Have any of found that your BPDs were vindictive and hurtful?

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Hi all,

I have a question. Have any of you experienced your ex BPD partners being mean and vindictive during the whole break up process. My experience has been that the more I caught and called her on her lies, the nastier she got. Is that normal for BPD's?

When it was finally confirmed that yes she was screwing the neighbor and are now engaged to be married, and I told her that I knew all the details, she lost her mind! She yelled at the guy who told me, she then got the new love of her life to text me and threaten me with restraining orders, and threatened my job etc. It's like when she gets caught for doing something wrong she has to involve the authorities to justify her behavior. Can anyone please explain to me why she lied, and then flipped out when I found out the truth? I'm the ex, why does she even give a crap if I mean so little to her?

[gettingoverit]

Hi all,

I have a question. Have any of you experienced your ex BPD partners being mean and vindictive during the whole break up process. My experience has been that the more I caught and called her on her lies, the nastier she got. Is that normal for BPD's?

When it was finally confirmed that yes she was screwing the neighbor and are now engaged to be married, and I told her that I knew all the details, she lost her mind! She yelled at the guy who told me, she then got the new love of her life to text me and threaten me with restraining orders, and threatened my job etc. It's like when she gets caught for doing something wrong she has to involve the authorities to justify her behavior. Can anyone please explain to me why she lied, and then flipped out when I found out the truth? I'm the ex, why does she even give a crap if I mean so little to her?

[rstolk]

It's like when she gets caught for doing something wrong she has to involve the authorities to justify her behavior. Can anyone please explain to me why she lied, and then flipped out when I found out the truth? I'm the ex, why does she even give a crap if I mean so little to her?

gettingoverit,

They have to be right at all costs. It doesn't matter whether she gives a crap about you; it means she wants to win in order to form some sort of closure for her. They will lie, confabulate, fabricate, or anything else to win the battle. She has to look good to the outside world in order to gain allies. When you found the truth she had to use confusion, and distraction tactics by flipping out. The authorities are there so she can have documentation just to prove that she is the abused, and you are the abuser. I know this sounds harsh, but if she has BPD, then this is how she feels. She will use everything including the kitchen sink to make her the winner, and you the looser. Look up A J Mahari's website and watch the video clip of her explaining punishment and revenger for the BPD. Read as many articles on this site as well. Learn as much as you can.

Good luck buddy,

Bob

[outoftime]

Hi all,

I have a question. Have any of you experienced your ex BPD partners being mean and vindictive during the whole break up process. My experience has been that the more I caught and called her on her lies, the nastier she got. Is that normal for BPD's?

When it was finally confirmed that yes she was screwing the neighbor and are now engaged to be married, and I told her that I knew all the details, she lost her mind! She yelled at the guy who told me, she then got the new love of her life to text me and threaten me with restraining orders, and threatened my job etc. It's like when she gets caught for doing something wrong she has to involve the authorities to justify her behavior. Can anyone please explain to me why she lied, and then flipped out when I found out the truth? I'm the ex, why does she even give a crap if I mean so little to her?

Hi!

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I know hard it is to imagine the person we loved switching and making up such horrendous lies. The same happened to me with my ex. We were together 5 1/2 years. A complete roller coaster of up and down ("I love you" / "I hate you" /  "I want to be with your forever" / "I don't like being with you". I was broken up with the end of May, out of the blue, via text. Several weeks later I found out there was something going on with a woman 30 years his senior (allegedly). When I confronted him about this, he switched from being just "awful" to me to being SCARY! He threatened me with restraining orders, going to court, harassment etc., --- Mind you, I had only contact him about this situation. Every other time was in RESPONSE to his texts/emails about bills etc., --- this was 100% fabrication and it broke my heart EVEN MORE. I couldn't believe the THREATS he was using with the legal system. He must've be so afraid someone would tell this woman's husband that he flipped out and would do ANYTHING to get me to "shut up"... .I am still in a state of shock/heartbreak over this. We were planning on getting married, having kids, buying a new house... .the last day I saw him he kissed me and told me he loved me. It is truly a mental illness. Something we were never destined to win against.

