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Author Topic: Does Splitting Black turn Back, to White?  (Read 36999 times)
Stargirl
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« Reply #30 on: February 14, 2010, 07:44:13 AM »

I just wanted to add some things about permanently being painted black or white. The splitting thing, and with the extremes, is the pattern, but I don´t think it is as easy as to say that black or white is just opposite things to one another in a person with BPD. As I have understood a person with BPD have core feelings of fear and shame as a root to their behavior and because of that I think that a non could get painted black forever but not white since painting someone white forever wouldn´t be possible in connection with the deep-rooted shame and fear, but panting someone black for ever might be possible. As written by jalk, when they feel they need something (attention, drama, sex, whatever... ) they might go from black to white, but since the fear and shame is still there it goes back to black again. And also there have been many posts here that tells the story of increasing of splitting over time, the closer you get the harder they have to cope with their feelings. What I mean is that the splitting is connected to their core feelings of fear and shame, and to the trigger of intimacy.
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iwillsurvive
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« Reply #31 on: February 14, 2010, 08:40:03 AM »

BPD have core feelings of fear and shame as a root to their behavior and because of that I think that a non could get painted black forever but not white since painting someone white forever wouldn´t be possible in connection with the deep-rooted shame and fear, but panting someone black for ever might be possible.

This is interesting, Stargirl. So, in your opinion, do you think that they could paint you black forever because they got so close to you that the fear and shame were so great that they disappear forever?

I'm about 4 months NC and my exBF has not tried to contact me once.  We were getting soo close (after 6 years on/off together) and seriously talking about moving in together.  I often wonder if this has painted me black forever.  Would he be that fearful forever to never contact me again?
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lieslieslies
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« Reply #32 on: February 14, 2010, 09:16:07 AM »

posted before but same thing, hoe to get shiny white again ?

hi all,

I would be so happy for your input concerning my endless years of

lying about my amphetamine missuse, as that is a part of the illness

with that drug, "oh no dear, me, no I haven´t taken any", but that was

my only lie to her in accordance with hers flooding lies, cheating etc.

and she always used that against me as a feder to do her lying to me,

as "if you lie about that I can lie back to you".

after some years I gave myselff an ultimatum, and believe it or not (true),

I succeded to get out of it, AND HERE COMES the quiz, then she call us of,

when her point earlier to everyone has told them she made it to get me sober

and I even spend time in jail for her, with the "purpose" of straighten me and

my drugged brain clean. but when that actually happened it seems like her

efforts was only a cover-up and good to have as an "exchange" to hers going

round my back with all her hit_-lying. and finally I ask you all, who probably asked yourselves, WHAT had happen if I had made my deal earlier, would we lived happily ever after ? that is the hardest of all questions after relation ends... .or... .

pks give your point of view on this subject.

a bit traditionell maybe, as if WHAT HAD HAPPENED IF I CHANGED THIS AND THAT... .GAGA GAGA

but still, I loved her then and I miss her due

3L wish for the   Idea
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Stargirl
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« Reply #33 on: February 14, 2010, 09:19:33 AM »

Hi iwillsurvive.

I think that that´s possible, yes. Of course, people with BPD differs from person to person, as the rest of us, and also things like how the relationship ended, and if they have someone (or many... ) new to hang on too would play a part, but yes, I think it´s possible to become painted black forever because of getting too cloose. I would guess that a non can become like a walking trigger to a BPD, and then I guess having that person splitted black would be the "safest place" for a BPD to be in. But I think it´s importent also (for our own healing... ) to not read too much in to not beeing contacted again because of the lack of object constancy/"out of sight out of mind" (yes, I know, it hurts like hell!... ).
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iwillsurvive
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« Reply #34 on: February 14, 2010, 09:38:41 AM »

Thanks, Stargirl.  I'm trying to not read too much into it, but I have a lot of free time on my hands lately (unemployed) and I tend to think about this situation with my ex WAY more than I should, even though I do tend to keep myself quite busy.

He abruptly left me one day.  No explanation.  I don't think the object constancy would apply in my situation because we are neighbors.  So... .I'm not really out of sight/mind to him, even though I haven't seen him face to face since October.  (well, one time when we were driving down the street and he waved fanatically at me and I just kept on driving).

Anyway, I now he is disordered.  I know something isn't right.  But, I do miss him.  Especially on a day like today. 

Thanks for your insights.  Always great to read this board and get a different perspecive.

