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How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
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Author Topic: friends keeping distance or ending contact  (Read 165 times)
Calm Waters
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: married living together
Posts: 219



« on: September 09, 2014, 08:15:42 AM »

I am almost 2 years on from the break up of a relationship that I though was 'the one' she and i both had npd and BPD traits I now realise and that has helped me recover from the breakdown I suffered after her suicide attempt. In order to recover I spoke at length to some of my closest oldest friends and was very open and honest about what I had discovered about myself and how it had effected my relationships. I had a wide circle of friends that I considered to be confidents and most were supportive and understanding, even if they could not grasp the labyrinth that is BPD. However some friends who live abroad or some distance have dropped all contact with me after reading an account of my experiences. Of course over time relationships come and go, but one friend in particular who now lives in South Africa has not responded to birthday emails and the like for over a year, we have been friends since 1991! Similarly people in my small community who witnessed my breakdown are now keeping a distance from me, at least thats how it feels, I no longer get invited to parties and events that in the past I would have been very welcome to attend. Part of me thinks ' ah well if thats how they feel' but another part feels both sad and resentful that ' a mental health' problem in a member of the community could illicit such a response. I live in a very progressive, liberal, ' almost hippyish' small community where almost everyone knows me. My two sons have also been struggling and have a degree of 'reputation' locally. I feel somewhat unsupported and have become much more reclusive than I was as a result. However last weekend I was at a party and there was and ex of my BPD ex there that I had a brief chat with, he was not aware of any issues when he went out with her and i was very discreet, there was also a woman i had romantic intentions towards before my breakdown, it was nice to see her and she was very supportive. Anyway all of the above have left me feeling raw and exposed as being a person that people no longer know how to approach, befriend etc. Is this a common experience? I am a different person now that I am in recovery from BPD, maybe it just takes time to adjust.
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happylogist
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 163



« Reply #1 on: September 09, 2014, 10:33:31 AM »

Hi Calm Waters,

I am sorry you feel distanced from others.

There might be many reasons why you feel like that, but certainly after the life-changing experiences there is a tendency to reevaluate life choices and people who are close to us. We often have higher or lower expectations from others especially when we feel lonely or depressed.

In this reevaluation phase we might get very self-centered on our own pain and talk about it a lot to people with whom we feel close too. Or even the opposite - people get wrapped up in their own pain and sharing any emotions with even close ones becomes very difficult, neither it is easy to empathize to what happens in their lives, be it positive or negative. This all can distance or bring closer friends and family members depending on the interactions and people themselves, all parties involved. 

Do you try to reestablish your contacts with friends coming from mutual interests points?
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