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Author Topic: Side effects of being with someone who suffers from BPD  (Read 8047 times)
vanilla_essence
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« on: February 10, 2010, 06:02:20 AM »

As I'm currently recovering both physically (see my update post) and mentally from the madness I've been subjected to, I would like to know what side effects this has had on others. Symptoms, physical and mental. I think this is a lot more serious then some of us would like to admit. Please let me know your own stories on this.

Thanks

The Witness
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GCD145
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« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2010, 06:26:27 AM »

As I'm currently recovering both physically (see my update post) and mentally from the madness I've been subjected to, I would like to know what side effects this has had on others. Symptoms, physical and mental. I think this is a lot more serious then some of us would like to admit. Please let me know your own stories on this.

Thanks

The Witness

I think I suffered from a mild case of PTSD.  I had anxiety attacks whenever she contacted me, to the point where I would hyperventilate when the phone rang.  No contact cured that.  I also had situational depression, but I think that was present during the last 10 years of the marriage as well.

GCD145
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iwillsurvive
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« Reply #2 on: February 10, 2010, 08:57:38 AM »

Before I met exBF, I was healthy.  As soon as he entered my life I have had numerous health issues that I NEVER had before:  depression/anxiety and panic attacks, two breast cancer scares, more colds/flu/strep throat (which I've never had before) than I ever did before, pulled calf muscles/strains, heart palpitations, and had to undergo a major surgery for female issues that only intensified shortly after I met exBF.

I have reflected on this and wondered why my body manifested all of these illnesses, where before I had none of it.  I think he was just a bad influence on me, both mentally, physically, etc.   :'(
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whyme87
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« Reply #3 on: February 10, 2010, 09:04:29 AM »

As soon as she entered my life as a friend my anxiety went crazy the way she messed with my head... .I did suffer with similar thing's before but she really played on it and made it worse... .When she was nice (the first month together) I felt the best I ever had... .how that changed  ... .it's as though it was done on purpose
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Colombian Chick
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« Reply #4 on: February 10, 2010, 11:19:14 AM »

I began to get really bad headaches, to the point that I had to go to Urgent Care one night because the pain was so great I wanted to throw up. I would sneeze all the time and have a stuffy nose. I thought I was allergic to my cat, but after my ex left I haven't gotten a headache nore nasal problems. Also I had a bold spot on my head. When I got checked the first time at the Urgent Care center the Dr. told me that my headaches were from stress. The second time I went to the Dr for the bold spot he said it was also stress. When I went the third time for my allergies he told me that it was stress again. By the third time when he pulled my medical records he told me I really needed to calm down and take a break because my body was reacting to all of the stress.
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TonyC
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« Reply #5 on: February 10, 2010, 11:30:36 AM »

ok

i dropped weight... .

i lost interest in everything...

i switched from the most outgoing person... .to not wanting to talk to anyone...

i also learned how to drink a half bottle of vodka... so i could have my own little pity party.

by myself in the dark... .

i think it was major depression...

then the lightning bolt hit me... .and i woke up... .

and welcomed the new world

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Beast98
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« Reply #6 on: February 10, 2010, 11:32:44 AM »

I developed terrible insomnia from the struggles with exBPDgf. A horrible inability to stop thinking about her with the next victim and the things she'd done to me, the evil of which she'll never be able to fathom.

Luckily, my shrink taught me a method where (and this takes real work) I clear my mind by concentrating intently on my own breathing. I suppose it's a form of meditation. And it does work. The ___ty part is that a year and a half after she left, I still have to use this or I'm up all night thinking 'How could this have happened?'.    
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Satori1964
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« Reply #7 on: February 10, 2010, 11:47:45 AM »

Likewise, before I met her I was happy & healthy.  After the honeymoon was over and the relationship progressed into the emotional quagmire that it was I ended up suffering from severe headaches, bouts of depression, I was filled with anxiety, suffered under several panic attacks, lost 12 pounds, severe mood swings, little to no self-esteem and yeah, I can't forget all those sleepless nights.  I ended up sleeping about 2-3 hours per night for weeks towards the end.  I finally ended up crashing last June and had to get professional help and go on anti-depressants for 3 months.  I develop a recovery plan for my self and went LC which helped.  Having gone NC on 12/17/09 is finally bringing me slowly back to normal... .  I am finally starting to feel much better... .  I just find it amazing how this relationship has affected me both emotionally and physically. 