Happy Valentine's Day!

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Stargirl
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« Reply #35 on: February 14, 2010, 10:14:20 AM »

I know what you mean iwillsurvive, it´s easy to think about it way too much...    I´ve been 7 months out from a one year relationship with an unBPDbf, the ruminating was horrible in the beginning... it´s much better now but sometimes, especially when something else is hard or when some special day comes up (like new years eve, or like now, when both mine and his birthday are just around the corner... ), then it´s hard to keep the thoughts away... .

In my case it was I who ended the relationship, and that at a point when we where "working on our problems" (I put the " there because I can see now that he wasn´t working on any problems, I guess he was mostly occupied with getting a new woman hooked... ). I think he felt soo much that I betrayed him and not the other way around (I´m black = he´s white!). I also live cloose to my ex but not like neighbours, I find it hard that every time I walk out the door it´s a real risk that I could bump in to him. I feel with you and your situation, it must be hard to be as cloose as neighbours. I think you did a really good thing when you just drove on when he waved at you. Stay strong and take care!

And happy Valentine´s day to you also! 
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lurchlookalike
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« Reply #36 on: February 15, 2010, 12:37:02 AM »

Well, I guess this thread is about dead so let's end it on a positive note (but by all means keep it going if you like).

You know the old saying: "Once you go black, you never go back". In my case at least, I'm afraid that is true.

Bought her a box of of dark chocolates last night after she said she never wanted to see my ugly face again. Now who could say a thing like that? Look at my picture gosh damn it! I always thought I was slightly cute, despite the marginal dental work. I think Dad did pretty darn good for a veterinarian.

Hey, Happy V-Day

cupidhit

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« Reply #37 on: February 15, 2010, 01:15:04 AM »

im still sure that one never stays perminent... .thats the whole point of splitting but whatever haha (that it switches from loving to hating)
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« Reply #38 on: February 15, 2010, 06:15:07 PM »

ever* hah
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lurchlookalike
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« Reply #39 on: February 17, 2010, 03:46:41 PM »

I think you are likely quite right about that unknown. I am in effect permanently "blacklisted" but if I ever bought into the dysfunctional dynamics I possibly would be returned back to white. I just can't quite do that though, so black I'll probably stay.

Thanks for all the replies. Good ones.

snowman
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« Reply #40 on: June 14, 2011, 05:53:28 PM »

Hey Everyone,

I made sure I found the trigger to have myself painted permanently black! Don't get me wrong I loved my wife, or maybe just the hopes and dreams, but I finally got her to hate my guts because my health was falling apart.

My wife is a field RN, so I wrote a nice letter to the doctor she works with in order to see if he might be able to convince her to seek professional help if she may need it. I put in a little explaination to how she mentally abuses her 12 year old daughter, and to do it for the child if not for my BPDw. You see, my BPDw use to try to make me jealous by talking about him all of the time. She would tell me how he says she looks very stunning the way she dresses (and get a load of this one) how good her butt looks in the jeans she wears when they go on patient visits.

I thought about that she may try and sue me for libel, but I didn't say anything malicious; only concern. I also didn't write that she has the disorder, but may have the disorder. I basically did it for the child that is my stepdaughter. Her daughter is becoming just like her mom, and I'm concerned she is going to grow up and go out to ruin other men like us and herself. I know this made sure she hates my guts now because she will become embarrased even though she will distort the facts!
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Really?
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« Reply #41 on: June 14, 2011, 06:02:33 PM »

I've been split both several times.  Oddly it seems that when get thoroughly fed up and I leave him in an extreme way, I'm split from black to white immediatly.  But as soon as he gets me back I'm black again (well as soon as the first thing he doesn't like happens, within a week I'd say). 

When we're appart we can be great friends, but as soon as we're back together he suddenly thinks he's entitled to the world and completly forgets the promises and how 'perfect' I am.  Back to Black.
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« Reply #42 on: June 14, 2011, 08:13:22 PM »

I think they can go back and forth with the splitting. I am basing this on my exuBPD and her "friends" which consist of 2 people. She split both her friends black and they stayed black for years. Then, because she felt she had no friends, she would split them white and start contacting them again. I am sure I am back as cole to her. I did not allow her to keep coming back into my life after she left. I ignored her completely. NC. She called me "mean and nasty". Smiling (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #43 on: June 15, 2011, 04:30:03 AM »