Stick to these boards and reading... .it will help. Also therapy has been a huge help.

[Marcie]

My Ex flipped out to when i found out that he was with another girl. He flipped out and started raging at me.

[whatarideout]

I'm with rstolk... .

it has nothing to do with "caring" about you or what you think. it's about one thing... .her image to the outside world. i remember one time when i had to literally grab and pull my ex out of my car because she refused to get out. after finally getting her out, i attemted to drive away when she then jumped on the back of it while it was moving. i stopped and got her off and drove away as fast as i could. the next days following she tried to convince EVERYBODY she could possibly think of that i beat her up! she even called one of my places of employment and said i beat her up and put her in the hospital. when i went back to her shortly after, she still insisted that i beat her up and that i was textbook abusive. i believe in my heart that she new exactly what she was doing that nite in attempts to use it against me as being abusive.

in my opinion man, you're wasting your time if you think she's going to admit what she did or see the light and appologize to you. she wants to play one roll in this world... .the VICTIM. she lost her mind because it threatend her position as the victim. when that happens, it's scary what they can come up with to keep them as being the "abused".  

[oceanblue]

My exBPDbf would flip out entirely if I ever confronted him with his lies, cheating or other bad behavior.  He would bend the facts, lie about what happened and if that didn't work - he would rage and rage some more until I gave up.  Even during the rages - he was playing victim.  For example, I caught him cheating and he started raging that he was the victim because I was giving him the "consequences."  At that point, I knew he was likely BPD and cheating so I actually wasn't even really that hurt and I wasn't yelling.  He even left an email out for me to see so he must have known I would find it.  Yet he denied everything, and started screaming at me that I was attacking him. 

Now that I understand BPD - I see his behavior as classic BPD.  Even when he wronged me - he still managed to be the victim in his own mind.  So frustrating.  I used to wonder if he believed his own lies and reality or whether he was intentionally gaslighting me.  Now I don't even think about that - he is mentally ill and his reality is fluid and changable - I just accept he was BPD.

[lucnatmar]

Vindictive is my soon to be exBPDw's middle name and nothing will stop her in seeking her revenge on those she feels have slighted her.

I noticed this over 20 years ago when we first met, but I bought into her projection of being a victim and being treated poorly by people and she was justified in feeling the way she did.  I figured she was just "sensative", but I finally figured out she just had a very distorted way of perceiving how others treated her.

Anyone who spends enough time around her will eventually be painted black, from her distorted views.  She is now on attorney number 3, which should tell you a lot.  She will literally hold onto things that happened 10+ years ago and dangle them over your head, but if you ever mention anything she has done that was hurtful, you just aren't allowed to go down that path.

[harlemgurl]

I think them being hurtful and vindictive comes with the territory of having BPD. People cheat and people break up everyday but the person who suffers with BPD takes the lies, cheating, and abuse to outer space. It truly is an experience like no other and it makes me so mad that they haven't the foggiest how their actions impact others. *Arggggggggggh*!

Unless they've found another secure host to attach to they'll give you H.E. Double Hockey Stick if they sense abandonment or if their cover is blown. I know they're disordered in thinking but they're such punitive one-sided my way or the highway entitled brats! Anything to not lose is fair game for them.

My ex screwed another woman because I wouldn't give him $50. Never mind the fact he's never given me a rusty nickel.

We don't speak for a week behind this.  I'm fuming. I'm crying buckets of tears. I feel like I'm dying from the silence.  I break contact only to find him still harping about how much he needed the money and how he's got someone else because I messed up and wasn't there for him. Really? !@#$%^&***&^%$#. Then he lays it on thick on our week apart: she's interesting, they have a lot in common, he prayed for her and she showed up and how interesting she is, what quirks they share, how his life has been so much better without me... .I mean some really hurtful crazy vindictive stuff.

I just sat there in tears listening to him "laying it on thick" over the phone.  :'(    :'( :'(

Here I am thinking he's missing me and he's out there screwing his next prospect. I've never been so hurt in my entire life. And then get this... .he has the GALL to still ask for the money. Vindictive and hurful? Is water wet?

