Is She BPD?

[Jmanster]

(This might be a long post!)

So I met a new girl on Facebook dating... First date went great, took her back to my place and we hung out... no sex or even kiss.

The second date, we kiss and she told me she was looking for something casual since she just got out of a 2-year relationship a month ago.

After the second date, I start building insane amounts of anxiety, to the point of me not being able to breathe at times. This was similar to what I was experiencing with the first girl I dated with BPD.

At this time, I am starting to talk with a therapist. By the way, I have dated 2 previous girls with BPD, one of which led me to using this site for closure about 7 years ago.

Anyway, after the second date, the third date came around and we slept together... and we started seeing each other at least 3-4 times a week. She tells me she's not ready to call me her boyfriend even though she has her toothbrush at my place and spends nights with me. (basically anything a GF would do, she would do it).

We date for about 5 weeks and her best friend is already referring to us as BF and GF. However, the girl that I am seeing continues to say she doesn't want to rush. And I tell her that I am not pressuring her, just take your time.

A week or so later, she asks me to be her boyfriend. A few days after that she tells me that she can't do this anymore and breaks up with me. Isn't this impulsive?

I also want to add that she is an ex-mormon and left the church about 6 years ago, the rest of her family is still Mormon. She is on Zoloft for her depression and she mentioned that she tried cutting earlier in her life.

The total time we were "together" was about two months and I was starting to fall for her

Now I'm starting to understand that my anxieties that were happening was my body telling me to stay away from her.

So what do you guys think? Was this breakup inevitable? Her reasons for the breakup were that she was still hung up about her previous relationship, had a bad relationship with her family, and that she was having health issues.

I just want to share my experiences with you all since I consider this my third gf with BPD. Please let me know your thoughts.

[Selfishsally]

Jmanster- I m so sorry your relationship ended. It sounds like you are trying to analyze everything to see what went wrong. Helpful or not, we all do it!

I'm not sure anyone can say for sure she has bpd but it does sound like she wasn't emotionally ready to be in a relationship. She could have just been lonely and wanted some to care for her.

I feel like this is alittle bit of a motherly suggestion and I apologize in advance. Feel free to ignore me...
Maybe at this time that you are not in relationship you could do some inner searching on what might be attracting you to someone who is emotionally immature.
Is there a common denominator you can see?
I don't think you are doing anything wrong and you are doing a great job being brave as you to continue to put yourself out there after at least 2 bpd relationships.

[EZEarache]

After the second date, I start building insane amounts of anxiety, to the point of me not being able to breathe at times. This was similar to what I was experiencing with the first girl I dated with BPD.

So I usually have serious anxiety when I'm in the get to know you dating process. Usually, for me it is fear of rejection. The more interested in the person I am the more anxiety I have. Was your anxiety related to a fear of rejection, or was it more, anxiety over making a major life decision?

To me these are two completely different symptoms, but others might disagree.

[marv1995]

It's hard to tell by this post whether or not she's BPD, but what I can say is that I got a lot of anxiety and those gut feelings when I first started talking to my ex. I regret not listening to them.