Walking on eggshells

[Mathmom]

I feel as if I've been on an emotional rollercoaster for 6 weeks. Of course, it's been a lifetime, but somehow got worse 6 weeks ago. My mom, 75, has undiagnosed BPD. My brother-in-law, a psychologist, believes it and everything my siblings and I have read seem to confirm it. She's been a mess since the election, picking fights with my sister and me, telling people how horrible we are to her, then telling us how special we are, only to turn around and pick another fight a day later.

She ended up getting hauled into the hospital by EMS because she called her psychiatrist and convinced her that she was a danger to herself. Then, she convinced everyone that the psych had overreacted and was released.

She's amassed a huge credit card debt but gets aggressive and defensive any time I ask her to stop buying stuff for my children. And I get threatened with, "These conversations are not good for my mental state".

My brother walked away from all of us 3 years ago. He didn't want to help my sister and I deal with her craziness. Part of me doesn't blame him and part of me hates him because he has made everything worse.

I guess I'm here to try and find others going through the same thing. Also, her health is horrible. Cancer, diabetes, kidney disease, obesity, hearing loss, mostly disabled

[pursuingJoy]

Mathmom, welcome. I want you to know you're safe and in good company. Many here are dealing with very similar dynamics with aging BPD parents. Check out Methuen and NotWendy's posts.

The hardest part for me, no matter who is displaying the hurtful behavior, is releasing. Releasing some of the time I spend thinking about it, releasing others to choose what they want, releasing the urge to step in or fix when others have been irresponsible, releasing myself to have peace and enjoy life, and perhaps most difficult of all, releasing the guilt I've been trained to feel. Is the releasing hard for you, too?

I can imagine that you and your sister feel all of the burden now that your brother has stepped away from it all. None of this is easy, is it? It won't get better overnight but there is hope. This can improve.