Living in Fear of false accusations

[Dolphins]

 My Adult daughter was diagnosed several years ago with BPD. Her bio father has been incarcerated since she was 1 years old and he believes he has Bpd as well. In fact he sent me to this site. Sent me info to read and gave me some hope.She is currently pregnant with her first child. Throughout her pregnancy she has distanced me and has become extremely close to her step mom ,whom has never had much to do with her. Her step mom stepped up when she found out she was pregnant. ( I remarried after her bio dad , so step mom and her Dad isnt blood but one who raised her, we divorced as well)  
She is now making false accusations,  idk if she has created false memories or if she is bold face lying ,feels like she strongly believes them. She blames me for everything completely,  we went through a good stretch and got along very well. I'm now scared of her. These accusations could destroy the whole family.  I'm terrified to be around her and now I'm terrified to be around the baby when she is born cause of what my daughter could make up now. My fiance doesnt want to be near her either.  I have no clue what to do , I dont have insurance to get therapy myself for what I've been through with her. I've tried to be the best mom and parent the best way I could . We are walking on eggshells. She doesn't get any kind of treatment or therapy for BPD
The pain from this hurts so bad. She  has recently blocked me out of her life now and anybody that knows me. Any advice on what I should do?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Tanager]

I relate to your anguish of false accusations/false memories and wonder if this isn't the "elephant in the room" of bpd.  My daughter's accusations have created so much pain in my family.

[PearlsBefore]

a) Any time you're seeing her or your grand-daughter, bring a video or audio recorder with you; when you get home, just copy the file over to a hard drive and give it the day's date. God-willing you'll never need them, but better to have them and not need them - than to need them and not have them. It's $30 on Amazon to get a "disguised" recorder.

b) Per allegations of past abuse, obviously it's too late to get proof of what happened on the days in question. But having proof that she's lying/confused about last week and the week before that and the week before that, helps reassure a judge that she's also likely lying/confused about her childhood as well.

c) I'm not sure what you're picturing as the "worst case scenario", so I'm not sure if this is good news or bad news; but in my own experience while police and child services and family court judges are easily fooled by outlandish claims of satanic ritual abuse or other insanity (because they have boring lives and REALLY want to believe they've stumbled onto something super-important), actual real judges have, well, more judgement and common-sense. Remember, they are seeing the "lowest functioning members of society" on a daily basis, usually as defendants...so even when they are the accusers...judges recognise their story-telling habits pretty quickly, and . That said, it doesn't take a conviction, or even an arrest, to ruin a reputation beyond repair; if she tells your social circle, your church or your extended relatives her claims...there may always be a stain on your reputation, an asterik beside your name on their list of Thanksgiving invitees, and a hesitation to let you babysit the children, etc.

d) The "blocking you out of her life" is never permanent, do not let yourself feel it's the end of the world or that you'll never see your grandchild; to be glib rather than clinical, their sense of object permanency is flawed. I'll NEVER see you again sometimes translates to a few days, sometimes a few months, occasionally a couple years if she finds someone else to hang off for a few years...but ultimately she will block that other person "forever" (and if they're smart, they'll run) - but you're her "family", so she'll always end up turning back to you. I assume, being a grandparent, you're old enough as I am to recognise that while "next summer" seems a lifetime away to a young child or a pwBPD...we're in this for the long haul, and we can take a deep breath and make it through.

Know we're all cheering for you, you're not alone. As Merton said, "Do not depend on the hope of results.  When you are doing the sort of work you have taken on...you may have to face the fact that your work will be apparently worthless and achieve no result at all, if not perhaps results opposite to what you expect.  As you get used to this idea, you start more and more to concentrate not on the results but on the value, the truth of the work itself...The big results are not in your hands or mine, but they suddenly happen, and we can share in them, but there is no point in building our lives on this personal satisfaction, which may be denied us and which after all is not that important."

[Dolphins]

Thank you both for your input. I've been keeping busy and trying to take care of myself. Trying not to contribute all my energy into this matter by dwelling on it in a negative manner. This has been very painful. This forum has been somewhat comforting to know I'm not alone. I appreciate the support. Thanks for the good advice