how do people with BPD act when they drink?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

im guessing very very emotional?

[unknown]

im guessing very very emotional?

[moving1]

My ex could become very emotional after drinking, just burst into tears for no reason. It also made her very sexual. Sometimes when we were out she would tell me what she wanted to do to me when we got home. ?

[duncanville1]

Mine would relax, it was a escape from the endless thought's and emotion she couldn't turn off.

[T2H]

Yes.  It makes things worse.

Btw, just curious if you're writing a book or something with all these questions you've been posting... .

If you're leaving, why are you continuing to focus on general BPD aspects?  (and rarely post again in a thread you started?)

[seeking balance]

Mine reacted depending upon the environment.  If we were at home and having a glass of wine with dinner, she would relax - she said it slowed down her head.  If she was stressed from work, she would drink a few and fall asleep.

If out - a whole different person showed up.  She needed to be center of attention and turned into the environment.  If it was a bigger party it likely ended with her unable to even walk out the door.  She would become angry if I asked her to slow down the drinking.  Drinking became a huge source of our problems - I even went to alanon for a while. 

The day after was always very bluesy, sad, depressed - followed with her saying "I really shouldn't drink like that"

[ron7127]

MAny BPD's have drinking problems. AA is full of personality disordered folks, IMO.

My XW would just say and do stupid , embarrassing things when drinking. She would flirt with men and make a fool of herself. She would have affairs while drinking. She was obnoxious and cruel to me and the kids when drinking.

[brownowl90]

Def a binge drinker but as a lot of our time together she was pregnant or a new mother I didn't see it often! But when she drunk it was to get smashed and she then wanted to be the centre of attention showing how crazy and wild she was, often ending up with her doing something to impress everyone!

[OverBoard]

Fueled, hostile, angry, raging, accusing, embarassing, flirting with men, touching them, kissing them, told me I reminded her of everyone that ever did anything wrong to her... .chaos, violence,... you name it. Think it triggered her BPD and Bi Polar for the worse. Nightmare. Living hell.

[fogbound]

She would rarely drink, maybe a glass of wine at dinner from time to time. It would cause her to get silly and giggle. It seemed like it was the only time she loosened up. I wanted to pour it down her by the gallon.

[confused101]

Mine drank too much although she flattly denied this, often insisting that she didn't drink at all. Despite her dynamic view of herself the truth was she spent most evenings in drinking a whole bottle of wine to herself. It seemed to allow her to cope with the obvious pain.

They don't seem to be able to cope with the pain from their past particularly so whenever she drank she would become very emotional. Strangely it was almost as if she was briefly rational for a moment and you'd get to see the amount of pain and self-loathing she was in. Horrible really, they can't ever come to terms with their own feelings let alone how they treat others but it's all swirling around in there just beneath the surface.

[bigcasino]

I have a very good story about my wife drinking.  I saw her drink a few times but never more than 1 or 2 glasses untill one night.  We were fighting about something stupid I dont remember what but I went I the bedroom to watch TV and she was in the other room talking to her sister on the phone 1 or 2 hrs later I had fallen asleep and when I woke up she was standing over me it was kind of creapy but inj her defence the phone charger was right there so I looked up at her and said "What" and then she started crying.  I held her for a few min. and told her it was ok I didnt want to fight anymore and after a few she hit me and walked out of the room into the guest room.  I followed her in there and I could see a box of wine on the dresser she layed down on the bed crying I ask her how much she drank and she said maybe 8 glasses.  Then I realized she was smashed so I was worried about her and I sat and talked for a while why she cried then she would get mad and rage and tell me how bad I am and all the bad things I did then she would cry and tell me how much she cared about me and how good I am then back to raging this went on all night she would try to drink more and I would stop her it was the crazyiest thing I have ever seen.  I think that I was getting to see what her world is like and man was it crazy I could not live like that.  at about 7am I went back to bed to try to get some sleep and about 5 mins later she came in and told me how much she loved me but that it hurt ttoo much to tell me then she said let make love let make love for 1 hr. and she jumped on me.  we then had the most incredable pashion sex ever it was wild I have never had anything like that she was a mad woman and broght out the animal in me too.  we then fell asleep and when we woke up she claimed that she didnt remember any of the night before.  that night was the most crazy night I have ever had in a lot of way.  the way her mood was shifting back and forth like every 5 mins and then the sex I think that she did remember but could not face up to the things that she had done or said and so she just acted like she didnt remember.  if this is what BPD have to go thru on a daily I feel very sorry for them I am glad I gort to see her world but I would not want to stay thwere very long.

