Hello marubatsu, welcome to the community!

I`m sorry about the circumstances that brought you here, but glad you have decided to share your story with us.
I can relate to behaving in a way that`s unlike yourself when in distress. It`s a hard place to be in. I think taking a step back to pause and not make things worse is a wise idea.
For that we have a better idea of your situation, could you provide more context? Were you in a relationship with this person? How long did you know each other?