Don’t know where to turn

[January90]

 My adult daughter now 32 was diagnosed in hospital with BPD about 4 years ago. After hospital she entered supported housing but left this before she was evicted for damaging property and was given a flat to stay in by a friend at a very cheap rent which she fled to. She doesn’t accept her diagnosis, nor engage with treatment and regularly estranges from us. She has for the last year following covid lockdowns become increasingly volatile. She hears voices, doesn’t eat properly and has become very aggressive and blames everyone who tries to help her. We tried to have her back home last summer but she left after we tried to set some boundaries around her shouting and refusal to accept therapy/ outside help. We love her very much but can not cope with the unwarranted  screaming abuse. She was hospitalised recently for a suicide attempt. Was only kept in 3 nights and although crisis team support was set up she is refusing to engage. She will not talk to any of her family now nor let us be involved with her care. The last of her friends has said this week she can not cope anymore with her horrendous diatribes and refusal to accept professional help and the (now former) friend who owns the flat said she is leaving it in a horrendous state, so she is now at risk of being homeless too. I am at my wits end and feel utterly helpless to know how to help.  I feel my daughter is burning all her bridges and reaching rock bottom and feel heart broken that things have come to this. I really really worry about what might happen to her. Has anyone else experienced this sort of problem?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[RobertX]

Very very sorry to hear about all your troubles.  We have been thinking we were making progress but in reality...not a bit of it...this is a marathon...we need to survive it...simple as that. What are things you like to do?  Do you have things that make you feel optimistic and happy?  Focus on you.  Survivve it

[January90]

RobertX Thank you for your kind reply. Yes you are quite right this a marathon and one that you don’t know when or if it is going to end. It is easy to loose sight of yourself when in the thick of a loved one’s crisis, but unless they want to try and change there is not a lot you can do. I need to step back for my own health and focus on doing some things I enjoy. I have done this before and I now need to do this again. Thanks for the gentle reminder