Jo Coudert once wrote: The person who conveys, "I am nothing. Make me something," may all of his life have people trying to answer his hidden plea, but their answer will be in the terms of,
"I am trying to make you something because you are nothing," and thus, an insult will be embedded in the response. It will be heard just as clearly as the attempt to help. And it will be hated. The hand held out will be seen as the same hand lifted to strike."
So, where does self-esteem come from? Given a reasonable childhood, it was deposited then. But what if someone's childhood wasn't reasonable? Then a little brainwashing is in order and a leap of faith that persons can correct their deficit.
Our very own history is studded with inadequacies and failures, and so is theirs. We must accept our failures and integrate them into ourselves. Denied failure can turn malignant, spreading, corrupting. Failure needs to be acknowledged. Not in despair but in sensible recognition. The truth becomes evident when we let go of others and let be.
The only way to forgive is to forgive ourselves first. We must let go what we fear and hate in other people and recognize that it is only what we fear and hate in ourselves. We fear and hate their ability to wound us, to deprive us of love and respect. We fear and hate their ability to expose and exploit our inadequacies- to push our triggers as we push theirs. But if we stop tenderly guarding ourselves, if we accept ourselves for what we are, we can accept others for who they are and our fear and loathing drops away. You have to let go now- and allow failure to be acknowledged.
