Why I am here.

[Arden Hope]

I am hoping to learn healthy ways to manage my own stress in dealing with a child who is struggling.  I am hoping to learn ways my husband and I can encourage each other.  I am hoping to get practical advice to help our child (and our whole family) to be able to function.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[normal person]

We got a labrador puppy and I started gardening. The dog makes me smile, loves me, keeps me company and I feel like I can focus my energy on nurturing tomatoes.
I would advise to look after yourselves, pick up a hobby and something that makes you happy.

[pursuingJoy]

Glad you're focused on self-care.  At the moment, my kids' struggles consume most of my energy and thoughts throughout the day. If we're on firm ground, we'll be able to see and think more clearly to help our families.

I learned recently about the parasympathetic nervous system and how important it is to activate it. I found a yoga class and am working on mindfulness. I also try to limit my thinking about my problems to only 50% or less of my waking hours.

I saw this list recently and I'm trying to incorporate it.

Dopamine - eating food, achieving a goal, sleep, having a bath
Oxytocin - socializing, physical touch, petting animals, helping others
Endorphin - exercising, laughing, listening to music
Serotonin - sun exposure, mindfulness, nature walks

We're happy to brainstorm ideas with you if it will help. You're not alone.

[normal person]

Dopamine - eating food, achieving a goal, sleep, having a bath
Oxytocin - socializing, physical touch, petting animals, helping others
Endorphin - exercising, laughing, listening to music
Serotonin - sun exposure, mindfulness, nature walks

This actually really sums it up how the changes I have made for myself have improved my well-being. I am petting my dog, going to beach or nature walks with him,  I am planting and achieving harvest (sense of acomplishment), eating lots of vegetables as vegetables as result ... it really helps. It helps taking the mind off everyday problems, relax and be happy.

[Huat]

Hello Arden Hope

In my earlier years I would have read posts like those written by pursuingJoy and normal person as being hogwash...airy-fairy...not for me.   As time has gone by I've opened myself up to that kind of thinking.    I have learned that self-survival and self-happiness are the keys to handling life's problems...and these troublesome children of ours can certainly be a big life problem. 

Work on things that first get a smile on YOUR face.  The time you spend on that will bring many benefits...one of them being that you will be in a different, calmer state of mind and better able to help your daughter with her struggles. 

I sincerely hope you keep posting and sharing.   It is part of the healing.

Huat

[normal person]

I was the same. It took me over 4 years to get it through my thick head that you can't pour from an empty jug. I am naturally someone who gives too much, always puts everyone else first, people take me for granted ... not any more.
I actually wish I realised it sooner.