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Author Topic: started talkin to a new girl  (Read 801 times)
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« on: February 20, 2010, 02:57:57 PM »

first day i hung out with her... .red flags. she reminded me of my BPDex soo bad. she told me about all these family issues she had, and she alsmot started crying as she was talking. i noticed she seems to have a short temper too. 

im backin off.   it would be my luck i end up with another BPD... .
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Healingheart.
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« Reply #1 on: February 20, 2010, 03:10:48 PM »

Actually had my run in before I met the current non-BPD girl I dated for a week before broke up.(Not ready for dating, lesson learned)

The girl was a mess, all she seem to enjoy was her best friend who she called wife, and drama. Every time I talked to her was complaining about her best friend this, best friend that. She also had an ex boyfriend who abused her and kept moving back and forward. One moment she was turned on the next she was angry. We met up in person and she couldn't even look at me in the eyes, I kept asking her why and she explain she had that issue. (The same exact issue my exBPD gf had when we first met.) I should have run but instead I talked to her for a few weeks before she showed her true colors.

I removed her from my aim and facebook, glad I have cause I found out latter from some one. She is a mess and her ex abusive boyfriend was not really abusive at all instead she cheated on him and used to slap him in front of her friends.
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« Reply #2 on: February 20, 2010, 06:12:49 PM »

We tend to gravitate to what's familiar. Luck has nothing to do with this. Learning to see the red flagsred-flag  and be discriminating of what is familiar to us is a process, a process of self-discovery. Remember, these people are all around us- it's easy to get tangled up with them. Knowing yourself and knowing who these people represent from your past is powerful. Once you understand yourself and your attraction to Borderline women, you'll get over a hurdle that will change your life.
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turtlesoup
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« Reply #3 on: February 20, 2010, 06:17:48 PM »

We tend to gravitate to what's familiar. Luck has nothing to do with this. Learning to see the red flagsred-flag  and be discriminating of what is familiar to us is a process, a process of self-discovery. Remember, these people are all around us- it's easy to get tangled up with them. Knowing yourself and knowing who these people represent from your past is powerful. Once you understand yourself and your attraction to Borderline women, you'll get over a hurdle that will change your life.

You really do talk an incredible amount of sense 2010. I have imposed upon myself and with my therapists help and approval, a 6 month women free zone to really try to understand how I let myself, day by day come into this situation and allow it to get so bad, make so many excuses before I finally left her. I ignored the Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post) , and I think its crucial, although painful to go back through those Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  and really try to see when they came up and why you explained them away to yourself. Reading about this, I can really see, though to a far lesser degree, that the woman before this one was also abusive but for me, I feel already I am learning and have learnt enough to see Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  early on. I have already sidestepped advances from two BPDs since I left this one not 6 weeks ago!

I also see a lot of my prior gf (not BPD but still a real princess!) and I witness her now with her new partner, sitting there having him run himself ragged and it actually makes me chuckle a little bit.

On some level and i hate admitting it, the BPDer has done me a lifetime favour, I think i'd be picking women who abused me for the rest of my life had I not been given this extreme BPD beating!
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« Reply #4 on: February 20, 2010, 07:03:04 PM »

Truth is, there's got to be a reason why at a certain point- ONE person, one human being, got so deep into the bank, that they pulled out of us an inner pain that lay buried deep. Not many people get that opportunity. Some people never allow themselves to be opened up. (Some people have been so wounded that they will never allow it.) Those that do and suffer for it are better off in my opinion. 

I once dreamt that I took apart my car and tried to put it back together again. I ended up with a bunch of leftover parts and pieces that didn't fit anythink I could recognize and I was so depressed and confused about what to do. Allot of people told me to just toss out the stupid parts. Take a happy pill! And if I could make an analogy, that's what the pharmaceutical companies expect you to do when they give you a happy pill- just fuggidaboutit and toss the offensive parts.

But I placed all the aggravating little car parts out on a sheet and went to work trying figuring them all out. Still working on it too.

Arthur Koestler once said that Happy people are rarely curious- they dont need to be. There's no incentive for a happy person to question things.  That would be like a motorist stopping on the side of the road to check under the hood when the car engine is running smoothly and your on your way.

So while the happy dont need to be curious- the unhappy had better start figuring out why the car pings and knocks and sputters, or it's going to be a long, rough road ahead. Good news is that I'm learning how to take care of the engine... .after a great break-down by the side of the road. It's never too late to learn how do drive around those potholes. If I can do it, anybody can.

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« Reply #5 on: February 20, 2010, 07:05:25 PM »

Excerpt
I ended up with a bunch of leftover parts and pieces that didn't fit anythink I could recognize and I was so depressed and confused about what to do.

Sorry, typo: I ended up with a bunch of leftover parts and pieces that didn't fit anything I could recognize -and I was so depressed and confused about what to do.
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havana
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« Reply #6 on: February 22, 2010, 10:33:39 AM »

Excerpt
im backin off.

Sounds like the prudent move.
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