[ve01603]

Mine was a raging alcoholic.  Could drink a fifth and become violent and black out. 

You would wait for him to pass out but he would just gain momentum.  I think it was the bipolar.

[strongbutwobbly]

my BPDh wouldnt touch drink as he said he knoew he would easily become an alcoholic as he felt he has an addictive personality... .!

[nonbpdnyc]

When mine drank too much, towards the end, I could see the real person in her. It was the sheen of lies and deceit was peeled back.

She would openly be mean, dismissive, disrespectful. You would see her sort of smirk, like planning her next move to _____ up my life.

It was horrifying... .

[runninggal81]

Well, my ex did not drink. I would have maybe a glass of wine out with friends twice a month... .and I'd have hell to pay. Not sure if it was drinking, or not telling him about it, or the friends I was out with. Don't care at this point.

His drug of choice was Adderall. He was a pain in the ass on it. When he was so hopped up on it and couldn't sleep, he'd take a Klonopin/Ambien/Tylenol PM cocktail. I only know of this happening a few times towards the end of the relationship, so it wasn't something I knew about and had ample opportunity to call him out on.

[Bubblegum]

violent anger.

[goldstar]

The last one to leave a party -- couldn't stop drinking. We were the last ones to walk out of a restaurant-type place (where his company Christmas party was held). They literally locked the door behind us. This happened both years -- it was a Magic Island type place, so it stayed open late. It was embarrassing. Would get angry if I didn't want to have "fun" with him. I really dreaded those type of functions.

At home, he got to the point where it was a 12-pack every night, either in secret (you could find the cans in the dumpster by our alley) or not. Raging, violent, mean, lazy, critical, scary, that's how he became.

First, he realized he couldn't drink liquor -- it made him crazy (violent and getting in fights). Then it was he couldn't drink wine -- it made him crazy. So he would drink beer and never admit that he would get crazy. He just said he liked the taste and he wasn't stopping.

He didn't stop until one crazy night where he threatened me and was holed up in a hotel room with a bunch of booze and a load gun. He went to AA, but was a miracle (that he accused me of not waiting around for). He flew through the 12 steps in record time, because he's so fantastic, even though I never got that apology... .

He was told he was an inspiration.

Don't know if he's drinking again, the kids say "no" that he just drinks O':)ouls, because he likes the taste (he told my son that.)

[rfking]

Flirtatious, horny, talkative.  I can imagine what happened when she went out of town on a trip and was drinking, getting hit on and loving all the admiration from the men. 

I can remember how many times I heard "I'm never drinking again". Whatever.

[RealEyes]

When mine drank too much, towards the end, I could see the real person in her. It was the sheen of lies and deceit was peeled back.

She would openly be mean, dismissive, disrespectful. You would see her sort of smirk, like planning her next move to  up my life.

It was horrifying... .

Thats the look i saw my now 25D with uBPD would do around me before i asked her to move out.

The X, he said he was drunk, couldn't drive after Bartending, wanted me to come by "NOW!", etc... .If (not when he demanded it like a child, yeeesh!) and when i'd get there,, he never really appear drunk, just light on his feet and chipper until he'd get sleepy, he'd get cranky and wake up as if he had a bad hangover, sleep for hours after a normal 8 hour rest. He was cute but also boring to a point since i'd want to go hiking or and camping after have morning sex, not sleep more?

[mindful]

Originally I thought the BPD was a drinking problem.  Many times she would dissociate--- get vicious, and rage.  One time when I tried to create distance by going into my office she stalked me and was banging on the door---  threatened to call the sheriff.  I asked why?  "Because this is my house !" Huh?  I don't want you to rage at me and you want to call the sheriff?    She didn't want me to leave.  She just thought I couldn't be controlled so you call the sheriff? 

All the bad stuff happened after drinking.  I believe she drank to modulate her emotions.  But when her eyes got that different look---  that was the cue to watch out.  One of the last things she said to me face to face was... . "You will never get use to the alcohol thing"  She use to say that because my dad drank I was over sensitive to alcohol.  She said she use to perform experiments and would drink before I would come home and see if I would notice.  And then tell me because I wouldn't say anything that drinking must not be a problem.  [Remember Monty Python's "Holy Grail"  Where they are applying medieval justice to the woman accused of being a witch---  "If she weighs as much as a duck, she is made of wood, and therefore ... ."  I am witch!   Why does that come to mine?]   She would split me and paint me the dark side of the moon when she would drink.  When she cheated on me--- it was a 4th weekend... . after a night of drinking... . and then came the proclamation,

"It was meant to be"

I think the drinking behaviors made it harder.  I could think... .if she just stopped drinking everything would be OK.  She drank nearly everyday.  I would drink along side her up to 2 glasses of wine--- and then she would many times steam ahead.

