I am nearing the end of my rope. Not only does J insist on me caring for her basic needs- she is a reasonably intelligent grown woman that can take care of herself when there is no other option yet she refuses to do simple tasks like make phone calls to schedule appointments, order food or request service needs like car repairs, plumbers, etc; she won’t even order food for delivery on a phone app or online if it means she has to answer the door…
She is incapable of making basic decisions without incessant and unnecessary research on the best options regardless of how small of a disappointment the wrong decision might make (I was read the riot act about how selfish I was because I bought MYSELF shoe inserts and because I bought deodorant at the store while I was out- she insisted that SHE was the best one to make such decisions and order them on Amazon- despite the fact that she procrastinates such actions for weeks if not months).
Any attempt to help her is returned with retaliatory rage about how I’m being selfish and how I’m a narcissist. Tonight she had a tooth fall out- a dental emergency that requires a dentist. This happened at 4:50pm and her dentist closes at 5p. I told her that I will call and make an appointment- just glad she’s not in pain. She sat looking at her phone at dentist options- which :help:had better reviews… I took the reigns and insisted that we can’t wait to look at options and that she needs medical help.
She blew up at me because I “had no empathy” and I “only cared about myself” and had no compassion for her situation. I was selfish because i “wanted to do what I wanted to do” and had no worries or compassion about her.
I snapped and blew up (apparently common with caretakers of BPD and NPD sufferers). I told her I’m done helping. I won’t support her in that situation.
