Family crisis - They both have charges of domestic violence

[in2it]

Hello,

I am new to this group. My oldest daughter (i have two) suffers from what my psychoanalyst has started to refer to as borderline. She is married and has three young daughters. Their home environment is violent and verbally abusive-- husband and wife constantly at each other. They both have charges of domestic violence-- his was a felony and now she has been charged with misdemeanor child abuse and the girls have been removed into child services. It is the thing we all could see coming but also dreaded. My daughter is a stay at home mother who wants to homeschool because she can't let go of her control. The girls are not in school and are behind in their social and educational development. At least now, my daughter is being pushed to get help-- taking anger management, parenting classes, self empowerment, and getting therapy. She is super intelligent and is responding to the learning and the challenges but all of us can see she has a very long road ahead and the girls are not going to be returned to her quickly. The girls are age 7, 4 and 1. The baby was still nursing when she was taken. It's a very difficult, very painful, very complex situation. Thank you for listening. I am glad to have found this group-- recommended by my younger daughter.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Thebigyellow]

Welcome. I just joined 2 days ago. I feel ya. I am a grandma too. My daughter is 30. Grand baby is 9. I’m also mother to 2 daughters and it’s my oldest that has BPD. We’re in crises, too, at the moment.

[Turkish]

That sounds pretty bad if the kids were removed, but I'm glad that there is a reunification plan. What were the charges?

Do you have visitation rights to your grandbabies?

[Elizabeth22]

Hi in2it   

Welcome to the group.
I am sorry your family is going thru this, I can relate. My story is around here if you feel like reading the background.
The BPD in my life is my DIL, and my son usually does not act any better.
My son is in court now on abuse and neglect charges for my older grandson and this is not the first time.
I also had moments of thinking things were getting better, but it never lasts. Prepare yourself for that, but hope for the best, people can change.
My grandson is placed out of the home again, his mother (not my DIL, another story) would not agree to let me have him but CPS disagrees. They are talking to me about permanency with me, which they have done before and they seem pretty serious about it now. (It's a different kind of case than it was before and they can do different things now.)
You may find yourself in that position. Weigh all the pros and cons. I am having a visit tomorrow, grandparents usually are allowed to visit, they want a support system for the children.
Wishing you the best, you aren't alone.
E22