After breaking up---  I discovered that when people drink they diminish their capacity to be compassionate.  When I dove into mindful meditation I realized that you don't feel spiritual warmth as deeply--- and I don't mean just after over indulging.  I drink on rare occasions now.  

An alcoholic BPD is a 5 alarm fire for me.

[Benny]

Highly flirtatious,sexual,opinionated and talked in riddles.

[T2H]

Like The Sphinx?

[ve01603]

An alcoholic BPD is a 5 alarm fire for me.     

You are so right.

[ve01603]

Highly flirtatious,sexual,opinionated and talked in riddles.

Unfortuneatly was a cerebral nonsexual so I missed the flirtatious, sexual part.

[Benny]

I got the flirtatious,sexual part but the problem was so did a number of other men at the same time as me but of course she didnt see it that as a problem.

[ve01603]

I got the flirtatious,sexual part but the problem was so did a number of other men at the same time as me but of course she didnt see it that as a problem.

Exactly, I was going to add that if there was any flirting going on, it would have been reserved for a stranger.  I started to feel like I wasn't even a woman anymore.  He tried so hard to demean me and take away my sexuality. 

Need to make up for lost time if I ever find the time.

[Blythe1976]

Mine turned into a monster with no id control (not that he had much of that anyway). He would storm into the house at 5 or 6 or 7am, drunk, angry, slurring, slamming doors, demanding sex, raging when I refused... .a nightmare. Alcohol basically took his Mr. Hyde side and exacerbated it tenfold.

[downinahole]

It all depended on who she was around while she was drinking.  If it was around my family or friends of mine, she was highly flirtatious and sexual with me.  If we were around her friends, she was highly flirtatious with other men, and like Benny's BPDx, she did not see that as a problem... .and if I made any comments to her, I was a jealous a-hole.

[Runningasfastasican]

alternating, flirtatious, childish, sexual, angry, raging, combative, self harming, depressive... .all in the same night... .she would drink herself into a senseless, helpless state... .I could not stand it... .

[Devin78]

My ex would get horny after drinking or smoking pot. First time she cheated she blamed the booze the second time she blamed the pot then said there was something in the pot that made her comatose and claimed rape. That was 3 weeks after I filed for divorce. She realized that it was all her fault so she spread it around that I left her because she was raped by a black man. Labeling me a racist in the process.

[left4good]

drunk

Left

[downinahole]

drunk

HAHAHH... .Yes.! 

[InJourneyThroughOz]

Sexual, angry, flirting around, crying, horny, horny-hater, making scenes, trying to get me into fights, loving, kinky, puritan, not wanting to get out of the car, not wanting to leave the car, wanting me to take her to her house, demanding sex after calling me #"$"%&"$, telling me I understand her, telling me I don't understand her, walking down the street knocking on the neighbours door asking for refugee from me, telling me she loved me, she hated me, horny.

But she didn't have a drinking problem. She couldn't 'remember' next day, or I was too boring and didn't know how to party, or whatever. Then with FOG I was worried about her but didn't do anything nor told her anything trying not to make a bigger problem.

Funny thing, the only day I wanted to get 'drunk' and ask her to 'take an eye on me' she ranted, and pissed off. Good thing I was drunk and didn't care 'bout her ranting of not being able to 'party'. 

[confuseddotcom]

in my experience, horny and/or tearful

[TonyC]

my ex turned 22... .she was actually 48 prior to the drinks... .

[havana]

Mine use to be much more fun to be around. She doesn't drink very much now but when she does she gets ornery.

[fogbound]

My ex would get horny after drinking or smoking pot. First time she cheated she blamed the booze the second time she blamed the pot then said there was something in the pot that made her comatose and claimed rape. That was 3 weeks after I filed for divorce. She realized that it was all her fault so she spread it around that I left her because she was raped by a black man. Labeling me a racist in the process.

I'm sorry delvin but I busted out laughing at that. It's soo pathological it defies earthly norms.

[TonyC]

sound like the makins of a country song havana

[Devin78]

I wish I could write a country song like that. I need the money

[ve01603]

drunk

Left

Good one!  

[Lostone1314]

Mine was verbally abusive,sexually promiscuous,cheating,lying,sexting,flirtatious,contemptuous,gaslit... she had know idea when to stop drinking once started it wasn't glasses it was whole bottles... yet never admitted to having a problem... truth comes out when drunk she would slur...

