Intervention

[GiGi’s tribe]

How to help adult son get appropriate DBT therapy and how find good therapist

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Ourworld]

Gigi,

I would say that you cannot force your son into therapy, that is something he must realize he needs.
You can report him to the police if he acts out abusively towards you and they might get him into a MH facility for a short stay.
Perhaps if you do this multiple times he will come to the realization of the need, but you cannot force him.

Tough love is what it take. Do not let him get over on you.

Wishing you the best, OurWorld

[Josie C]

Hi Gigi
To clarify, does your son want to attend DBT? Or are you hoping to convince him to attend? Are you having a difficult time finding a qualified therapist?

I surely wish I had the magic answer to getting a reluctant loved one into DBT.  Sadly, I agree with OurWorld; it has to be something he wants to try. 

My dd(29) adamantly refuses dbt. It’s a long-term therapy(usually a year-long commitment) with expectations of consistent attendance, individual therapy, and group work. To me, I think she’s afraid to try. She even told me once, years ago, that if it’s the only thing proven to work for BPD and it doesn’t work for her, then what hope does she have? I try to remind myself that she’s not being stubborn.  She’s terrified and ashamed.

I haven’t given up hope and I encourage you find the strength to stay hopeful, too. I’ve looked up providers online, called them asking about their services, costs, expectations, etc.  I just want to have options available if she ever decides to give it a go.  As a caution, many providers will say they have experience with dbt, or use it in their sessions.  A dedicated dbt clinic/therapist who has had extensive training working with individuals with BPD would be my goal.

My husband and I attended DBT about 8 years ago.  The clinic allowed us to be part of a parent group even though our daughter refused to attend.  We drove 2 hrs (each way) twice a month for a year.  It was so worth it.  My daughter is struggling mightily right now, and I’ve pulled out my dbt workbook and other resources to sharpen my skills (which seemed to desert me in this last crisis!)

You’re traveling a tough road, Gigi. You’ve found a place here with other parents who understand the struggle.

Peace,
Josie