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VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
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Author Topic: I'm back but not sure why...  (Read 1227 times)
Paralyzed
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« on: March 09, 2010, 07:04:59 AM »

So, I haven't been on here in months. Been away from the crazy ex since September. I struggled a lot early on, and had to ignore her little attempts to get at me. She stayed away for good once she started seeing another guy. That was around November. She began showing up with him at the club I hang out at with my friends. I ignored and left everytime. By the time Xmas rolled around, I was feeling better and was getting through it. Total silence from her... .nothing. I began to hear rumors - this is a small town - that the guy she was seeing was still in contact with his ex gf. Even spent time with her. He was quite the ladies man apparently. Another girl I know messaged me that he was calling her constantly, and telling her how crazy my ex was. This was of course very funny to me, but I still moved on. I met a girl who was great and that got me over the hump. Finally, two weekends ago, I got the text from my crazy ex that I knew I would get someday. It said "hey paralyzed. How are you? I was talking to your cousin last night". My new gf was next to me in bed sleeping, and I still have not answered the text. The next day I contacted a good source and asked why she was suddenly contacting me again. She said "he dumped her earlier last week". So, that explains why I heard from her. My current problem is this - the new girl turned out to be a former drug addict with a bad past. When it came out it was obvious she is still struggling with it. She broke up with me. Now i'm alone again. And of course the desire is now there to respond to that text message. I wonder if she would be different this time. I'm suddenly having a hard time. Talk some sense into me please!
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Want2know
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« Reply #1 on: March 09, 2010, 07:09:39 AM »

Been away from the crazy ex since September.

Your "crazy ex" - you said it, not me.  You really want to go back to this?
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“The path to heaven doesn't lie down in flat miles. It's in the imagination with which you perceive this world, and the gestures with which you honor it." ~ Mary Oliver
VanessaG
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« Reply #2 on: March 09, 2010, 07:15:52 AM »

Sounds to me like a good time to take a break from the ladies and get your own head straightened out, get healthy, rediscover who you are and THEN find a lovely, healthy woman.

Your exBPD is not conducive to that happening.

I've been NC with a couple of bobbles since September too, and I am more than relieved that I have not been re-engaged.  It sure doesn't make moving on easier.

My advice is to stay NC.  Ask yourself where you'll be if you respond.

Nowhere good.

Good luck.  Why do these things all seem to go down at the same time, right?

VanessaG
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NoWonder

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« Reply #3 on: March 09, 2010, 07:16:37 AM »



  c'mon man... .don't do it ... . STAY AWAY !   Everyone told me my ex was crazy ... .did I listen ? NO... .don't forget the lies, the pain and all the other bs you'll be dealing with. Is that REALLY what you want ?  Just go slam your head in the door . It would make more sense and be less painful than getting back together with your ex.

                                                - take care
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Koro
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« Reply #4 on: March 09, 2010, 07:23:16 AM »

Hm... .

Try to fix things with your current ex if possible, and not your ex ex. If that's not a possibility, stay single for a good while, I guess.
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Paralyzed
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« Reply #5 on: March 09, 2010, 07:50:20 AM »

Thanks for the advice guys. i'm not going to talk to her. I'm just frustrated that I had actually forgotten her number, until I saw it pop up on that text message. I thought I was out of the woods but i'm not. Oddly enough, the reformed drug addict that is apparently still struggling with her addictions 2 years later would be a better girl for me. Go figure.
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Koro
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« Reply #6 on: March 09, 2010, 07:54:37 AM »

Thanks for the advice guys. i'm not going to talk to her. I'm just frustrated that I had actually forgotten her number, until I saw it pop up on that text message. I thought I was out of the woods but i'm not. Oddly enough, the reformed drug addict that is apparently still struggling with her addictions 2 years later would be a better girl for me. Go figure.

Well, she being a drug addict doesn't make her a bad person. I don't do drugs, btw. But, well, if there is "love" maybe you can help her get out; but yeah, I know where this is all headed. You are going to be, once again, the rescuer, the caretaker. Sucks, sucks, sucks.
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turtlesoup
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« Reply #7 on: March 09, 2010, 07:54:53 AM »

You sound like I used to be. You would rather be in with one crazy woman or another than take time out just to be single.

I've past 2 months single and 5 weeks NC and I'm fine, I don't have any desire to start again with someone else because I know I'll make the same mistakes... .plus I think exBPD stole my sexdrive or whipped it out of me somewhere along the line. It's starting to return, but what u need now, after what sounds like two offbeat women, is some alone time to figure out who you are and what u want from a girlfriend.
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truefriend
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« Reply #8 on: March 09, 2010, 08:12:29 AM »

I agree NC with the BPD X... .and I would use caution with the new girlfriend. You don't need any of that. You sure don't need to help or rescue the x druggie from anything. Her issues, let her deal with it. Keep yourself busy and occupied. Continually improve yourself in all different areas. The text just tickles the human side of curiosity. A week back in and you would be kicking yourself. There are healthy women out there when you are ready... .
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louise12

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« Reply #9 on: March 09, 2010, 08:58:28 AM »

change your number, hopefully they can't get hold of it and therefore cannot contact you with all their bs  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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2010
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« Reply #10 on: March 09, 2010, 04:42:29 PM »

Excerpt
Now i'm alone again.

What's wrong with being alone? Most of us are alone.

We all have the need to belong. Belonging can be accomplished with people who share our interests; groups, hiking, book clubs, sports, playing cards. The list is endless.  The need to belong is a healthy urge that gets us interactive, creates friendships and deletes our feelings of isolation and "aloneness."

Ask yourself why you think all of this is easier to find in one woman. If you find it easier to open up to a romantic partner to solve your alone-ness, you'll be in a constant state of worry that the one person you found who takes away your loneliness will leave.  Having someone in your life to keep loneliness at bay is not solving anything.

What you really have is a case of a Remora who clings to a Shark.  If the Shark shakes you off, you need to find another Shark to cling to for safety.  The Shark takes you here, the Shark takes you there... .you really are not in control of where you're going.

Isn't it about time you become your own Shark? 

Start with your first interest on childhood-the one thing you loved in adolescence. Whether it was playing guitar or fixing cars, or even reading comic books.  Investigate it and go from there.  You'll soon meet new friends (Men and Women) who share your interest and you will establish a better grasp of your identity that will carry you into your Golden years.  It's within you- no one can take it away from you- but your distraction with *un*healthy partners is drowning it out.

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JoannaK
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« Reply #11 on: March 09, 2010, 04:59:21 PM »

You may really want to consider if it isn't time for you to spend some time alone... with yourself.  Many of us need time to heal so that we don't either go back or get into another dysfunctional relationship.  It's not a bad idea to live (and be) alone celibate, for a year or two.  Renew the relationship with the only person who can never leave... and who you can never leave...   Yourself!
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