Please take good care of YOUrself!   x

- Ciao
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« Reply #8 on: February 10, 2010, 12:31:30 PM »

i just feel used and my self esteem got lowerd alot but goin to the gym has been helping me get my confidence back.  plus i already had some ptsd so the whole relationship took a toll on me.
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anker
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« Reply #9 on: February 10, 2010, 12:35:29 PM »

Emdr Prozac and ambien... .couldn't sleep and still have trouble trusting people or relaxing.
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« Reply #10 on: February 10, 2010, 01:18:27 PM »

Depression for sure... .low self esteem. Tired and fatigued. Anxiety, esp. if I spotted her.  I've had more problems with reflux and porbably drink more than I used to. Lately, I have shaved that one down. My eating habits are terrible. I tend to eat whatever I can get a hold of. I try to make Sundays a day where I have a little company so I can make a nice meal. I hate eating alone.
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« Reply #11 on: February 10, 2010, 01:59:26 PM »

Dropped weight

HAd BAD dreams.

Usually in first two hours of sleep then lay away for hours (unisom helps).

Depression.

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« Reply #12 on: February 10, 2010, 02:04:38 PM »

I drank more then ever.  I never slept.  I performed poorly at work.  I have ptsd
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zeroday
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« Reply #13 on: February 10, 2010, 02:37:52 PM »

Depression, to the point of making me sick.  Migraines, which I never had before.  Some problems with sleep -- waking up early, not able to sleep, etc.  Low self-esteem.  Panic attacks and anxiety, especially when making decisions, and especially when I had to tell her about something that I knew she'll take badly. 

It got better once I realized what was causing it, and after being on the boards for a while. 

It got a lot better when I joined a sports team, and started going regularly.  I highly recommend this to anyone currently in or recently out of a BPD relationship.  Getting some exercise, and being exposed to non-insane people on a regular basis has done more for me than anything else.
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« Reply #14 on: February 10, 2010, 03:00:17 PM »

Anxeity, stress, trouble with sleeping, feeling depressed, low self-esteem, hard time concentrating at my work, trouble with eating etc.

When it comes to physical symptoms I recal when I was supposed to move in with him (which never happened, I ended the relationship at that time, I couldn´t keep my eyes closed any longer... ), then I got a bad back ache and I hadn´t hurt my back in any way or done any different things so I guess my back wanted to tell me something!... An other physical thing was that at a time during the relationship I got rash at my chin and when I showed it to him he said that his last girlfriend had gotten something like that too, he thought it was the same thing, then, of course, I made a joke and said: aha, it must be you then, you make us allergic! I thought it was okej funny then but now I think it´s almost hillarious  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) ... .Another "fun" part of it was his response to my joke, because he took it seriously  ? and almost offended said: no, no, it has nothing to do with me!
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madamebou

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« Reply #15 on: February 10, 2010, 04:01:06 PM »

I was lucky for the whole 4 years I spent with him.  Sleeping well, nothing special physically, if I except all the crying and swollen/red eyes.  Until I left him.  Few days after I told him of my decision and had to confront him in person, I noticed some itchy red patches on my body. Which soon became huge crises of hives!  Had never happened to me before, I even thought there was a really bad spider in my bed  ?.  Had to be under medication day and night, and even that was not enough.

That has lasted until he left. Today, 3 weeks after his departure, there is no trace of hives. As if it had never occured.

What has helped: I used some medical hypnosis techniques and during a self trance, I "talked" to my body, using those validation techniques acquired on that same board (merci merci merci  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post) !), telling my body that I understand we are going through difficult times and I would also react like that if I felt not taken care of, but we are a team of 3, body, heart and soul, and need to support each other, and soon we will be all back to good and normal.  After that, by the next day, the hives had decreased by half at least. I could not believe it!

That was my little experience.

