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SummerStorm
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« on: August 04, 2015, 01:40:14 PM » |
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The longer I'm away from my former friend BPD, the more I start to question everything she said. There are obviously a lot of things going on in a pwBPD's mind, and my assessment of the situation may only be partially correct. I apologize for the length of this post, but right now, I am feeling so used and manipulated.
My former friend has always had trouble finding a place to live. She is getting ready for her sixth move in a year. Things started to become clearer to me last week, when I spoke to a co-worker who said that my former friend asked her to live with her last October. She had only known my co-worker for maybe two months at that point. The co-worker said no, my former friend went on break between student teaching and her first long-term position, and they fell out of contact.
My former friend and I became friends at the end of January. In March, she asked her boyfriend to move in with her (they had been dating for a month), and he said no. Then, she asked me, and I also said no. Eventually, she started spending 3-4 nights a week at his place. Around this time, she would also call off "sick" a few times a month, usually on a Thursday. Her boyfriend didn't work Wednesdays, so she always went to his place. Calling off sick on Thursday meant that she could also stay at his place that night. This brought the number of nights she spent at his place up to 5. Meanwhile, she still needed a permanent place to live.
In early April, she started flirting with me. I had a huge crush on her at this point, and she had started complaining about her boyfriend. In mid-April, she asked me to live with her again. She texted me and said, "I need a place to live." I suggested other places, since I wasn't ready to move out of my house and didn't want to live in an apartment. I told her I felt bad for her, but that I couldn't see myself living with her. She got back from visiting her mom and texted me to tell me that she was moving her stuff that weekend because her boyfriend had asked her to move in with him. That was on a Thursday. She came back to work on Friday and then came over to my house that night, where we ended up having sex. She didn't text me that much over the weekend, and I figured it was because she was moving her stuff. I now realize how stupid I was to think that. She hadn't spent any time packing up her stuff, as she had been on vacation and then was at my house until very late at night on Friday.
A week later, she stayed over at my house because she needed to drop her car off to get inspected and couldn't drive back to her boyfriend's place. That weekend, she once again asked me to live with her, and I said I would think about it. She called me her "soon to be girlfriend," and at work, she asked when we could look at apartments. She said that living with her boyfriend was always supposed to be "temporary."
She made plans to spend the following weekend with me, saying that she had a part-time job that she needed to work at and didn't feel like driving back and forth between there and her boyfriend's place. By Wednesday, she was ignoring me at work, and on Thursday, she posted a picture of her and her boyfriend on Facebook. On Friday morning, when I had off work, she texted me and said she didn't feel well. By that afternoon, she had canceled Friday and Saturday but said she would come over Sunday. On Sunday, I asked her again about living together, and she said she was going to stay with her boyfriend. Then, she canceled coming over that night, saying she had called off from work. At this point, I don't even think she really had a job. Remember, a week before this, she said that living with her boyfriend was "temporary."
Despite her saying that she had moved in with her boyfriend at the end of April, by mid-May, her former roommate was texting her about getting her stuff out of the apartment. Her bed and all kinds of other things were still there. On May 16th, she texted me and told me that she wanted me to hurry up and buy a house (at this point, I had decided to buy a house because I'm 29 and still live at home). She said that she had pictured me proposing to her and that she had spent the day thinking about me. She spent the rest of the night texting me and complaining about her boyfriend. Early the next morning, she told me that he had hit her and sent me a picture of her bloody lip. She asked to stay over at my house on Tuesday and Wednesday.
On Monday, she called off sick from work and texted me throughout the day about living together and told me I'm "the one." She said that she was supposed to move the rest of her stuff into her boyfriend's place that weekend (a month after he supposedly asked her to move in with him). On Tuesday, we looked at a house together. By Thursday, she was devaluing me. She also told me that night that she was cleaning out her apartment. By Friday, when I mentioned living together, she basically ignored me. Over the weekend, she ignored me on Saturday before pretending to be her boyfriend and telling me that "he" found out about us and that I wouldn't be allowed to talk to her anymore. I found out about this lie a few weeks later. I didn't contact her on Sunday but did text her on Monday. She acted completely innocent and like she had no idea what was going on. Then, when I told her that I had talked to her "boyfriend" (really her), she said that "everything made sense" and that I had ruined her weekend. The next day, I tried to talk to her about it, and she just wanted to act like everything was normal and that nothing had happened.
That Saturday, after raging at me on Friday, she asked me if she could stay over at my house the following Monday. I said no, and she ignored me the rest of the day, until that night, when she told me not to text her anything "suspicious" because her boyfriend was in a bad mood (still carrying on the lie about him finding out about us). The following Thursday, she swallowed 50 pills and was rushed to the hospital. Her boyfriend texted me from her phone, to update me, and it became clear to me that it was the first time I had actually texted him. I made a comment about her living with him, about how I worried about her always moving, and he said, "She's basically been living with me for the past few months." What that told me was that he had never asked her to move in with him. After her suicide attempt, it became obvious that she was going to keep living with him, as neither he nor his cousin were going to ask her to get her own place.
I should mention that her boyfriend wasn't exactly living the greatest life. She was raging at him and got physical with him more than once. After she got out of the hospital, she continued to do this.
So, here is what I have concluded:
1. Her boyfriend lives with his cousin, and she wasn't sure that she would let her live there, so she kept testing boundaries, leaving more and more of her things there, and staying there every night.
2. She also could sense that she was starting to treat her boyfriend very poorly and was convinced that he would break up with her (fear of abandonment), so she thought that she would need a new place to live soon.
3. She had sex with me and told me I'm "the one" because she figured it would convince me to live with her, if/when she needed a place to live.
4. She discarded me as soon as it was clear that she was going to live with him permanently.
5. She wanted to be with him all along, but her top priority was where she was going to live. If she had moved in with me, she probably would have broken up with me pretty quickly or would have cheated on me with him, until she could convince him to get a place with her.
For the longest time, I was convinced that she actually did feel something for me and that she was truly torn between me and her boyfriend. And again, she spun such convincing tales about how he hit her and about how he was so selfish. Once again, she played the victim.
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