New to this space

[KateD97]

Hello, BPDFamly -

I am new to this space, having newly been introduced to the concept of BPD and related topics.  Presently in a state of estrangement from my older sister following a rather shocking falling out two holiday seasons ago, and struggling for more than a year now trying (unsuccessfully to say the least) to 'fix' it. 

I have recently re-entered therapy with a new practitioner after having been away for some time from many years of individual and group therapy working through 'dysfunctional family' issues.  However, this is the first time I am being introduced to the framework and details of 'BPD' and 'NPD', and seeing much familiar here that is beginning to shed light on confusion, stress, guilt, chronic depression, and other variations on utter frustration with this very challenging person who I nevertheless love and am root-level connected to.

I wish you all well and look forward to reading posts and sharing more, and very grateful to discover this resource.

Kate

[zachira]

Welcome to BPD Family while sorry for the circumstances that bring you here. I too am estranged from my sister, who has NPD. I have a brother with BPD. It certainly is challlenging to understand both BPD and NPD, though necessary when having close family members with strong traits. I also have learned a lot about my challenging family members through therapy and more about how to be more in touch with what works best for my well being. We are here to listen and support you, so let us know how we can be the most helpful.

[P.F.Change]

  Hi, and welcome!

Glad you're here. We have lots of Lessons and workshops pinned to the top of the board. You might have a look at the Survivor to Thriver Program to see how far you've already come. It's great that you already have support from a therapist.

We're here for you whenever you have questions. What's it like for you with the rest of your family while you're estranged from your sister?

[KateD97]

Many thanks for your welcomes. 
Regarding how the rest of the family is affected by the estrangement, I feel pretty isolated right now in dealing with this, and still hurting pretty acutely.   Older brother, who I give credit to for resisting BPD sibling's attempts to recruit him onto 'her team', wants to remain neutral, but does not have current awareness or education about BPD.  He was involved some in earlier years when BPD siblinng literlally 'crossed the border' and was being treated for MPD, (diagnosed however by a somewhat questionable practitioner who is all over a file I had stashed away from that time about 'false memory syndrome - i.e. it was a pretty big mess). He managed to keep a pretty good distance from the situation (in retrospect probably a healthy stance, though somewhat 'head-in-the-sand) and has maintained limited relations with her since.  BPD sibling has for the time being manage to include 2 of 3 children (grown adults with kids, who I adore) into her closing of ranks in the name of 'protecting' them from me, for which I am struggling with strong feelings of shame.  Thankfully, the third/oldest of them (already something of an outsider from the others) reached out to me with a truly sweet and sincere message at holiday time thanking me for gifts and letter, which was balm to my wounded soul.  The other two received similar holiday gestures with total silence, and 'unfollowed me on facebook' (I imagine at BPD sibling's instigation after BPD blasted me with an appalling text on Xmas day).  In any case, learning about BPD itself is helping me to put these and many other encounters with chaos, volatility, bizarre thinking and victimology into some perspective.  Meanwhile, I sense I am only at the beginning of finding a way off of the eggshell path with permissions to prioritize looking after myself (sort of like trying to get a bill through Congress). With therapists help, I see it is a long road ahead, with dysfunctional patterns of my own to correct, but at least I can do something about those, with gratitude for those healthier individuals close by who are supportive and reliable.
 

[P.F.Change]

Meanwhile, I sense I am only at the beginning of finding a way off of the eggshell path with permissions to prioritize looking after myself (sort of like trying to get a bill through Congress).

  I love that you've kept a sense of humor about it. The good news is that even if it's challenging, it's achievable!

It's unfortunately very common what you're going through, with family members being recruited to take "sides" with the pwBPD. Smear campaigns happen frequently as well. That's too bad your sister's two children have cut ties with you, but also encouraging that you are still able to connect with the third. Perhaps as time goes by and the others begin to do their own work and healing, they might reconsider what they know.

My FOO is complicated by lots of pwPDs. I believe my mother and both grandmothers had BPD, while one grandfather, an uncle, and one of my grandmothers also had NPD. My mother decided when I was very young we would not have contact with my father's narcissistic brother and his family. I have two cousins close to my age who went to my high school that I barely knew. As a young adult, I tried reconnecting with one of them, and then their mother reached out to me, which infuriated my mother. I believe there were some good reasons for that estrangement, and I also could recognize that in my own adulthood it was my choice whom I wanted to connect with and what to believe. It wasn't worth it to me then to try to get much closer to my aunt or uncle because 1) we already weren't that close and 2) the cost in terms of my mother's fury was too much to me at the time. I imagine your nieces/nephews may be dealing with some of that pressure even if they don't believe all the things your sister tells them. But you never know, they could come round someday.