HG

[Huh?]

Yes.  Ive never experienced a break up like this (with my BPD ex fiance) in my entire life... .or heard of a break up like this.  When she was done, she was done... .any contact for closure after her decision to leave was made out to be because I was a stalker/harasser, etc.  She was cold and nasty, and Im sure she sold me as a psycho... .when in fact, I was just bewildered.  I still have no idea what the circumstances for our break up was... .the REAL cirmcumstances anyway... .and that is the crazy part... .trying to heal when you have no idea the reason for the wound (other than the roller coaster called BPD) is impossible, it feels like anyway. 

[Mystic]

Hm.  I'd seen vindictive and hurtful before.  This was beyond the pale.  Yeah.  Vindictive and hurtful x infinity + 2. 

[Twilly]

Each time my spouse left me she was extremely vindictive and mean.  She was also manipulative to the extreme.  Once she got what she wanted the next day the vindictiveness would start.  It says alot about me that I would reconcile with her each time after a few months.  It is amazing that I could 'brush' these nasty periods aside and look to hope. 

That is why I am starting the divorce process but I have a lot of guilt associated with starting the process because in the last round of reconciliation I was so scared of her and when the next round would start that I could never really be open to her.  She had made so many promises about how she would be to me and then once we were toether those promises just disappeared.

I also set some strong boundaries that I am sure contributed to the last failiure.  I just couldn't feel safe anymore and the memories of the vindictivness and callousness just seemed tooverwhelm me.

[kampuniform]

Whenever I stumbled upon a lie: rage and vindictiveness.

Whenever she imagined that her character was being impugned: rage and vindictiveness.

Whenever she felt under some obligation to me that might infringe upon her independence: rage and vindictiveness. 

However, I played her like a fiddle as well, and had strong boundaries which necessitated her having to back down in every instance. 

When things became too hot, I’d simply leave.  Whew, they’ll do anything to prevent that from occurring!

She’s gone now, and that’s all that truly matters.

I do have a small measure of sympathy for her, but the bulk of my sympathy is reserved for the poor fellow who follows in my wake.

Just think, as I write this, there is some poor misguided soul out there just about to embark on that miserable path that leads to an emotional meat grinder.  The same one that I’ve just exited.

Mate, whoever you are, my heart goes out to you tonight.

[Mystic]

My exBPDbf would flip out entirely if I ever confronted him with his lies, cheating or other bad behavior.  He would bend the facts, lie about what happened and if that didn't work - he would rage and rage some more until I gave up.  Even during the rages - he was playing victim. 

Now that I understand BPD - I see his behavior as classic BPD.  Even when he wronged me - he still managed to be the victim in his own mind.  So frustrating.  I used to wonder if he believed his own lies and reality or whether he was intentionally gaslighting me.  Now I don't even think about that - he is mentally ill and his reality is fluid and changable - I just accept he was BPD.

Same here.

[Mystic]

Whenever I stumbled upon a lie: rage and vindictiveness.

Whenever she imagined that her character was being impugned: rage and vindictiveness.

Whenever she felt under some obligation to me that might infringe upon her independence: rage and vindictiveness. 

However, I played her like a fiddle as well, and had strong boundaries which necessitated her having to back down in every instance. 

When things became too hot, I’d simply leave.  Whew, they’ll do anything to prevent that from occurring!

She’s gone now, and that’s all that truly matters.

I do have a small measure of sympathy for her, but the bulk of my sympathy is reserved for the poor fellow who follows in my wake.

Just think, as I write this, there is some poor misguided soul out there just about to embark on that miserable path that leads to an emotional meat grinder.  The same one that I’ve just exited.

Mate, whoever you are, my heart goes out to you tonight.

It's amazing how much all our stories are alike.  Mine would be furious over anything that remotely intimated that he was less than perfect. 

I remember we were at a bbq and a woman there gave him a hard time for giving her dog some potato salad.  Apparently the dog gets (ahem) stomach issues with anything with mayo.  Anyway, the girl had been drinking and just called him something rude.  She wasn't being ugly, she was just a bit impaired and that's just her way. 

