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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Are you SERIOUS?  (Read 775 times)
BrienBear
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Relationship status: no longer together
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« on: March 08, 2010, 11:52:31 AM »

So I'm on twitter, and use it A LOT to chat with friends, etc. Well thats been a source of issue because I'd twitter something and then he'd use anything I said against me, or if I was chatting with someone on there I dont know, but thought was cute, and would mildly flirt, he'd tell me to run off with that person and be with them instead of him, etc. Basically super-jealous BS.

Well as one of my previous entries denotes, he's moved out friday. But I found out today that he created a FAKE TWITTER ACCOUNT and started following me! And he's been private messaging with me about how he has a bi-polar cub and his bi-polar cub has been in the hospital and this and that and OMG... .WTH! Seriously! Does it EVER STOP?
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turtlesoup
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« Reply #1 on: March 08, 2010, 11:57:10 AM »

I don't really understand much of this but I get the impression he is following you around and trying to interact with you.

I don't know what a bi-polar cub is?
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BrienBear
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« Reply #2 on: March 08, 2010, 01:01:32 PM »

I don't really understand much of this but I get the impression he is following you around and trying to interact with you.

I don't know what a bi-polar cub is?

Ekk - I probably said a lot of stuff in here that few people do get. I forget that I'm a computer nerd and most other people aren't LOL

twitter is a site that lets you basically chat with your friends in 140 characters or less for each message. it was meant to be a little social networking site but its exploded.

in the gay community you have animal terms for a small sect of the (gay) population. They're called bears (hence my name)

bears are (essentially) fat hairy gay guys

Cubs are usually younger fat hairy gay guys Smiling (click to insert in post)

etc etc etc.

So my ex created a fake account on twitter to watch what I was doing. when he did, he was using a persona of this guy who was a bear who had a partner he refered to as his "cub".

Basically he's stalking me on twitter by using a fake account to see what i'm doing and what I'm saying.
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« Reply #3 on: March 08, 2010, 01:28:18 PM »

If you are using twitter as a broadcast to the World that you exist and are available for flirtatious exchange- then of course it's going to cause anxiety to your partner.

BPD is a fear of abandonment. Do you see how your need to flirt (and I assume it's a need) might be a trigger for his fear? I do.

In fact, if I knew my partner was Borderline on this, I would try to help them understand that their feelings of dread and fear are unfounded. But that's if I was staying with them and making a conscious effort to work through the insecurities. In fact, I probably wouldn't be on twitter in the first place if it caused such a fear- unless I was working with my partner in therapy.   When it comes to twitter or love, twitter and the need to tweet- would be second place.
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BrienBear
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« Reply #4 on: March 08, 2010, 02:37:38 PM »

If you are using twitter as a broadcast to the World that you exist and are available for flirtatious exchange- then of course it's going to cause anxiety to your partner.

BPD is a fear of abandonment. Do you see how your need to flirt (and I assume it's a need) might be a trigger for his fear? I do.

In fact, if I knew my partner was Borderline on this, I would try to help them understand that their feelings of dread and fear are unfounded. But that's if I was staying with them and making a conscious effort to work through the insecurities. In fact, I probably wouldn't be on twitter in the first place if it caused such a fear- unless I was working with my partner in therapy.   When it comes to twitter or love, twitter and the need to tweet- would be second place.

Well, and obviously you didn't know about this aspect of it, was that he would be on a site (for bears) talking to guys to get his rocks off. He liked to go on there, and not just flirt (my biggest comment to someone was, "WOW yer really cute!" but he liked to actively engage in conversations about what he'd do when he were with them, etc. I am a computer guy (network admin) and at one point, I suspected he was up to something and decided to remotely watch what he was doing ON MY COMPUTER mind you. He was on that same site, while hiding it from me, (including using the "incognito" browser portion of Chrome) asking a couple guys if they were ever free during the daytime to hook up, etc. Mind you he wasn't' working at the time, I was supporting him, and he was asking guys if they wanted to hook up. In my apartment.

With all respect to you and your situation, I think anything that I did to him (a little flirting openly so he could see it while still supporting him and making sure he knew I was with him and only him. The guy I was flirting with lived 2000 miles away.) is far more harmless, regardless of mental disorder, than asking guys if they'd like to hook up during the day while I'm at work. And doing said chats behind my back - whereas mine were very much in the open. Until close to when we broke up and I closed my twitter and blocked him so he couldn't see what I was doing anymore. And we were broke up.

And regardless of our status back then, we've been broken up for 3 months. He created this fake account a month ago and has been trying to pump me for information. Sorry if that wasn't clear as well.
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