Logically I know it would never work, but my emotions are taking a while to catch up.
nothing will help you do it like being honest with yourself, and facing the hardest aspects of these breakups.
looking at your list, im not sure any of these things are good or bad, in and of themselves. its a question of what you do with the knowledge. and sometimes its just a good gauge of where we are in the detachment process.
for example, you dont have to block her in order to detach. wanting her in your life, or wanting her validation are both pretty understandable, and they are what they are. but blocking isnt a substitute for working through and letting go of those desires.
browsing the forum is really what you make of it. im still here over ten years later. it stopped being about my ex a long time ago. that you use it as a connection isnt surprising; i did too. that you are using it in a way to raise your game and dig deeper, seems like a pretty useful exercise and a good sign for your detachment process.
do lean on your friends, its what theyre there for. if youre driving yourself crazy, change how you lean on them. validate yourself, confidently. pick a friend or two whos insight you trust and ask them to challenge you, to say the hard stuff. i was obsessing really hard on a girl recently. it occurred to me i was kind of creating drama in my own mind, and kind of trying to pull my friends into it to keep it alive. when a thought clicks, you can change your approach.
New people I date not 'clicking'
- Excuse: I'm not finding a love connection, I'm not attracted to them for x, y or z reason
- Reality: Remaining single means that it's easier for me to let her back in, I'm not really giving dates a chance
this is a sign, broadly speaking, that you are emotionally unavailable, which is natural, you are grieving. if someone you loved had just died, you wouldnt be giving dates a chance either. if you are going to date, you might change your approach, or your expectations, or both. determine what it is youre after. are you using dating as a means to get over your ex? that can be risky. healthier people in the dating pool can pick up on it, and you wont connect with them. others youll connect with, and not necessarily in the healthiest of ways. do you want to hook up? then just do that. do you want friends of the opposite sex, and/or emotional connection more so than a romantic relationship? cool. plenty of people are in that space, you just need to examine and be clear with yourself as to what it is youre trying to achieve.
