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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Why won't he leave?  (Read 378 times)
Feelfreeonme
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 1


« on: June 13, 2020, 09:55:31 PM »

I am attempting to leave my husband of 2 years because he is at the discard stage and he will not get help.
I am seasoned to his behaviors due to having a past relationship with someone else who appears to also have borderline personality disorder.
I am so sad but not completely wounded. I'm just curious why won't he leave our home if he is so unhappy. I don't argue and I actually admit to my wrong doings. Why stay? I am self aware, love him dearly, understand why I was drawn to him in the first place and I know I will miss him.. however, I also know it is over..but why won't he leave?..is this punishment or what?
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daze507
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 165


« Reply #1 on: June 14, 2020, 03:06:26 AM »

It's hard to tell but as you may already know, pwBPD hate being alone. He may simply not have anyone else, yet.
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Lucky Jim
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 6211


« Reply #2 on: June 15, 2020, 02:09:46 PM »

Hey Feelfree, Welcome!  As daze suggests, it's difficult to say.  I concur that fear of abandonment is often at the heart of most BPD behavior.  Those w/BPD make all kinds of threats, yet rarely follow through on them.

At the risk of sounding critical, and I don't mean it that way, I would suggest that it's not up to him to leave; rather, it's up to you to end things.  In other words, you are not a victim of his decisions.  It's your call.  Waiting for a pwBPD to change or leave can be a thankless vigil.  What would you like to see happen?  Do what you have to do to carry it out.

I'm not going to sugarcoat it: leaving a pwBPD is challenging on many levels, yet I'm here to confirm that it can be done.

LJ
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