He was *seething* for the rest of the night.  How dare she, blah blah blah. 

And it was like that with anything that questioned him, put him on the spot, etc. 

That was part of how he left... .I questioned him about something I had every right to question him about and he went into a rage... ."how dare I confront him"... .

Yeah, how dare the rest of the world see him as anything less than perfect or question anything he does. 

Pity the next one?  Yup.  I was very pliant and complacent and that wasn't enough.  One would have to be about blind, deaf and dumb to be able to squeak by in his world. 

[Karen53164]

Yeah, she is being so hurtful now as to deny that we were ever involved for the past year almost.  She says she never said she loved me or was in love with me like that.  She only said she loved me as a friend.  She says now that she isnt capable ol loving anyone but she didnt tell me that all the while she was convincing me to believe in her and to believe in us after we had fallen in love.  And lately on the phone she is asking me if im taping our conversation and is paranoid im going to blackmail her or something.  She wants to left alone she says and when I ask where all the love went, she just says "things change".  Small consolation when she made me believe I meant so much to her and almost overnight, she has discarded all those feelings.  Makes you wonder if they ever really existed. It's a real mindfk on the brain.  Us who arent BPD, are never going to be able to rationalize it because we can rationalize and this is totally irrational.  I know it's best to just walk away and give it no more thought... .easy to say hard to do.  I just hope time has mercy on my soul and gives me strength to come out ok on the other side.  I've never felt so betrayed in all my life. NEver.

[Marcie]

He once was vindictive and mad at me for lending him money

[katrinajusthitme]

This is what hurt me the most. The vindictiveness - she simply had to destroy everything that was and rule out any future. It is also what confuses the most. Most break ups are not pretty. However, this one was taken to a whole different level. Then again maybe my perception is off.

[JonnyJon42]

The break up before this one she told her family i was the one that max out her credit cards ( when she did that to me and i was giveing her money weekly) and told them that i was verbally attacking her all the time when she was to me. All in all blamed me for EVERYTHING she was just a sad weak little girl ya right.

Now we are broken up again and im sure she already found a new toy since last time she found a toy in a week of the break up and paniting me black to all that will hear and soon her world will come crashing down ( like aways) and she will come to me crying to fix it and making promises she wont keep after a few months. Same games different days and each time it gets lamer and the pull gets weaker and weaker.

[Newton]

I reckon if this post had been titled... ."Have any of you found that your BPDs were considerate, reflective and compassionate during a break up?"... .

... .there wouldn't have been too many replies   :'(

[BleedsOrange]

I once had a girlfriend punch me in the face at the end of a fight. that was our break-up.

That was easy. She got mad warned that she was going to hit me, i pushed her (not physically). BOOM.

That was easy. We talked the next day about how we should get out of the r/s. done (more or less).

This  BPD crap with the new one on the other hand is something new to me. She didnt completely detach after the breakup but felft it necesarry to tell me how pathetic I was for the way I felt. When I tried to take some space, she told me how pathetic I was how I was a child, how i was just being vindictive and was a liar and how big a mess my life was. I had made it quite clear how upset I was about the breakup, but it seems she was intent on crushing any thing I had left. This continued for a month and a half. Now, Ive finally tried to accept that there is nothing I can do to repair this dynamic to any sense of normalcy. I will not get my things back that are already in a box priced, and paid for by me, and she will continue to know that I deserved every thing I got. Its a bummer but here we are. I hope she gets better someday... .for now. We'll see how I feel tomorrow.

[ArtistGuy70]

Of course they are. They all are. They cannot accept responsibility for themselves. When you call them out on their lies, they lash out. I broke off with mine and ignored her.

Her response?

At any chance she would try to make me jealous, angry, etc. to get a response from me. Bad mouth me to people. Lie about me. Screw various guys at places we used to go. It was pathetic actually and I laugh at it now.

They have the emotional maturity of a child.

[Finallyfree123]

I am so thankful for this thread. I thought I was going crazy. When I would catch my ex in a lie he would get so defensive and verbally attack me and belittle me.

