Torn...

[SheWasAFriendOfMine]

Between staying to keep reading the valuable posts on here or taking time out and quit obsessing about this woman that occupied a very short time in my life.  I have realised that the more I read up on BP stuff, the more obsessed I get about everything she said, did, acted etc.  It's wearing me down. 

The irony of it though, is that I find out nuggets of invaluable information everyday.  Each new post, page, site, blog of BPD and other facts related to it yields something that has been good for me.  Yet, I feel by reading more and more on this is just a way of extending the obsession.  My headaches and dull numb pain have been replaced with all things BP. 

I am concerned that I now see BP like behaviour everywhere I look and it's scary, as the symptoms/characteristics are so real.

Perhaps, I am just coming to grips with self examination and understanding.  Part of me is ashamed of having put myself in such a bad relationship.  My pride has been in being very observant and taking care of me.

One advantage from all this is that I am looking at myself more critically and the vital brick by brick reconstruction has began in earnest.  Thank you Miss BP, I've discovered areas in me that needed a good oil change and full make over.

Any one else go through these?

[2010]

Perhaps, I am just coming to grips with self examination and understanding.

You are coming to grips with self examination and understanding, but you haven't gotten to the scary part yet. Right now you are hypersensitive to seeing BPD everywhere. Soon you'll start to sense an odd familiarity with them... .That's when you recognize, the fickle finger of fate stops pointing outwardly at others and turns itself to point at your chest- at the area of your heart.

[SheWasAFriendOfMine]

the fickle finger of fate stops pointing outwardly at others and turns itself to point at your chest- at the area of your heart.

Mmmmh, I must admit that ove rthe last two or so weeks I have aksed myself whether I was a pwBPD too.  Could well be a case of fleas, but yes I am looking at my childhood to understand why I opened my heart to m UexBPDgf, because she seemed so "right" yet was completely wrong and bad for me.

I am ready to comfront the demons from the past, especially if it makes me a better person and gets me into healthy relationships.

[CVA]

I am with you brother man!

I too had a short relationship... .Hell i married her... .54 days,,

Sorry man... .what you have to feel... .i totally know where you are at!   x

keep posting.

[left4good]

I'm in the same boat! But it's all good! I've come to terms with the fact that i was flawed prior to this mess and am a little scarred now because of it.  It's part of the deal.  Acceptance.  Now i'm motivated to do something about it.