Help

[Sumac]

Hi, i'm new to this forum. After 38 years marriage i found out my wife has bpd. (Our therapist told me) finally there is a name to what has been a very difficult "thing" to cope with all these years.
I'm reading a lot about this infirmity.
My wife would never agree to even consider she may have a problem... I am the problem for her.
Is there some kind of online group where people meet live and talk about the issues related to living with someone with BPD?
thanks!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[SaltyDawg]

Randi Kreger founded this website two decades ago - I found it by reading her book.  She still lurks here, but doesn't respond.  However, she has a newer website, where there are several zoom meeting type groups where you can have face to face time with other people dealing with the borderline.

You can find more information at her website:  https://groups.io/g/MovingForward
Note to moderator, if this link is inappropriate, please delete the link, but leave the rest up so he can find this information doing a 'google search'.

This website BPDFamily is much better and much more responsive to asking questions.

If you haven't done so already, these are the best two beginner books on learning about BPD and how to manage it:

Stop Caretaking the Borderline Or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get on with Life by Margalis Fjelstad

Stop Walking on Eggshells by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger

[Sumac]

Thank you!
That's very helpful ... I'll apply & see how it works ...

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Sumac,

Welcome to the board!  You've come to a good place for help. So many here in painful places of discovery with the relationships they're in.

Is there some kind of online group where people meet live and talk about the issues related to living with someone with BPD? 

This is actually a great site for that, to talk about the issues and challenges you face every day. If you want an in person type of group, many of the members on the PSI board have mentioned that 12 step groups are helpful. I also know that you can check with your local mental health locations, such as NAMI if you live in the US, for support groups for family members that have a loved one with mental illness.

38 years is a long time to be married. How do you feel now that you have a name to describe this life that you have endured? It's a big discovery and can bring relief and a feeling of being overwhelmed.

I'm glad you're in T.

Take care,
Wools

[Sumac]

thank you for your response dear Wools!
i feel relieved ... for all these years I've tried in so many ways to make things right. To have a name helps to see a context and put the problem in perspective. It doesn't make it easier, but there is a framework in which to work.
Which 12 step program would you suggest to attend?
cheers!

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi again, Sumac,

I'm not sure which 12 step group would be best for you. Some of the PSI (parent, sibling, in-law board) members have spoken about attending AA, others a co-dependency group. My best suggestion is to first ask your T about a group, and you can search for groups closest to you and then visit them to check out the group if you wish to. See if any area good fit. Seems as if there is help for discovering how we can understand ourselves better and our pwBPD traits.

i feel relieved ... for all these years I've tried in so many ways to make things right. To have a name helps to see a context and put the problem in perspective. It doesn't make it easier, but there is a framework in which to work.

There is something about the knowing that indeed does help. I believe it gives us some hope to hold onto, a breath of freedom for a moment that suddenly we can escape from the dark cloud of guilt that has become such a heavy weight upon our souls. We aren't the problem that we believed we were.

Rest, restore, recover. This is a journey to healing and discovery that you've embarked on. Stay the course. While not easy, you will begin to find the you that has been lost.

Stay safe,
Wools