Made no sense, he was the one who lied and I'm getting attacked? Crazy.

If we were in a fight he was relentless and vicious. It was so disproportionate to the situation it was scary. Nothing I did or said made a difference.

I could take time away-made it worse

I could fight back-made it worse

I could validate-made it worse

Then he would do and say things to purposely hurt me,so vindictive and volatile.

I would tell him how I felt and he would say no you don't. Now he is telling me how I feel? It was just so out of control.

It's amazing the more they try to control the more out of control they become.

[Newton]

brandrew, I know where you are coming from... .

I will never forget the culmination of a 3 day rage with ex (well before I knew about boundaries or validation)... .

I reached breaking point after my ex threatened suicide as I wasn't "listening to what I'd done wrong"... .as I walked towards the front door she totally chilled out, the tears stopped and she calmly said "oh so you've finally had enough you fu**ing coward"... .:'(

Whatever she's up to now I wish her well, whoever her new partner is, I pity them... .

[lucnatmar]

You simply can't have BPD (or really any personality disorder) without a strong dose of vindictiveness.  They go hand in hand like cookies and milk.

These folks are driven by an intense fear deep within them and the defense mechanism they have learned works best, is to lash out at whoever is not fully supporting their agenda and do what they can to destroy and discredit them.  How they perceive reality is purely based on their current emotion and not on facts and this is why when things get really rough, they can also be delusional in their thinking.

[landstar8891]

 Hi!... .To be with a BPD for any length of time, it is a cold FACT that we NoN BPD's have to 100% co-sign all there bulsl----t.It's simple.Co-sign it or Leave.

When they paint you black because you confronted there sick,immature,actions and behaviors they become hostile,manipulative,lie,vindictive and then they run away like a little child.(boo hoo hoo hoo).I will take my toys and go play elsewhere.Because i am a self centered,immature,little baby.

Then they go surround themselves with people that will CO-SIGN all there bulls----t.Those people they surround themselves with are usually as SICK as the BPD.They make up tall tale stories how you beat the kids,beat the dog,beat her/him, and had sex with a Gerbal in the living room wathing All In The Family.They call the police and tell the police you did unbaleivable acts of ''ABUSE'' and they try to have you put away in a Prison Cell.

They are ''RELENTLESS''... It's the sickest sh--it i have ever seen or heard come out of another person's mouth that ''profess'' there undying love to you.They HATE personal responsability.It will always be you to BLAME.The closer you get to there ''Real Person'' and take away there Fisad they will unleash Torment on you like you never seen before.

How do i no this?I was locked up from a BPD some years ago for ''false alligations''.I am truly innocent but she set it up so perfect.She went to the extreme of Punching Herself and beat herself up.Took pics and called police.Wow!... .Great Lengths to prove they are not the sick twisted nut job they truly are.

Then it starts all over again and again and again.Different job,different friends,different state,different men,different police dept.All in there quest to run from the cold hearted facts they are simply Mentally Ill.This to me is why it is easier for them to just have sex then be in a long term comitted INTIMATE partnership.

To me they are very close to a SOCIOPATH and PYSCHOPATH.

[gettingoverit]

NoName,

I couldn't agree with you more. 

[Undertowed]

Hi!... .To be with a BPD for any length of time, it is a cold FACT that we NoN BPD's have to 100% co-sign all there bulsl----t.It's simple.Co-sign it or Leave.

When they paint you black because you confronted there sick,immature,actions and behaviors they become hostile,manipulative,lie,vindictive and then they run away like a little child.(boo hoo hoo hoo).I will take my toys and go play elsewhere.Because i am a self centered,immature,little baby.

Then they go surround themselves with people that will CO-SIGN all there bulls----t.Those people they surround themselves with are usually as SICK as the BPD.They make up tall tale stories how you beat the kids,beat the dog,beat her/him, and had sex with a Gerbal in the living room wathing All In The Family.They call the police and tell the police you did unbaleivable acts of ''ABUSE'' and they try to have you put away in a Prison Cell.