Im not sure what to think of this as my exBPD said to me that the only thing that would make them happy is for me to stay out of their life, I don't see a reconciliation to this one, I've been tared and feathered. What possible reason would he have to contact me again after all the nasty things he said and he lives in another state. ?
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Mystic
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« Reply #44 on: June 15, 2011, 08:45:42 AM »

You know, I don't even care anymore.   Smiling (click to insert in post)  And I like that I don't care.  What he thinks of me is not even a blip on my radar.   He is nothing in my life now but a mistake which became a profound learning experience.  I fell into a black hole and I had to climb out.  The end.   Smiling (click to insert in post)
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rstolk
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« Reply #45 on: June 15, 2011, 09:10:20 AM »

My wife made her 2 daughters BPD. Her daughter that is 12 years old and her older daughter that is 28 years old. I lived with the younger daughter for 2 years, and she use to paint me black when I tried to bring her up in the right manner (which her mother didn't want me to do) then paint me white when I was going to get her ice cream, or take her to the movies etc. My BPDw's older daghter is painting her husband black right now probably because the 12 year old is there for the summer, and trying to get her 28 year old sister to give her all of the attention because she is attention starved by my BPDw. When I went to visit the older daughter on our first Christmas the 12 year old got me alone in a room because she wanted to talk to me about how I'm giving her nephew more attention than her. You see, when my BPDw and I lived together the 12 year old would ask me for hugs every 5 minutes of the day because her mother only gave her minimal attention. It was purely sad. I think my BPDw's older daughter is going to break her marriage of less than 2 years with 2 kids. From the way she is talking on facebook it sounds as if she found someone else. It's a shame!

BPDs are breeding out there, and I wish we could put a stop to this, but I think the population is going to continue to grow. Ouch!
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DragonHeart
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« Reply #46 on: June 15, 2011, 09:49:36 AM »

Excerpt
She looks for the next victim while still in the relationship so she doesn't need to skip a beat. She wanted to have a friendship with me after she left me but in reality, she wanted to lead me on... .I know that.

And this is why many of them (as in the case of my ex) would be flirtatious with scores of men on facebook, so that she could easily secure a date when things inevitably go wrong with her and her latest shiny object. And not to mention doing this to p!ss her boyfriend off, keep him jealous and on edge, and make him work harder for her affections.

And true about the post friendship deal: I saw where she was trying to lead me when she tried to friendzone me, and it wasn't a pretty place at all. By trying to friendzone me, she was telling me in code speak, that I wasn't worthy enough to be her boyfriend, and I was going to be thrown in her man servant dungeon to suffer as she rubs her new rebound r/s in my face.

Seriously twisted stuff, but hey, they're seriously twisted people who need to be avoided like the plague.

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Hannahbanana
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« Reply #47 on: June 15, 2011, 04:17:23 PM »

I've been split both several times.  Oddly it seems that when get thoroughly fed up and I leave him in an extreme way, I'm split from black to white immediatly.  But as soon as he gets me back I'm black again (well as soon as the first thing he doesn't like happens, within a week I'd say). 

When we're appart we can be great friends, but as soon as we're back together he suddenly thinks he's entitled to the world and completly forgets the promises and how 'perfect' I am.  Back to Black.

My ex does this too.  He seems to push me away and if i go after him, he pushes further.  If i leave him to it or walk myself, he comes after me.  no sooner has he got me back on side, he starts a fight out of nothig and blames me, then tells em he wants nothing more from me etc.   He split me black for a year (during which time he was seeing a new girl) and only contacted me again 2 months before his new gf broke up with him, so he must have known it was coming and was basically lining me up again to take her place.  1 year and 4 months on from contacting me again, he's split me black again, same process as previous, same old words, same old behaviours, same old ignoring and becoming more and more distant... .same old swearing he's not seeing anyone new.  This time though, i'm not crying and pleading for answers from him, i'm leaving him to it.  On one hand i'm thinking he'll tire of waiting for me to run after him and he'll apologise and pull me back in, or, he'll find someone new, if not already linig them up and move on for another year.  Who knows. 
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Whitefang
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« Reply #48 on: November 16, 2011, 01:50:42 AM »

Ok I'm an idiot.  Spent $4,000+ on stupid psychics just begging for insight into this woman.  (No I don't have faith in those things), but nobody understands what I'm dealing with either - except you guys. 