[SummerStorm]

Mine was just awful.  She only ever got drunk once when she was with me, but she frequently would drink so much that she couldn't even function the next day. 

The time she got drunk when she was with me was the first time she made a move on me.  So, drinking made her impulsive and horny.  It also made her cold and unfeeling.  The way she looked at me was just so empty.  I mean, she had that look in her eyes a lot, but when she was drunk, it was a thousand times worse.  When she was drunk, she had this very maniacal laugh.  She admitted to me that she gets "rowdy" when she's drunk.  She was also a biter when she was drunk, and her kisses were incredibly forceful.  Not exactly the experience I was hoping for when I dreamed about how my first time would be.     I still can't believe I actually had sex with her that night.  I'm such an idiot.

She was definitely into really frantic, rough sex, and I am not.  It was a lot calmer when she wasn't drinking at all, but she had also taken a sleeping pill prior to those other times.  Basically, she couldn't do anything in life without being under the influence of something, whether it was prescribed or not.

[mks10]

my xBPDgf ended up with an unplanned pregnancy back in 2002 after a night of binge drinking. She was separated from her husband  at the time. She was having a really tough time in life, mistakes were made, and she paid a high price for that situation. This was 8 years before I even knew her so I obviously wasn't involved in any part of it. We never drank together and it was really never an issue between us. She had sworn off drinking years before I met her and I was thankful for that. I'm guessing BPD and unplanned pregnancies aren't all that uncommon?

[SummerStorm]

my xBPDgf ended up with an unplanned pregnancy back in 2002 after a night of binge drinking. She was separated from her husband  at the time. She was having a really tough time in life, mistakes were made, and she paid a high price for that situation. This was 8 years before I even knew her so I obviously wasn't involved in any part of it. We never drank together and it was really never an issue between us. She had sworn off drinking years before I met her and I was thankful for that. I'm guessing BPD and unplanned pregnancies aren't all that uncommon?

I'm not sure, though I would imagine there is a greater chance of it happening.  I would also say that they are at a much higher risk of contracting STDs.  My exBPD had a rash on her arm from a band-aid and said to me, "Maybe I have a latex allergy.  I wouldn't know, since I haven't used condoms in a long time."  I questioned her about it, and she replied, "I'm on birth control."  At that point, I didn't even bother bringing up the fact that pregnancy isn't the only thing that she needs to worry about.  If she was going to cheat on her boyfriend, I'm at least glad she cheated with me, since I'm 100% healthy.  But what if she had cheated on him with some random guy at a party?   

[SummerStorm]

This also made me think of something else.

I take everything my exBPD ever told me with a grain of salt because it was always about 75% truth and 25% BS. 

Once, she texted me from a party that she went to with her boyfriend.  First of all, she spent a long time texting me, which I'm sure made her look completely standoffish.  But then, she realized that people were playing beer pong, so she joined in.  As she kept drinking, she started telling me about how sexy her boyfriend's brother's voice is and how she was turned on by two girls were grinding on each other. 

A few hours later, she texted me and told me that her boyfriend hit her (this is where the 25% BS comes in) after she slapped him for calling her a whore.  She stopped giving me updates on the party after I went to bed, but she did keep texting me, and it was clear that she was drunk.  If he really did call her a whore, which isn't right but is very possible, it had to have been in response to her behavior at the party.  Basically, this was all her way of trying to sabotage her relationship because of her fears of abandonment.  There are still a lot of holes in this story, and she and I are NC, so I'll never really know what happened. 

[parisian]

Like some other posters, it depended who she was with when she was drunk.

With her friends, she was the party queen. Vivacious and charmy and witty and entertaining. If I was around, I was just ignored.

Drinking with friends took number one priority over everything else.

When she drank with me, those scary, vacant BPD eyes would come out. At first I thought those eyes were just that she had had too much to drink, but then I started noticing the aggressive, odd behaviour that accompanied that drinking. Agry behaviour, including towards my friends.

It was only when she was drunk that she would rage at me.

I started avoiding her on Friday nights, because Fridays were prime 'drinks after work' time, which usually meant she was smashed by about 7pm.

One night after 'work drinks' she text to say she'd be home in half an hour. Six hours later I still had not heard from her.

Another night, I stayed out with her and her friends and after having too much, decided I needed to go home as I was feeling unwell. She left me to walk home by myself in a large capital city, because she couldn't possibly leave drinks and her friends.

She made me wait almost an hour by myself at a restaurant on valentine's day, because she'd 'just got another beer', and clearly, beer with friends was way more important than meeting me at the time we had previously agreed. I was expected to just accept that as being okay.

