Parents becoming mentally ill too

[Maxie187]

My 32 year old son with bpd  had to move home during pandemic. Had a psychotic episode, was hospitalized but not getting better at home. My husband is about to crack from the stress and I’ve had gastritis for three months
We are becoming mentally ill ourselves. My sons needs are overwhelming us. His anxiety and panic episodes are scaring us. His hospital stay was horrible and I think it made him worse
My husbands anguish is scaring me too
We love our son but are on the brink ourselves

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[PearlsBefore]

 

I'm sure I don't need to tell you how rough the lockdowns have been on those with mentally ill relatives for whom they care - you're living it, as you describe. In a way you can take comfort in the fact he's back home because it means he's not spiralling out of control without anyone at least watching over him as might happen if living alone. If he doesn't come home for a day or two...you'll definitely notice and start phoning around. If he turns to drugs, you'll notice, etc. So just being home, even if he's "getting worse", is still in some ways a blessing - just be careful not to helicopter-parent a 32-year old!

If his anxiety and panic episodes are reaching frightening proportions, can I ask if he's been prescribed any meds to help combat the symptoms...and does he freely take them, or he dislikes them? De-stigmatizing the medication was one of the biggest hurdles for some caretakers - and sometimes you have to treat it the way you'd treat trying to get a 9-year old to take a multivitamin (or cod liver oil). If he's not been prescribed anything, there are over the counter things a little stronger than chamomile that can still help soothe the fraying nerves (and may also help his parents!) - but they're not as useful once the proverbial actually hits the fan.

Hang in there, focus on the positive, and consider at what point you'll be willing to calm him and say "the pandemic is pretty much over" whether that means life changes or not.

[Tulipps]

You showed great compassion allowing your son to move in with you at this time. I'm sorry you are now suffering yourselves. It's hard enough living apart and having interactions with our BPD loved ones... can't imagine being under the same roof. That's a lot of stress to endure and it gets harder and harder as we get older.
You are not alone.