I realize every person with BPD or not is different.  The black-splitting is unbearable.  To see/feel someone you love unconditionally hate you (esp when you're never even given a valid reason as to WHY), is a living nightmare.  You don't wanna see this person as a "stranger", but its hard to face the fact that THIS is a part of them too. 

I'm very ego-driven & was almost intimidated by the "white times", trying to remind her I'm NOT perfect, but she wouldn't hear it.  She'd say "maybe you're not perfect but you're perfect for me".  Boosted my ego sky-high after coming out of a marriage where I was cheated on like a schmuck.

I know we NONs can't fathom their logic, nor can they ours.  That's why we stand at opposite sides of the walls & neither knows how to breach into the other.  Its the NON who keeps trying while they slap our hand away, making the struggle even worse.  Do any of you know if BPDs want us to "chase" them or not?  I've asked her this myself many times & no answer.  Also, something was mentioned here abt how they sometimes never give your material stuff back.  Much of mine has been destroyed (only bc it meant so much to me & I found out later).  Do they keep certain items as "trophies" like some serial killers or what?  This is a legit question.

I also believe our concern is wanting to be painted white again bc we know we did nothing wrong to become the dreaded black, hoping for a chance to redeem ourselves (though we often have no real guilt - just perceived by their unfair trials they've placed us on).  BPDs are judge, jury & executioner while we are held prisoner by their emotional shackles.  There is a known stat out there somewhere that describes the psych behind how some kidnapped ppl or actual prisoners develop some "attraction" to their captors, simply bc they come to rely on them for things bc of their situation.  Use this metaphor to see these shackles that are invisible to anyone who's not involved with a BPD S/O.  How do we take the paintbrush out of their hands?

In my case, I'm totally addicted to this woman.  I genuinely love her for all the times she can elate me & return my love.  Yes I know "addiction" is a strong word & I understand the implications of it. 

Its depressing to read other ppl who are stuck doing this same dance I am.  My heart & spirit break not only for myself but for her.  Yes, I am a prisoner, but how do you love the queen without becoming one of her subjects?  I've invested so much & lost so much but this isn't a business of win/lose.  Its the desire for fairness, to be treated equal, respected.  Most of us hold onto hope to one day be fulfilled by this person.  The odds are against us but I think we're all strong ppl & good communicators here on these forums.  The biggest part I hate reading abt BPD is the hopelessness concerning what we're all looking for:  a fair chance to become "white" again. 

Does anyone have realistic suggestions for provoking a white spell again?  Since the splitting, I've been black for 8mo, with only slight glimpses in between.  Relationships shouldn't require strategizing tactics, but I feel helpless not trying something each day.  So each day that passes, I feel like I've failed.  Thanks
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lurchlookalike
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« Reply #49 on: November 16, 2011, 02:10:23 AM »

Well, I'm sorry you're in that place WF, I understand how you feel.

I've found that YES they do want you to chase them, whether they allow you to catch or not. Also that I can't really have a serious healthy relationship with the woman I married. I can listen to her, ride the waves, watch her turn vindictive at the drop of hat, come in laughing a few minutes later, etc., etc. on and on.

In order to really engage in conversation there has to be an understanding between the two of you, in my case it just is not there. She has no idea what I'm about even after decades of marriage.

To have a relationship and to be painted "white" again I would have to join in the dysfunctional dance with her, and I just can't do that, not for very long anyway. It's a big acting out game and truly like a rollercoaster with vicious outbursts always right around the corner, spaced by periods of relative calm. I get the feeling she prefers the rage and is naturally drawn to destructive patterns of dialect, no matter how many times it produces a negative outcome.

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« Reply #50 on: November 16, 2011, 09:33:11 AM »

my ex paints me black and then white again all the time. 

Mine too, currently he is in love again so I'm Satan's daughter.
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matt82

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« Reply #51 on: November 16, 2011, 09:43:32 AM »

It goes in one-two week cycles with my STBX. She has me split black right now... .Telling me how great her life is without me in it and filing bogus harrassment charges and whatnot. Give her two weeks, and she'll call me and start begging for a reconciliation.

Always the same, always predictable, like clock work. I hope she finds a new target soon and gives me a break!
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« Reply #52 on: November 16, 2011, 10:27:15 AM »

CANTALOPEZ - describe the "dance" you refuse to do & does not participating prolong her crappy behavior - simply bc she doesn't get what she wants?

