Spouse is seeing someone else

[v_2]

My wife of 26 years whom I love deeply is moved out and seeing some guy in secret. The Only power I have in a relationship is her fear of losing the children. She has done this often on before and it seems to be a cycle do I let it play out?  Do I force her hand and make her make a choice? Her forms of association or the overly bond with our children make it an impossible for them to grow up and to not bond with me her spouse almost at all. This time she was triggered by her oldest son who is 24 getting married and moving the feelings of abandonment that she felt cause an issue and a rift in our own relationship help. I don’t want a divorce I know that her behavior is part of the disease. What do I do?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[formflier]

I'm glad you found us and I'm so sorry you are in a really tough spot in your relationship with a pwBPD (boardspeak for "person with BPD)

Is there a diagnosis?  Treatment/therapy? 

We can help you work through your choices...it would be helpful for you to imagine what you want things to look like in 6 months and we can work back from there.

How are you doing in all this? 

Children?  What ages?

Best,

FF

[v_2]

5 kids 12f 14m 18f 20f all living at home and 24m on his own with his own spouse. She is in counseling but only 3 weeks in. The last time this happened it lasted about 6 months. I would love for this to be where she was at least at home and talking on our way to healing the family she thinks this does not affect our children of any age. I am not doing great major depression had to start antidepressants never had to do that in my life also in counseling.

[formflier]

How many previous rounds of counseling for her?

Same question for you?

Hang in there...we can help!

Best,

FF

[v_2]

Too sporadic to really say any she’s lived with some trauma for a long time from her childhood when she was three or four she was abandoned with two siblings and left for dead in a farm house in Montana and then later adopted by a family where the dad wanted the kids and the mother didn’t abuse followed from the mother for years well physical and more importantly mental the older brother which is extreme sore point for her died in prison in 2006 that she really never got to know very well because he was sent away when he was around eight because the mother couldn’t handle his emotional trauma  I have never had counseling before I’ve had one session so far seeking more but they’re all booked up for weeks at a time