She drank at home by herself too. Any opportunity for alcohol was taken up. She has massive problems with alcohol, and in time, I could see that.

Alcohol of course is one of the multitude of dependencies that usually comes with BPD. Throw in sex addiction, spending addiction, gambling or whatever, bingo, there's a BPD hiding in that addictive behaviour somewhere... .

[Lostone1314]

my exBPDgf contracted genital warts from sleeping around... told me cut her self shaving and got infected... course i had no idea what warts were till after out break when i googled it and compared pics online to her wart... disgusting what some of these BPD peeps get away with

[disorderedsociety]

Mine liked to talk to other guys online when she drank, when I left she sent them nudes.

[Lostone1314]

Mine liked to talk to other guys online when she drank, when I left she sent them nudes.

yep caught mine sexting nudes to ex bf ... .she dismissed it as drunken mistakes ... .sick

[Fr4nz]

Like some other posters, it depended who she was with when she was drunk.

With her friends, she was the party queen. Vivacious and charmy and witty and entertaining. If I was around, I was just ignored.

Drinking with friends took number one priority over everything else.

When she drank with me, those scary, vacant BPD eyes would come out. At first I thought those eyes were just that she had had too much to drink, but then I started noticing the aggressive, odd behaviour that accompanied that drinking. Agry behaviour, including towards my friends.

It was only when she was drunk that she would rage at me.

I started avoiding her on Friday nights, because Fridays were prime 'drinks after work' time, which usually meant she was smashed by about 7pm.

One night after 'work drinks' she text to say she'd be home in half an hour. Six hours later I still had not heard from her.

Another night, I stayed out with her and her friends and after having too much, decided I needed to go home as I was feeling unwell. She left me to walk home by myself in a large capital city, because she couldn't possibly leave drinks and her friends.

She made me wait almost an hour by myself at a restaurant on valentine's day, because she'd 'just got another beer', and clearly, beer with friends was way more important than meeting me at the time we had previously agreed. I was expected to just accept that as being okay.

She drank at home by herself too. Any opportunity for alcohol was taken up. She has massive problems with alcohol, and in time, I could see that.

Alcohol of course is one of the multitude of dependencies that usually comes with BPD. Throw in sex addiction, spending addiction, gambling or whatever, bingo, there's a BPD hiding in that addictive behaviour somewhere... .

Have you ever considered that, maybe, your ex is an HPD (perhaps with BPD traits, like mine)?

Your "life-of-the-party" ex (and the fact that, whenever you wanted to go home or get the situation under control, your ex blamed you or raged at you) quite resemble mine!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Histrionic_personality_disorder

[Pretty Woman]

Impulsive. Make out with strangers... .in front of me.

Straddle me in public as if I was a possession.

Acted completely inappropriate and immature. Very embarassing.

[rotiroti]

Like some other posters, it depended who she was with when she was drunk.

With her friends, she was the party queen. Vivacious and charmy and witty and entertaining. If I was around, I was just ignored.

Drinking with friends took number one priority over everything else.

When she drank with me, those scary, vacant BPD eyes would come out. At first I thought those eyes were just that she had had too much to drink, but then I started noticing the aggressive, odd behaviour that accompanied that drinking. Agry behaviour, including towards my friends.

It was only when she was drunk that she would rage at me.

I started avoiding her on Friday nights, because Fridays were prime 'drinks after work' time, which usually meant she was smashed by about 7pm.

One night after 'work drinks' she text to say she'd be home in half an hour. Six hours later I still had not heard from her.

Another night, I stayed out with her and her friends and after having too much, decided I needed to go home as I was feeling unwell. She left me to walk home by myself in a large capital city, because she couldn't possibly leave drinks and her friends.

She made me wait almost an hour by myself at a restaurant on valentine's day, because she'd 'just got another beer', and clearly, beer with friends was way more important than meeting me at the time we had previously agreed. I was expected to just accept that as being okay.

She drank at home by herself too. Any opportunity for alcohol was taken up. She has massive problems with alcohol, and in time, I could see that.

Alcohol of course is one of the multitude of dependencies that usually comes with BPD. Throw in sex addiction, spending addiction, gambling or whatever, bingo, there's a BPD hiding in that addictive behaviour somewhere... .

Have you ever considered that, maybe, your ex is an HPD (perhaps with BPD traits, like mine)?

Your "life-of-the-party" ex (and the fact that, whenever you wanted to go home or get the situation under control, your ex blamed you or raged at you) quite resemble mine!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Histrionic_personality_disorder

huh... that's a really interesting topic! Can one be BPD with HPD traits? A combination of both really rings true with my ex

[Mutt]

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