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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: How to tell BPD EX I am not interested anymore, HELP  (Read 1431 times)
brenbabe
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« on: December 26, 2010, 03:22:46 PM »

As some of you may know I ended things with my BPD boyfriend on Sept 28th. I clearly stated I didnt want any contact with him when I ended things, I was clear in saying no phone text or in person contact on either side. Up until last week he had not contacted me or me him in any way. Last week he started calling and texting me once in awhile. I ignored this completely and didnt answer. I do not want anything to do with him at all. I do not feel bitter or hatred towards him. I feel I do not want contact in any way. I have been moving on with my life and doing well. Tonight there will be a holiday party I was invited to and told he was also invited to. I have decided I will attend. My concern is he will try to speak to me since he has been trying to call me. Im wondering if its a good idea if he does talk to me, if I should just tell him I am no longer intrested in any type of relationship with him . any advice ?
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Annaleigh
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« Reply #1 on: December 26, 2010, 03:40:53 PM »

You are doing great with the NC.  I, myself, could not handle a party and my uBPDh, I would pass.  It would be too stressful for me.  If your ex is BPD, then that adds all sorts of unknowns.  I would pass.  It's too soon.
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OTH
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Relationship status: Single
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It's not too late to make better choices


« Reply #2 on: December 26, 2010, 08:02:15 PM »

I wouldn't do it. We broke up Oct. 1 and I have only been NC since Dec. 14. There is no way I want to be in the same room as her anytime soon. It just wouldn't go well.
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Mary Oliver:  Someone I loved gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift

maraki
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Relationship status: single 3 months
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« Reply #3 on: December 26, 2010, 08:50:18 PM »

Personally i would not go.  Just seeing a BPD ex is is stressful.  Having them try to engage you is worse.  They are always looking for a backup person and really like to recycle their exes.

And they do not get the message because they are twisted individuals.  Only thing they get is "out of sight, out of mind" which is No Contact.  Save yourself and do not tempt fate.
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FoolishOne
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
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« Reply #4 on: December 26, 2010, 09:01:12 PM »

Nope!
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Im.okay.now
Formerly Whataride
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« Reply #5 on: December 27, 2010, 03:58:00 AM »

HI BB,

You might feel strong now ... .but seeing him at the party might bring you back to square 1 or even back to square -5 ... .unless this is the party of a life time ... .and there is a $5million door prize ... .i would rent a movie and stay home that night.

Take care

ION
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Border Crossing
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Posts: 58


« Reply #6 on: December 27, 2010, 05:26:53 AM »

As some of you may know I ended things with my BPD boyfriend on Sept 28th. I clearly stated I didnt want any contact with him when I ended things, I was clear in saying no phone text or in person contact on either side. Up until last week he had not contacted me or me him in any way. Last week he started calling and texting me once in awhile. I ignored this completely and didnt answer. I do not want anything to do with him at all. I do not feel bitter or hatred towards him. I feel I do not want contact in any way. I have been moving on with my life and doing well. Tonight there will be a holiday party I was invited to and told he was also invited to. I have decided I will attend. My concern is he will try to speak to me since he has been trying to call me. Im wondering if its a good idea if he does talk to me, if I should just tell him I am no longer intrested in any type of relationship with him . any advice ?

Dont go. Going will reconnect him with you and will guarantee future contact.

The short answer to get them to go away is to cut off every single way they can contact you. Change your email address (do this in a smart way that has no links to your prev email). Only give this email address to trustworthy ppl. Change your phone numbers, easy done. Tell your telco that you're receiving abusive messages and they will pribably do this free of charge. Think about any social websites. If you would like to keep those sites slightly alter your profile name. Border Crossing to *Border Crossing*. It screws up the search engine and most times they cant find you. And on and on. Lastly not to make you feel paranoid, consider changing ur locks. BPD will go to extremes. The point is they cant contact you, and move onto the next poor sod.
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Buttercup555
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« Reply #7 on: December 27, 2010, 05:32:22 AM »

Don't go! No party is a party with an exBPDbf there. It's the ghost train - and you don't want to be boarding it. x
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2010
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« Reply #8 on: December 27, 2010, 07:10:55 AM »

You dont have to tell him anything. You simply do not engage him in any manner. There is, however, wisdom to be gained in contact if it serves the purpose of reestablishing the bond and re-opening the same wounds over and over again. Eventually you'll know the answer to your question is to turn your back and ignore him.  You'll realize that this isn't about him anymore, it's about you. He'll likely recycle you for the rest of his life unless you put a boundary up that cannot be crossed.  Sometimes the only way out is through and that means you cause your own suffering by contacting him and re-working the relationship until you come right back here again, sadder but wiser. Then you take responsibility for ending it. When you're done- you're done. Only you will know when that is.

Aristotle said it was much easier to touch a hot stove to learn how not to get burned than by reading it in a book.
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brenbabe
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« Reply #9 on: December 27, 2010, 09:22:53 AM »

He did not attend the party, so contact was not broken. today I am changing my phone number. Thank you 2010, that was very well said.
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