My star sign will be the end of me

[delljoy]

Most of you who have been following my posts know that my BPD ex, after dumping me out of the blue 7 months ago and dropping off the face of the earth and being totally NC for over 3 months, with changing his phone number, his email address, and blocking myself, my daughter and any friends we had together off facebook, tried to ? re-engage me on Monday by MSN messenger, a medium he really doesn't like. It was obvious that his whole reason for being on messenger was to talk to me. Anyway I chatted to him as I was curious as to where he had been, then his chat started to get a bit psycho and sexual and I signed out on him.

What I haven't told you guys, is that he chatted to me the next night as well, in a pretense to tell me all about the supposed therapy he was in and how well he was doing... .blah, blah, blah. Anyway he asked if I would turn my web cam on so we could chat 'properly' and I refused. He then asked me to send him a sexy picture of myself, which I refused. During the early days of our relationship, after he had run away from me or dumped me for no reason, he would try these online sexual games with me, and sometimes I would engage with him, as I loved him and was missing him. Once we were in a fairly secure, comfortable relationship (as comfortable and secure as you can be with a pwBPD), we didn't interact this way at all.

Anyway back to the story, I suppose in a way I was trying to test him, because when he kept asking to see a certain part of me over web cam, I said to him if he wanted to see them to come over here and see them in person. Anyway, as soon as the words were typed and sent I regreted them, or at least half of me did.

Anyway to cut a long story short he agreed to come over, said he was at the airport already and I surmised that that was why he had contacted me, because he wanted no strings attached sex whilst he was over here. He said his flight was leaving about 10pm and he would grab a cab from the airport to mine and he would be at mine about 11.30pm and for me to go to bed but to leave the back door open and he would sneak in and wake me up with his kisses. All very exciting eh girls? We used to play this game in the early weeks of our relationship before I had introduced him to my daughter etc, and he would sneak out in the morning before she got up. So it was all an attempt to re-engage by re-visiting some of the early days of our relationship.

The thing is, he just didn't turn up, which was very strange indeed for him... .and much to my dismay I now find I am on line every night checking to see if he is there. My curiousity is killing me! I'm a scorpio, and we are great investigators and we don't stop until we get to the bottom of everything. So here I am, I was over this man, and I only felt mild disappointment when he didn't show up but unfortunately I can't stop wondering what is going on!

[pspap]

The thing is, he just didn't turn up, which was very strange indeed for him... .and much to my dismay I now find I am on line every night checking to see if he is there. My curiousity is killing me! I'm a scorpio, and we are great investigators and we don't stop until we get to the bottom of everything. So here I am, I was over this man, and I only felt mild disappointment when he didn't show up but unfortunately I can't stop wondering what is going on!

This is something my exBPDbf used to brag about. He claimed that one of his exes tried to remain friends and kept calling him whenever she was in town visiting. He took pride in arranging meetings with her and never turning up. Pure, acid, pointless revenge. Odds are that that's what's going on... . 

[spiralthorns]

I can relate to that aspect of being a Scorpio, certainly.  I'm sorry that he keeps leaving you hanging.  It sounds like that's essentially his goal, to make sure that you never really know what's coming and can't predict how "safe" you are in the relationship from one moment to the next.  It sounds like he's being pretty immature.

[pspap]

Since you're both Scorpios and I'm a Sagittarius, a little humoristic approach may work... .

www.alexandranouri.wordpress.com/2011/03/02/you-youre-lea-youre-leaving-the-narcissist/

[2010]

The date of your birth has nothing to do with being, becoming or interacting with a personality disorder. If you continue to believe that your destiny is determined by your star sign, you will not overcome your "idea" of yourself as deserving of this predicament. This "idea" has allowed you to continue to remain involved with a person that defeats your opportunities to expand and emerge.  You cannot blame your star sign. If Horoscopes rule your movements, then you at least owe it to yourself to understand that Scorpios don't just live under rocks, they also change into lizards and eagles, eventually soaring above the insistence that they are forever dark personalities and deserving of their fate.

[delljoy]

2010... .you are missing the point. No I don't live by my star sign but I do feel that certain characteristics are more prevailant in certain star signs. He is a scorpio too, incidently, and knows me very well, and I believe the fact that he didn't turn up had nothing to do with revenge but about power and control. As you all know our exes try to have control over us because they have no control over themselves and their impulses and behaviours.

a) he wants to check that I'm still available to be recycled.

b) he knows me really well, and in the past when he has 'dumped' me he has changed his phone number etc but I've still found him, even put a missing person report on him, and the police found him... .and he LOVED this, it made him feel good about himself that I went to such great extremes to find him. BUT this time I didn't attempt to find him, and he is MIFFED by that.

c) he is trying to control me sexually, because that is the only thing he feels or has ever felt he has to offer me.

d) he wants me to worry about him, thinking his plane has crashed or something has happened to him, because that again makes him feel BETTER.


I know he is on MSN messenger in the evenings still, but is appearing off line. I know he is watching me, and when he senses I have suffered enough he will contact me again. It had been over 3 months, and I know he can't believe that I haven't contacted him, he had een waiting for it... .Its all about creating drama!

[pspap]

If you continue to believe that your destiny is determined by your star sign, you will not overcome your "idea" of yourself as deserving of this predicament.

I can't disagree with you, 2010... .We might refer to star signs to make sense of a situation that is really so illogical that we will use ANYTHING that will help make sense of it. Interestingly, everything I learned about star signs came from my BPDex. I think he projected all the assets of his zodiac to actually make up for his lack of personality... .

[delljoy]

I think mine may have too! Now he certainly does live his life by the stars and the crystals... .I think this is because he can blame the 'universe', 'the stars', etc when something goes wrong rather than look at himself.

He wears this rock around his neck called maldavite and he talks of its amazing powers. This rock was one of the reasons he decided to get engaged to me, settle down with me. He said it puts him with the person he is meant to be with... .. We were at the beach one day and he lost this rock, we spent hours looking for it, but he wasn't devastated by its loss like I thought he would be but reacted to it quite well, and said something like, 'Its served its purpose, its found me you". And I said, rather tongue in cheek, "Its keeps you with the person you are meant to be with or so you told me, now that you have lost the rock you will run away from me again." I didn't know how right that rather flippant comment was, because less than 2 weeks after that he dumped me for the last time. Funnily enough when I last saw him, 3 months ago, when he came over for sex, he announced that he had got rid of all his rocks and crystals... .

[delljoy]

Since you're both Scorpios and I'm a Sagittarius, a little humoristic approach may work... .

www.alexandranouri.wordpress.com/2011/03/02/you-youre-lea-youre-leaving-the-narcissist/



Excellent!

[spiralthorns]

I can relate to a partner using a star sign to make up for a lack of an identity.  It was rather horrible, especially since she basically just started acting how she thought her zodiac sign "ought to" rather than actually having a personality.

I do like astrology and I do put SOME value in it.  I don't, however, base my entire personality on it.