Struggling Today

[Goodpal]

I broke up w/ my fiancé of 4 years a little less than a month ago and I'm really struggling today. The hard part for me is that I've always been on the "pedestal" and not been split the other way. Probably because we've been long distance for the most part, only living together for 4 months. I ended things because I saw all of the signs - intense anger, alcoholism, etc. and my previous marriage of 2 decades was also w/ a cluster B personality.

In my head I keep thinking that I could have made things works w/ her "maybe." I just was not ready to take all of that on right now so when the going got rough I cut and ran. This is our 3rd break-up, all initiated by me. Looking back it really wasn't maybe as bad as I thought(?) I was more waiting for it to get bad because of my knowledge on this issue. Anyhow, I'm sure I just need time apart to process my loss but it is really starting to hurt.

[PeteWitsend]

it sounds like you made the right decision, having the foresight to see the road ahead of you.  I congratulate you for doing this before you committed long term or had kids together.

Sorry you're not feeling okay about it, and having feelings that put the blame for her own behavior on you.  I struggled with that mentally at times, wondering if I just wanted out for selfish reasons and things would improve if I was "better," but when I'd look back and consider how she would start fights anyway, sometimes out of the blue, and sometimes when I was feeling good about us & happy at that moment, I realized it really wasn't me, and wasn't anything I was or wasn't doing that was to blame for her behavior.