They are ''RELENTLESS''... It's the sickest sh--it i have ever seen or heard come out of another person's mouth that ''profess'' there undying love to you.They HATE personal responsability.It will always be you to BLAME.The closer you get to there ''Real Person'' and take away there Fisad they will unleash Torment on you like you never seen before.

How do i no this?I was locked up from a BPD some years ago for ''false alligations''.I am truly innocent but she set it up so perfect.She went to the extreme of Punching Herself and beat herself up.Took pics and called police.Wow!... .Great Lengths to prove they are not the sick twisted nut job they truly are.

Then it starts all over again and again and again.Different job,different friends,different state,different men,different police dept.All in there quest to run from the cold hearted facts they are simply Mentally Ill.This to me is why it is easier for them to just have sex then be in a long term comitted INTIMATE partnership.

To me they are very close to a SOCIOPATH and PYSCHOPATH.

QFT=Quoted For Truth!

[Marcie]

and they project project project

[Gladto be away]

Hi!... .To be with a BPD for any length of time, it is a cold FACT that we NoN BPD's have to 100% co-sign all there bulsl----t.It's simple.Co-sign it or Leave.

When they paint you black because you confronted there sick,immature,actions and behaviors they become hostile,manipulative,lie,vindictive and then they run away like a little child.(boo hoo hoo hoo).I will take my toys and go play elsewhere.Because i am a self centered,immature,little baby.

To me they are very close to a SOCIOPATH and PYSCHOPATH.

I used to tell my ex I thought he was one of these all the time. He had so many symptoms. Sad to say he told me his friend said the same thing after a few months. I told him to go see a therapist, to which he said, "nothing can help me, I am beyond help."

Then it became my fault again.

[Marcie]

Yes BPD's are the worst

[g00dness]

My BPDex was trying to line someone up for a month before he broke it off with me. He was trying to get with acquaintances of ours, the whole time painting them black to me in case they came forward. Luckily, in my case, he seemed to be really spiraling and got a little too outta control going back and forth between others trying to paint multiple people black and calling me a psycho ("the crazy ones always seem so sweet" he told someone... .made me realize the whole last month we were going out he was hoping people were looking at him like the victim in this relationship).

Some of the other folks figured out his game and that was his last ditch back to me. Told me he had moved out of his friend's house (where'd he been staying since I found two online dating sites after going with my gut) - he, in fact, was kicked out. Then proceeded to tell me how horrible of a situation that was and that he was still so in love with me. Then a week and a half later he broke up with me via text and was married less than a week after that.

But everything's out now. I'm not glad others got hurt, but I am glad there is at least a group of folks who understand the severity of what's going on. Others realize he's changed (new host) and gone off his rocker but don't really get the vindictiveness and seriousness of it. He's since sent threatening texts (I got a restraining order against him) because he knows his friendship circle has shrunk and he's got justify his actions somehow... .so it's all me. And he's angry... really angry. No contact's the way to go - I feel like refusing to engage is gonna be the only way I'm gonna get on with my life.

All we can control are our own actions and all we've got is our own truth.

[westgate]

brandrew, I know where you are coming from... .

I will never forget the culmination of a 3 day rage with ex (well before I knew about boundaries or validation)... .

I reached breaking point after my ex threatened suicide as I wasn't "listening to what I'd done wrong"... .as I walked towards the front door she totally chilled out, the tears stopped and she calmly said "oh so you've finally had enough you fu**ing coward"... .:'(

Whatever she's up to now I wish her well, whoever her new partner is, I pity them... .

Newton, this post touched me a lot.

Being threatened with suicide of someone you love is overwhelming... then being called a fu*king coward because you are struggling to cope with it hurts like nothing else. Then realising it was flicked like a switch... awww.

I know that hurt. A lot. I truly hope you are doing well and can eventually find your peace with what happened.

Take care mate,

Westgate

[icesoul]

Hi!... .To be with a BPD for any length of time, it is a cold FACT that we NoN BPD's have to 100% co-sign all there bulsl----t.It's simple.Co-sign it or Leave.

