My Adult daughter who is 41 years old is bleeding me dry. If it were only her I would probably find it a lot easier not to cave every time she comes up with a reason she needs money. She is on SSDI but that basically pays her rent and then I have to pay the difference. She also receives food stamps but it constantly changes because they forget to report when her significant other gets a a job for a week then it goes down and doesn't go right back up after he stops working again. She has two small children 4 and 5. She constantly lies to me. She is not in therapy and refuses because when she was younger and I made her go she said it didn't help her and all the medicine did was make her gain weight and it didn't help either. She insists there is nothing wrong with her, but she has been diagnosed with BPD and Bipolar depression. She expects me to fix every problem in her life and then complains that I don't treat her like an adult. I have read Stop Walking on Eggshells and other books and I can go for a long period of time and not cave every time she needs something, but lately it has gotten harder because of the grandchildren. She uses them to get to me. It also saddens me that she doesn't keep up on their well care visits, they never had any vaccinations and I don't think she keeps up on their hygiene either, i.e. clean clothes, bathing on a regular basis, teeth, etc. She can barely take care of herself, let alone her children and I think her significant other as also grown accustom to using me, which I am allowing and need to learn how to stop. Please help me to start living my own life, I am close to retirement and want to move out of State but I am worried what will happen to my grandchildren.