I agree:  it takes 2 willing participants for conversation.  However, "silent treatments/ignoring" is NOT an acceptable method.  They have the power to p1ss us off thru LACK of participation.  For me, this is worse than being yelled at or smeared.

Been a wk since mine suggested a call.  I have a busy schedule & when I've inquired abt potential times for this "call",  she's "busy not ignoring", "phone died", "sick", "at the ER", "working", etcetc... .Tries to make me feel stupid for asking.  I used to let her promises affect what I was doing all these miles away, but not anymore.  Its confusing, but the reason she avoids talking it bc she's seldom able to treat me "in person" the way she does hiding behind written words.  Real emotion is in her voice & its like a totally different person.  I've told her this makes me feel really stupid, then I get angry, next thing ya know, I'm. A "stalker".  Told her a million times if she wants me gone forever, she doesn't have to tell me twice.  Only been asking for 8mos now.  Longest we've been with NC is 2 days.  In fact, there's a pending NC agreement that's supposed to commence following this "call" she's supposed to make first.  Yeah right... .doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. 

So for those who've been engaging in these relationships a long time (who've learned the "patterns", can you give us some time frames for how long the black/white phases last for you?  Do you feel anything gets "accomplished" during the white, when you have a better chance at talking to them abt what's important? 



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« Reply #53 on: November 16, 2011, 10:34:56 AM »

Mine, will bring me back to white in her mind, but then when she sees me, Im the trigger to her shame, so I go to black ... .and the conversation doenst end well.  On the phone isnt to bad, but its the in person thing that is her trigger. 
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« Reply #54 on: November 16, 2011, 11:19:49 AM »

Do they keep certain items as "trophies" like some serial killers or what?  This is a legit question.

one of two things or both, from what i gather.

1. object constancy issues. it's a way of remembering you, and/or feeling connected to you.

2. often, keeping those belongings is a door they leave open to reconnect. mine, whenever we'd "break up" (happened 10,000 times) she'd demand all her things back with this huge list, and she'd want it all in pristine condition, and i'd tell her to shove it. it was really strange to me that after our breakup, she didn't seem to care about her things at ALL. she always claimed her mom would want her to get those things back. things like a tv screen/computer monitor and a playstation. when i learned about BPD i instantly decided this was a door she was trying to leave open, and i tried to force the exchange of our belongings, which never happened, which, now that i mention it, brings me to reason number 3.

3. the exchange of belongings triggers their abandonment issues. they're also usually terrified to see you or run into you, and have no idea how to act. so... .this would best be avoided for them.
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     and I think it's gonna be all right; yeah; the worst is over now; the mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball…
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« Reply #55 on: November 16, 2011, 11:47:22 AM »

Strange thing is, I am sure not whether I have been painting black ever. My ex was a waif. Sure she gave me silent treatments and the hurtful 'jokes', but that could be more about control. She never spoke bad about me to others (AFAIK). Even after our final b/u she never spoke bad about me. It seems though that after the final b/u she has erased me completely from her memory. She has not mentioned me to anybody, not even our b/u. I had to inform her friends when I met them about our b/u. Also right up until the end the (intense) idealization continued, it never stopped.
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« Reply #56 on: November 16, 2011, 01:53:45 PM »

Do any of you know if BPDs want us to "chase" them or not?  I've asked her this myself many times & no answer.  Also, something was mentioned here abt how they sometimes never give your material stuff back.  Much of mine has been destroyed (only bc it meant so much to me & I found out later).  Do they keep certain items as "trophies" like some serial killers or what?  This is a legit question.

   Although the illness shows many simular traits, they are all somewhat different. Just as our levels of codependency are different. As far as chasing, its the same, some do, some dont. In my case, narcicism seems to be in play. Not coming to me, but dangling carrots, in front of me, in the oddest ways, and times. Just makes me go ?, and laugh. How bad do they need to fill thier hole. Whose available. Whats going on. Its exhausting, just trying to think of all the different scenerio. Logic into crazy, once again. Yes they seem to keep memorabilia, but dont alot of people, BPD or not ? It all seems to make just a little more sense (not much) when you relate it to a 5 yr old. Or maybe my 1 yr old dog. Many more parallels in thinking, than an adult.

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« Reply #57 on: November 16, 2011, 02:03:49 PM »

CANTALOPEZ - describe the "dance" you refuse to do & does not participating prolong her crappy behavior - simply bc she doesn't get what she wants?