When they paint you black because you confronted there sick,immature,actions and behaviors they become hostile,manipulative,lie,vindictive and then they run away like a little child.(boo hoo hoo hoo).I will take my toys and go play elsewhere.Because i am a self centered,immature,little baby.

Then they go surround themselves with people that will CO-SIGN all there bulls----t.Those people they surround themselves with are usually as SICK as the BPD.They make up tall tale stories how you beat the kids,beat the dog,beat her/him, and had sex with a Gerbal in the living room wathing All In The Family.They call the police and tell the police you did unbaleivable acts of ''ABUSE'' and they try to have you put away in a Prison Cell.

They are ''RELENTLESS''... It's the sickest sh--it i have ever seen or heard come out of another person's mouth that ''profess'' there undying love to you.They HATE personal responsability.It will always be you to BLAME.The closer you get to there ''Real Person'' and take away there Fisad they will unleash Torment on you like you never seen before.

How do i no this?I was locked up from a BPD some years ago for ''false alligations''.I am truly innocent but she set it up so perfect.She went to the extreme of Punching Herself and beat herself up.Took pics and called police.Wow!... .Great Lengths to prove they are not the sick twisted nut job they truly are.

Then it starts all over again and again and again.Different job,different friends,different state,different men,different police dept.All in there quest to run from the cold hearted facts they are simply Mentally Ill.This to me is why it is easier for them to just have sex then be in a long term comitted INTIMATE partnership.

To me they are very close to a SOCIOPATH and PYSCHOPATH.

Samething happened to me, she got arrested, harmed herself saying I did it. I forgave the first time , brought her back, she got angry again. And started another , false police allegations, luckily I made prior police reports , called family violence unit and recorded her ... this is how retarded the law is, they arrested me anyway for her lies. She said she was afraid for her life yet was laughing with cops while I was in cuffs in front of my child (sad)... .

These people are ruthless if you give slight criticism. I was not an enabler so she took revenge. She had the best BPD mind helping her "her mom" who was Keen on ruining our marriage, she thought she could give both of us marital advice when she married 3xtimes ... she got me locked up

2weeks later, pics on Facebook with ReplAcement sitting with my 3kids while she was pregnant., Just sick... broke my heart. I cried but it's ok, took me 6mintjs to heal , I still suffer but got stronger. The law is screwed , protect yourself Guys... Hopefully I win custody, it's a lot of waste of years, time, and kids going to get broken home., She picked the biggest loser pervert for replacement. She got the ultimate abandonememt, her family , my family, her friends all are on my side except her evil mom and her side of moms family... .It's a  big circus

[APB0613]

God yes! Incredibly vindictive. After my ex "decided" he was done with me he posted on my Facebook that I was HIV positive! Can't even wrap my head around that. Even though he wanted to break up it was the mentality of "if I can't have you no one will. " Not only did he do that, a few days later he wanted to get back together! Delusional.

[Huh?]

Yes.  Ive never experienced a break up like this (with my BPD ex fiance) in my entire life... .or heard of a break up like this.  When she was done, she was done... .any contact for closure after her decision to leave was made out to be because I was a stalker/harasser, etc.  She was cold and nasty, and Im sure she sold me as a psycho... .when in fact, I was just bewildered.  I still have no idea what the circumstances for our break up was... .the REAL cirmcumstances anyway... .and that is the crazy part... .trying to heal when you have no idea the reason for the wound (other than the roller coaster called BPD) is impossible, it feels like anyway.  

Well this is weird.  This thread is so old that here I am talking about my ex that brought me to this board... .and now I'm back because of my most recent experience with my waif/hermit ex.

A real wake up call that I need to work on myself and my boundaries.

I can say six years later, I know the circumstances now to the reason this first ex cut me off, she cheated.  Surprise, surprise.

[bus boy]

They are never wrong, if you call them on a lie they just fabricate another lie for the lie or a great web of manipulating half truths. In my experience, Xw always had something belittling to say, she was a covert expert, when I was discarded for good, Xw turned into her real self, a vicious, vindictive, hurtful emotional abuser. That's what the do, that's what they are. We have seen the real them so they seek to destroy, while the rest of the world sees the street angel we know the kitchen devil.