Lots of courage to everyone!
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woddah
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« Reply #16 on: February 10, 2010, 05:50:11 PM »

I find this thread interesting because there are so many threads about all the illnesses the pwBPD have. If just being around them causes so much mental distress that is manifesting itself as physical ailments, it's no wonder that the people with BPD suffer from so many thing, because from everything I've read they are suffering worse than the nons around them do.
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Colombian Chick
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« Reply #17 on: February 10, 2010, 06:45:59 PM »

I find this thread interesting because there are so many threads about all the illnesses the pwBPD have. If just being around them causes so much mental distress that is manifesting itself as physical ailments, it's no wonder that the people with BPD suffer from so many thing, because from everything I've read they are suffering worse than the nons around them do.

Yes, we all can agree that they are suffering everyday.
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muddychicken
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« Reply #18 on: February 10, 2010, 06:54:45 PM »

Compartmentalizing my emotions... .anxiety... .fear... .depression... .losing my sense of self... .went from 200 to 183 in just under 2 months after I finally told her that I wanted out of the marriage... .loss of appetite... .insomnia that 2 Ambien couldn't touch... .alcohol... .pain killer addiction... .numbing... .and a 3 day stint in the local psychiatric hospital after I left and was re-engaged into staying! I am out and am not experiencing any of these... .15 year marriage... .2 kids so unfortunately I can't go 100% NC but am at probably 80%... .
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Healingheart.
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« Reply #19 on: February 10, 2010, 07:11:17 PM »

yeap, I had some bad side effects.

I started noticing my hair was falling out and developing a bald spot,

lost interest on every thing and just wanted to sleep all the time.

Really bad headache that lasted for hours and didn't go away.

Didn't feel like eating much or at all at times.

Fainting as I walked to college.

Feeling tired all the time.

Felt worn out.


My Psychologist professor would always asked me questions like "Are you ok?" "Is there some thing you want to talk about?" and once I told her about my (At the time current girlfriend (My exBPDGF) she made a serious face and two weeks later coincidentally we had a special guest talking about personality disorders and the grief process. I should have listen instead I was so sure that this would never be my ex gf... .Not at all, little did i know I was just refusing to see the facts and ignored most of the lecture.

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joe bfxlk
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« Reply #20 on: February 10, 2010, 07:47:25 PM »

I was near suicidal from the shame of living with the abuse and emotional cruelty, ashamed that I was letting myself do this.  Further, I felt hopeless and helpless about the future.  I thought that no one really cared about me and that I forever would be the caboose on a crazy train.

It helped when it was pointed out to me that I as allowing the BPD to be my virtually only connection with the outside world.

Sleeplessnes was life-destroying when with the BPD.  I worried, worried, worried for hours - and then woke at 4am worrying some more.  And from lack of good sleep, I would be edgy and paranoid, or worse, unable to do the important things that might have been scheduled after a sleepless night.  Toward the end, when we were sleeping in separate rooms, I was still afraid of her.  Sometimes I would literally barricade myself in the bedroom to prevent middle-of-the-night crises.  Then I would stay in bed, reading or whatever, just to avoid that first daily contact, which inevitably would be aggressive.  I was unemployed, so the fact that I had little reason to get out made the situation worse yet.

The doctor put me on sleep-inducing meds.  I was reluctant, but I have to admit that they regularized my life quite a bit - enough so that I saw that this had to end, or I would end.

You know what?  Within a week, sleep regularized and returned with quality after the split.  I was able to go off the sleep meds pretty quickly, even against the doctor's advice.  I do keep them nearby, and it is good to know that they are available in case a breakthrough bad night happens.  (I had one such this week.)  Just being confident that I WILL GET TO SLEEP after all helps in itself.
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alig2
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« Reply #21 on: February 10, 2010, 07:54:37 PM »

Depression and anxiety

PTSD with nightmares/ bad dreams, still having these from time to time

Lost weight, stopped eating for about two weeks (which didn't hurt ;-)

However, I also noticed some postive side effects as well. 

