Good to hear that the info is helping. So much is counter-intuitive, like you mentioned: you try to be a gentle and caring person, so how is it all going so wrong?
My biggest struggle is the dysregulation and the hurtful (untrue) things he says to me that are out of nowhere...or at the smallest of things. The not being in reality! Then he goes into withdrawal which is also hurtful. Then when he's better, trying to attempt to talk about what happened never goes well bc he blames me for the smallest thing I did and won't look at his destructive over reaction. It's so hard for me to live in this roller coaster.
What's a typical example of how a dysregulation goes? Is it in person, over text, via phone, email? Is there sort of a "standard list" of grievances (often, a partner with BPD may latch on to a few themes, like "you're a
cheater", or "you never
support me", etc), or can the content vary? How long does it usually last, and how long do you participate for?
These are not easy relationships by any means. People choose to stay for lots of reasons, and we respect that. Moving past "white-knuckle" staying, and making the relationship as livable for yourself as possible -- in whatever ways are 100% under your control -- can be the next step.
Working through different responses to his dysregulation roller coaster might be part of that next step, hopefully.
