She cheated on me

[Axelle]

I was with her for 10 months.
She asked me out while she was yet in an abusive relationship with a man that had wronged her countless times.
She wanted out. Told me she was done.

I fell head over heels and developed a saviour complex. She told me all those things that reinforced my position. I was the "one". No one had ever been there for her except me. She was validated for the first time ever. She was starting to love herself.

I spent my days thinking of her. Catering to her needs.
She always told me she felt guilty for everything, that she did not deserve me. I tried and tried to deconstruct these notions. But she was also afraid of losing me and made sure to always keep me close.
Never too close, never too far.

I found out yesterday (by checking her phone, my instincts had been screaming for a while and I'll spare the details of all the reasons why), that she had been cheating on me with her abusive ex.
The devil we know right.

The images and texts haunt me.
I gave her everything, he gave her hurt.

I feel used and unvalued. Unloved. I question everything now. The amount of lies I uncovered yesterday are astronomical.

I so wanted to believe.
It's heard to feel like she really loved me now.

[Heartbroken94]

Hi Axelle,

Thank you for sharing this. A lot of it resonates with my own experience--especially the parts about the person claiming to be in an abusive relationship with someone who had wronged her countless times, and the idea of developing a saviour complex (and thinking that sticking it out for this person, no matter how many times she pushed away, would be worth it).

I'm so sorry for the hurt you're experiencing, but am grateful for your willingness to share. You're not alone. 

[GlennT]

These bpd weapons of mass seduction will almost always hand you their victim card from the first meeting to the last, when your left like a debris field. It's a big-time, major, heavy-duty, red flag

[Augustine]

These bpd weapons of mass seduction will almost always hand you their victim card from the first meeting to the last, when your left like a debris field. It's a big-time, major, heavy-duty, red flag

Agreed; signalling virtuous victimhood is always used as a lure.

It immediately places you in the abiding rescuer role, which is a form of triangular manipulation.

There’s nothing about triangulation that’s good, and you’re blessed to be well clear of her.

Borderlines aren’t capable of love in the normal sense without years, and years of intensive therapy, so you can thank your lucky stars that your investment was only ten months.

I would encourage you to ignore the impulse to fall into the rescuer mode if/when she communicates with you again, as they’re notorious for re engaging.

[fulafe]

" bpd weapons of mass seduction will almost always hand you their victim card"

Love that term. And so true. Mine immediately told me about her abusive ex and how her "lot in life" was one of perpetual heartbreak and tragedy.

She appealed to my kindness and nature inclination to help another.

She was a wolf in sheep's clothing. I eventually learned from digging and talking with two of her exes just how abusive this woman has been for 25 years now. Chronic cheater, chronic push-pull (frequent breakup threats, blocking, etc), chronic verbal and physical abuse.

She is truly a horrible, horrible person and I want her to suffer in some way as some form of cosmic revenge. Nothing too evil, but maybe a DUI or job loss. She has hurt me that much that I do not want her to ever be happy.

I can say, unequivocally, that I hate this woman with every fiber of my being and regret the day I ever met her.