I think I slept better (when I wasn't having the dreams) and I had more energy.  I think the energy came about because he had dragged me down so far with the constant phone calls, texts and need for attention that I couldn't focus on much else in my life.  When this was over, I realized my focus came back on more important things.
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muddychicken
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« Reply #22 on: February 10, 2010, 09:12:35 PM »

Oh almost forgot... .suicidal and needed EMDR Therapy... .Being cool (click to insert in post)
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lifeisgoodx10
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« Reply #23 on: February 10, 2010, 09:14:45 PM »

I also think I have a light case of PTSD. It seems to be more from the stalking than the r/s itself. There have been a couple of times during the last few months that I was afraid of him and what he might do. I'm not so afraid anymore... .but I'm still looking over my shoulder and rightly so. Also wisely so.
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GCD145
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« Reply #24 on: February 10, 2010, 09:33:47 PM »

It got a lot better when I joined a sports team, and started going regularly.  I highly recommend this to anyone currently in or recently out of a BPD relationship.  Getting some exercise, and being exposed to non-insane people on a regular basis has done more for me than anything else.

The therapist I saw told me that she thought the only reason I was not completely wrecked- institutionalized- was exercise. It's good stuff.

GCD145 
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GCD145
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« Reply #25 on: February 10, 2010, 09:37:03 PM »

Oh almost forgot... .suicidal and needed EMDR Therapy... .Being cool (click to insert in post)

How we forget the little things... .

Smiling (click to insert in post) Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

GCD145
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woddah
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« Reply #26 on: February 10, 2010, 10:22:27 PM »

I had a little PTSD. I would get anxiety whenever my text message tone would go off. It's finally gone away.
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Butterfly03
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« Reply #27 on: February 10, 2010, 11:23:27 PM »

Depression, anxiety attacks, self esteem issues, financially drained, emotionally drained, lost weight especially over the last couple of weeks-cant eat, cant concentrate when working always on edge,tired-cant sleep, stressed, angry!

The price you pay for love... .

Butterfly
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Colombian Chick
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« Reply #28 on: February 10, 2010, 11:26:55 PM »

OMG!

I forgot to mention he told me I probably suffered from PTSD... .Of course I did!... .He gave it to me!... .A$$HOLE!
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Mirielle
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« Reply #29 on: February 11, 2010, 12:23:15 AM »

Wow I could fill a medical chart.

I got together with BPDxbf shortly after my divorce. I was grieving my xh's sabotaging tactics for us to have children, BPDxbf promised I'd fit into his family (3 daughters, older teens at the time, I should have known better, but thought FUN!), and he'd do anything to give me children, etc. My hair was falling out in handfuls from the 'infertility' stress. He finished the job my husband started and I'm left with no children. Still grieving no children. Lately, sparing details, girl problems and unbearable pain may force the issue to the grave and they may need to just take my uterus (oops, too much info... .). I am positive the stress has forced this. My age doesn't help. My hair went through another fit of falling out but I think it's stabilized. It did grow back the first time: you can tell if this happens to you because you notice all the fuzzies trying to catch up to the regular length of your hair. Fortunately I've always had too much, grew it long, and since there's still too much of it, no one notices. Just me clearing the shower drain.

Went through horrible adult acne. Embarrassing. Spent too much time in previous down times, after he dumped me, curled up in a ball drinking whiskey in a corner of the house. Crying on the stairs because I couldn't go any further. Spent a lot of time and money in PT because my shoulders and neck would lock up, like a severe muscle spasm.

Recovering from not talking to anyone, even co-workers. Especially men because of his unbelievable jealousy. I work in a non-traditional job and it is imperative I talk to engineers, developers, and construction workers. Eventually I would probably be fired for this because I can not do my job without talking to people. It is the crux of what I do. It got so bad I wouldn't even look anyone in the eye. My Mom asked me what happened to me: she pointed out I used to be such a happy person, such a giggly girl, I always laughed, now I don't crack a smile. In the first year, I confess, BPDxbf gave me a 22 with a magnum chamber (bigger bullets) and I thought about it. Like they say in AlAnon: "it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

I could go on. I truly believe in stress management therapy and working on improving myself, including reaching out to others. This site was a lifeline on Jan 10 when he moved out. You people were the first ones I turned to. Thank you for being here.
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