Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
June 24, 2021, 07:54:43 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Harri, Once Removed
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, I Am Redeemed, Mutt, Turkish
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Books members most read
105
The High
Conflict Couple
Loving Someone with
Borderline Personality Disorder
Loving the
Self-Absorbed
Borderline Personality
Disorder Demystified

Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Trigger of BPD behavior...  (Read 1869 times)
man34
***
Offline Offline

Posts: 174


« on: February 22, 2010, 03:45:23 PM »

Sometimes i get a very strong feeling that my exsistance and presence used to trigger BPD like behavior in my Ex-gf... .she loved me soo much (in her BPD way), but my presence triggered her BPD behavior... .as far as i know, she did not show similar behavior with her ex husband... .but she did not love him at all... .i mean they got divorced as well and had loads of problems... .but of a slightly different kind... .did anybody else experience that?
Logged
2010
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 808


« Reply #1 on: February 22, 2010, 07:25:23 PM »

Unless you were a fly on the wall- you cant possible say what happened in her previous relationship.  Bottom line is: They were unhappy and divorced for some reason or another. Dont overestimate the blame stories that came out of her mouth about the 1st Husband. Those stories are likely to have been what drew you to her.
Logged
PotentiallyKevin
Formerly "Mobocracy"
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Separated since Nov 30, 2009
Posts: 663


WWW
« Reply #2 on: February 22, 2010, 08:22:21 PM »

I think I know exactly what he is talking about... .My ex seemed to have a lot less problems in her "dual-abusive" relationship with her former boyfriend than she did with me, because I had an uncanny way of triggering her inferiority/abandonment issues. I don't really think she cared too much about her former boyfriend leaving her because he represented everything she wanted - pain and drama - and she could get that even if they weren't "together."

With me, she had to try a lot harder to get treated like crap or indifferently... .and in a sick sort of way, this triggered her. It was as if no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't make me freak out at her the way she desperately needed me to, which made her feel powerless.

I always joke with my friends, that if I had been a controlling, abusive, d-bag boyfriend, she would have never left me.
Logged

po·ten·tial  adj.
1. Capable of being but not yet in existence; latent: a potential greatness.
2. Having possibility, capability, or power.
3. The inherent ability or capacity for growth, development, or coming into being.
4. Something possessing the capacity for growth or development.
unknown
****
Offline Offline

Posts: 473


« Reply #3 on: February 23, 2010, 12:56:42 AM »

youll never know how much trouble they had in the relationship. everyone thought i was having a perfect relaitonship with my BPDexgf. only people who knew i wasnt enjoying it was my best friend, physchologist, and my family.

from the outside though, because of pictures of us and other things, it looked like the perfect relationship. 

haha not at all.
Logged
dilbert
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 433



« Reply #4 on: February 23, 2010, 03:27:19 AM »

"I always joke with my friends, that if I had been a controlling, abusive, d-bag boyfriend, she would have never left me."

i kind of think that about most women Laugh out loud (click to insert in post). im gonna hear about that one!
Logged
turtlesoup
*******
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1045


« Reply #5 on: February 23, 2010, 04:16:25 AM »

"I always joke with my friends, that if I had been a controlling, abusive, d-bag boyfriend, she would have never left me."

i kind of think that about most women Laugh out loud (click to insert in post). im gonna hear about that one!

Ah Ah careful. It's just "most" women we're involved with! I have lots and lots of girlfriends who all warned me about crazy, they have kind considerate men who they don't dump on and ask me when I'm going to come over to the light side! There are many good women out there, I even dated one once, before I ditched her for crazyshoes.
Logged
Healingheart.
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 83


« Reply #6 on: February 23, 2010, 04:55:23 AM »

I think this is the reason why I believe my ex will never contact me or the fact that I live no where near her or she told me that she had a hard time remembering me or any thing good about me. I some times wish I could forget her completely but I can't. She threw me away like I was a trash and all the time there been contact it been me.

I some time wish she could try to contact me just so I can at least know I was some one important in her life, I was her first boyfriend, the guy who cared about her and spent time with her through her hard times, cheered her up when she would go on about not being good enough and most importantly a guy who loved her to nearly ending my life for her.

but wishing she would contact me to validate I was some one in her life but it isn't healthy, its just hopeful wishing. I'm slowly forget her and recovering but some times I curse the word "love" for love dealt me the lowest blow and I am still weeping while gasping for air as I attempting to get off the ground.

i kind of think that about most women Laugh out loud (click to insert in post). im gonna hear about that one!

There's a truth in that, for females are a more attractive towards assertive males, rarely will you see a female who is attractive to the gently kind and emotional guy at a younger age. they mostly have to go through a lot of "Assertive" males to finally search for the kind emotional and kind guy. This is just my opinion based on what I see around my life and friend lives.
Logged
turtlesoup
*******
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1045


« Reply #7 on: February 23, 2010, 04:58:32 AM »

There's truth in that. My younger female friends yes, they havent been battered enough by the wild boys yet. However, the more stable women in their 30's, most of them, avoid these guys like the plague and talk about them in very disparaging tones.

Some women are wiser to it younger, it all takes time. We all have to gt our chops busted once to know what is good for us right? And most of us here are going thru just that.
Logged
Want2know
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 2936



WWW
« Reply #8 on: February 23, 2010, 05:56:40 AM »

Sometimes i get a very strong feeling that my exsistance and presence used to trigger BPD like behavior in my Ex-gf... .she loved me soo much (in her BPD way), but my presence triggered her BPD behavior... .as far as i know, she did not show similar behavior with her ex husband... .but she did not love him at all... .i mean they got divorced as well and had loads of problems... .but of a slightly different kind... .did anybody else experience that?

I understand what you're saying about your mere existance being a trigger... .I feel that, too, sometimes.  Not sure how long you were with your ex, but the longer you're with them, the more "comfortable" they are to let out the ugliest of BPD behaviors to those they feel closest with, so you weren't necessarily the trigger, but you were the one to get the brunt of it all because you were closest to her.

Also, you don't know who initiated the divorce... .it could have been the guy who couldn't take any more of her, so the fact they were divorced doesn't necessarily mean anything.
Logged

“The path to heaven doesn't lie down in flat miles. It's in the imagination with which you perceive this world, and the gestures with which you honor it." ~ Mary Oliver
man34
***
Offline Offline

Posts: 174


« Reply #9 on: February 24, 2010, 01:10:46 AM »

thanks for ur insight
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2021?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2021 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
Andi1956
Anondad
Cnvi
doghouse
drained1996
EyesUp
Harri
JD2028
lovenature
Mac5
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
old97
P.F.Change
Skip
snowglobe
Swimmy55
Teno
Turkish
wendydarling

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!