H really losing it Part 2

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Self-soothing is a skill that he doesn't appear to have developed. I wonder if this an area you could help him with.

When he does self-soothe, what do you see him doing that is healthy? (I know his go-to is alcohol, but he doesn't do that every time.) Does cooking distract him from unsettling emotions? Reading? Some type of physical activity?

[GaGrl]

Self-soothing is a skill that he doesn't appear to have developed. I wonder if this an area you could help him with.

When he does self-soothe, what do you see him doing that is healthy? (I know his go-to is alcohol, but he doesn't do that every time.) Does cooking distract him from unsettling emotions? Reading? Some type of physical activity?

[Ozzie101]

He’s never found anything that works for self-soothing. He’s said that many times, actually. Once something’s in his head, nothing can distract him. Not reading. Not playing piano. I and various therapists have tried but no dice so far.

But, you’re right about him lacking the skill. I think that contributes to his accusations about no one helping or rescuing him. He can’t do it himself so he looks to everyone else to fix it.

[Cat Familiar]

That makes the alcohol use more understandable. He’s so uncomfortable, can’t do anything about it, drinks, feels guilty about that, becomes more dysregulated in a downward spiral, probably blaming you or others for not “doing something” to fix him.

[GaGrl]

This makes me wonder about his brain chemistry and it he is on the proper medication.

[Ozzie101]

He’s long thought he’s on the wrong meds — that the ones he tries aren’t working. He’s been on many, many different ones over the years. There was one a couple of years ago that helped a lot but it caused weight gain, which sent him over the edge (that’s a HUGE trigger for him — and he’d told his P that several times, so it also damaged his shaky trust in psychiatrists).

He won’t take anything that could cause weight gain or sexual side effects and that cuts out quite a few drugs.

Anyway, he told me today that he read that you’re not supposed to mix alcohol with one of his meds (which he says the doctor didn’t mention).

He’s even tried quite a few things that are supposed to help with situational anxiety and they have no effect, even at max dose.