Looking for clarity

[Steven venus]

Hi, I’m new to the whole blogging world and I am curious if anyone would have advice for me? My ex girlfriend has bpd whom I dated for 2 years has recently put me on silent treatment again for confronting her and asking her to take responsibility for her actions. I was trying to get her to instead of blaming me, to acknowledge and say sorry for stepping out on me with her abusive narcissist ex boyfriend who became abusive towards her while we were together. I asked her to put boundaries up with him like everyone else does with an ex that you have an adult child with. He would act like he could do anything he wanted in her life. Take her vehicle whenever he wanted, walk in and out of the house as he pleases, and look at me as a trespasser. She said she would but after he was abusive towards her she came to spend a weekend with me and when I went to drop her off he was at he house which was upsetting and she acted as though nothing happened an argument ensued, she broke up with me and she took his side. She then split what seemed like all three of us. He became all good, I was all bad, and she became all mean we’ll just to me. I didn’t know who she was anymore a completely different person in the same body with the same name. She began protecting her abuser and everything she said was a lie. We have gotten back together since then but she was still not the same she once was. Every time it’s ghosting or silent treatment. I have fear of abandonment which she knows about. Needless to say it’s not easy. I love her very much, well I did love her as she once was. I am alienated from her friends and family because of stories she tells about me which are out of context. Why is it that she moves on and doesn’t even miss me when I can’t stop thinking about her? And is there any way to get her to see all the good things that I have done instead of focusing on the bad things she manipulated me into doing? My gut tells me that her ex is in her ear helping her make terrible decisions and choices. Just looking for advice please.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

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[kells76]

Hi Steven venus and welcome to the group  we're glad you felt ready to reach out for some support and feedback.

Needless to say it’s not easy.

Right there with you. I think you've summed it up -- these are deeply challenging relationships. "Normal" approaches to "normal" relationships often don't help, and can sometimes make things worse.

It's good that you're asking some questions about what might be going when she seems to drop you so quickly and take up again with someone she described to you as abusive.

I'd like to encourage you to check out our workshop on splitting. There's some really good information and discussion there, and I'd be interested in hearing what you think about it, especially what seems relevant to your situation.

...

How have the last few days gone for you? Any updates?

Fill us in whenever works for you, and again, welcome;

kells76