That's a good question but I don't know if I can describe it in a few words. It's like I can tell where the conversation is leading (argument, ambush, triangulation (read definition) with kids, etc.). When I see it going there, which is often, I just cut it off, leave if I can, change the subject, walk away. After years of experience it's easy to see this coming. You can't really be honest, you must watch what you say, when you say it, how you say it, and more often than not just don't say it at all. For me, it's more agreeable to disengage when I see the trigger of rage about to be pulled. And yes, this disengagement will piss her off too, just not quite as explosive (usually).
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« Reply #58 on: November 16, 2011, 08:03:14 PM »

One week after my exBPDbf broke up with me out of the blue, I saw that he and his ex girlfriend who was previous to our r/s became friends on facebook. I was not cyber stalking him, but rather I saw the friendship pop up on the live feed... .I was SHOCKED! It only took ONE week after breaking off our 3 year r/s to befriend his ex? This is the girl that he claimed hurt him, that he despised, who was "troubled", who supposedly cheated on him, stole from him and was basically "no good" according to him. He also said that their r/s was an "on again, off again" and that she was bi polar... .Hmmmm kinda sounds like the pot calling the kettle black!  In retrospect, I realize that all of the horrible things that I had heard about this woman, was a result of splitting her black! And now, I am the one who is probably split... .I know for a fact that she had contacted him during our r/s and because for the first year, I felt very  secure (he was idolizing me at that stage) I did not feel strange about the fact that she had contacted him. I later found out that she was probably texting him and "keeping in touch". NOW, I truly wonder what else was going on and if he had her lined up prior to breaking up with me... .It makes me sick to my stomach to feel so betrayed. The fact that he even considered becoming "friends" with her doesn't make sense with all of the negative things that he told me.  It makes me feel like my r/s with him was nothing but an illusion.

So, to give my opinion on splitting black then back to white... .yes! I saw it happen right before my eyes. I'm sure that if my ex hooks back up with the "psycho exgf" that it will eventually turn sour again, and then he will have another reason to say "poor me". That will be the time that he will possibly reach out to me. As of now, I have not spoken to him since our breakup aside from a few text msgs that he sent to "reminisce" about the "good times" that we had... .then he tried to get flirty with the texts and sext me... .seriously what the heck? 
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: In RS with Non ... Mother with BPD
Posts: 1190



« Reply #59 on: November 16, 2011, 09:20:24 PM »

Hi,

Its been 9 months.

It had been 4 months total NC on my part ... .

In those 9 months after finding out she had moved on ... .one day I love you and want to get married and the next she loves someone else ... .like most its been a dance of being painted from black to white.

I had no idea about BPD till about 2 months post RS when i sought help from a doc and T.

In the 7 months since then I have initiated contact zero times. She on the other hand has done it and I fell for it about 7 times ... .not recently mind you. Other attempts even beyond this after 4 months of blissful silence two in the last 2 weeks and numerous other ones to just run into me.

Anyhow ... .total attempts on her side 15 plus.

I know from when i didn't know what I was dealing with I was like many being painted from black to white ... .she loves me she hates me and back again. All of this with zero interaction at all.

Right now ... .again the attempts at contact ... .phone calls with hangups ... .emails ... .turning up where she knew I would be. List goes on and on. Last contact I was actually painted white as her saviour ... .prior to that it started out this way only to end up being the son of satan and painted black again. Again and again.

Honestly I don't care anymore and just wish my ex would stop contacting me in any way shape or form. I just don't care ... .DON'T CARE. Yes I sound like someone with BPD saying this but its a boundry which allowed me to be in an unhealthy relationship in the first place.

All of this is about contact ... .and who cares honestly if your ex in her mind is now painting you white ... .or black. It does not matter. Eventually you will be painted black again as we all were time and time again during the RS.

My experience like most who sadly have had some contact post relationship is yes ... .you go from white to black and back again when their needs are met ... .or if you refuse to be the doormat again... tag your in and black again  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

NO CONTACT.


Dont worry about what someone who is menatlly ill thinks about you.

If they are very lucky and seek treatment and keep with it ... .for about 5 years they may actually get a bit better. This was the call on my own ex with 8-9 out of 9 of the BPD traits. Since she is high functioning despite this 8/9 score and see's and accepts zero fault for any problems she will never seek help.


Bottom line ... .NO CONTACT

Sorry but some very painful memories caused post RS by this sort of stuff.

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