Just Looking for Community

[holdingfast]

I have a 17 yr old daughter with BPD.  It took several years to finally arrive at BPD. Having a sister 18 months younger and working in secondary ed gave me the perspective to know there was way more than typical teen rebellion at play. Putting a name to our lived reality was a relief at first. Then I did some preliminary research. My initial inquiry was disheartening, to say the least.
My first coping mechanisim is to seek to understand. As I began to dive deeply into the most current research and identify the leaders in the field, I became more hopeful. It appeared that the most problematic relational characteristics of BPD would likely subside with age, that early identification accompanied by quality, consistent, DBT held the greatest hope of helping my daughter learn to better regulate her emotions and improve her relationships. After significant effort, we were able to find a legitimate DBT specialist in our area and begin treatment.
What I am finding out though is that this head knowledge or academic understanding is of little comfort or practical benefit to me when I am in the trenches and throes of parenting a teen with BPD. That is why I am here. After landing here repeatedly while serching for parenting guidance I realized that I need support and community. It can be helpful, encouraging and certainly comforting to know there are other parents fighting the good fight, getting knocked down and finding a way to get back up because there is nothing more powerful than your love for your child. This day finds me weary. I am exhausted and depleted, but still holding fast. Thanks

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Methuen]

Hi holdingfast,

My career is secondary ed as well.  What I am hearing you say was that you recognized issues beyond typical teen rebellion, got medical support and a diagnosis, which at first brought relief to have an answer, but then concern as you researched BPD.  It sounds like your daughter is willing to participate in DBT treatment, which is amazing!  I am hopeful that your daughter will be able to move forward and make progress with the emotional regulation piece as she works through therapy.  The best case scenario is that she likes her therapist, and forms a relationship with that person which helps her move forward.  It sounds like you have done everything you can to set her up with excellent support.  

My mom is uBPD, so the relationship is different, because it's my mother, not my child.  But I do wish to say that you have landed in a great community here.  The support is constructive, positive, and very helpful on many fronts, with an important one being that we are no longer need to feel alone and isolated with the drama and conflict, because there's an entire community that "gets it".

I'm guessing you've already found the link which says "How to get the most out of this site" at the top of the parent/sibling/in-law board.  The tools there are amazing, and they work, once we learn and practice them on our loved one.  There is also a board specifically for son/daughter or son/daughter-in-law, which you might also find super helpful in your situation.

My mom refused therapy through her life, but CBT/DBT has helped me navigate my relationship with her in the past 1 1/2 yrs since landing on this site and seeking therapy for myself.  Therapy helped me a lot, as it does many of us in this community who have a BPD loved one.  I have found several books amazingly useful with the day to day business of being in the trenches with a BPD loved one. I also found CBT/DBT workbooks helpful for myself, since my mom refused service. I don't wish to overwhelm with titles unless you feel it would be helpful.
 
Let us know how we can best help.

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