Relationship

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi again,

So things are pretty difficult atm with my partner as I think he’s going through a lot of dysregulation or that’s what it seems like. He hadn’t really spoke to me about any of it so I’m just making assumptions. Anyway, I don’t know if I did the wrong thing in trying to get to the bottom or why he doesn’t feel he can give me a relationship which is what he said about a week ago but I did try, and now he’s told me we can still be friends but he doesn’t want to ‘drag me through’ bevause im ‘hanging around and waiting’ and I really don’t know what to do. Does this mean he just doesn’t want to be with me or does it mean he’s trying to push me away out of fear or something or because he feels like he’s a burden because I really love him and I’m trying to do everything I can by researching and then trying to put my research into practice etc and giving him space but also trying to reassure him and be consistent but I’m really struggling. I need some advice please?

[Sophie elban]

Hi again,

So things are pretty difficult atm with my partner as I think he’s going through a lot of dysregulation or that’s what it seems like. He hadn’t really spoke to me about any of it so I’m just making assumptions. Anyway, I don’t know if I did the wrong thing in trying to get to the bottom or why he doesn’t feel he can give me a relationship which is what he said about a week ago but I did try, and now he’s told me we can still be friends but he doesn’t want to ‘drag me through’ bevause im ‘hanging around and waiting’ and I really don’t know what to do. Does this mean he just doesn’t want to be with me or does it mean he’s trying to push me away out of fear or something or because he feels like he’s a burden because I really love him and I’m trying to do everything I can by researching and then trying to put my research into practice etc and giving him space but also trying to reassure him and be consistent but I’m really struggling. I need some advice please?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

What behaviors are you noticing that are making things difficult?

[Sophie elban]

sorry I didn’t reply earlier. Things were just very different and he was trying to distance himself from me etc and the thing is I guess I don’t exactly know how to react to that correctly. I was hoping you could give me some guidance as to whether he really doesn’t want to be with me or if it is his fear of abandonment having an impact. Because if he doesnt want to be with me I understand I have to respect that but if he does and it’s his fear of abandonment then I’d really hate to lose what we have because I know it could be something amazing. But I also don’t know how to know or how to them act moving forward. I know this is probably asking the impossible but it’s worth a try

[Cat Familiar]

These relationships can be challenging and difficult. Here is an article that describes how BPD relationships often evolve:  https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-borderline-relationship-evolves

[Sophie elban]

Thank you, this article seems pretty negative in terms of relationships working out but I don’t know if that’s just where my head is at while I’m reading it. Can relationships be successful with a person with bpd?

[Sophie elban]

Sorry if my very last post seems insensitive and ridiculous I didn’t really think. I don’t mean any offence by it.

[Cat Familiar]

No, you are genuinely right to be concerned. These relationships can be very difficult. It is, however, possible to have a fulfilling relationship with a BPD partner, but it takes some work for the “non” partner. A good place to start is by learning the Tools listed at the top of this page.

Another article on relationships:  https://bpdfamily.com/content/what-does-it-take-be-relationship

[Sophie elban]

Thank you:)