Frustrated with adult daughter with BPD

[Blissful]

I’ve been reading these posts from mothers of daughters with BOD and I can relate, this is my first post. My husband is passive and I think I’m sensitive.she is 41 and acts much younger.  We can not figure out what her trauma was really. She lives down the street and my husband and her talk and then I get thrown under the bus. I’m working at radical acceptance and it is so hard because the illogical reasoning drive me to frustration,  she has a daughter and uses her to threaten me,  This is especially difficult.  I do keep an eye on my grand daughter so she can survive her mother.  It seems my daughter first destroyed her marriage and is trying to do that to mine.
Any advice is welcomed.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi Blissful and welcome
'Frustration' is certainly well understood by the family here! You have given a clear outline but I am reading between the lines here in assuming that when you husband and dd get together, dd is putting all sorts of bad things about you in dh's ear and then he comes back and is putting all this to you and taking her side in it? Am I correct here?

If you could clarify that would be good. Also using grandchild as a weapon is what so many of us deal with - it's so painful and worrying. Do you see gd regularly and how does dd try to sabotage your relationship with gd?

I am betting that you have a close relationship with your grandchild - that is a red flag to a bpd mom!

Thanks for posting and hope you are able to respond.