many many of us men and woman had hard childhoods, with little love and or affection9 literally because our folks had to work there Hinnies off.
Start with Erikson's stages of psychosocial development. Yes, a theory, but a good one and it applies to us all. These are "eight stages through which a healthy developing human should pass from infancy to old age. In each stage a person confronts, and hopefully masters, new challenges. Each stage builds upon the successful completion of the earlier stages. Stages not successfully completed may be expected to reappear as problems in the future."
BPD begins in the second stage: the dis-allowance of free will.
According to Erik Erikson, the major developmental task in infancy is to learn whether or not primary caregivers, consistently satisfy basic needs. If caregivers are consistent sources of food, comfort, and affection, an infant learns trust- that others are dependable and reliable. If they are neglectful, or perhaps even abusive, the infant learns mistrust- that the world is in an undependable, unpredictable, and possibly a dangerous place.
Children of neglect tend to compensate for the lack of psychosocial trust interaction by behaving with self centered sufficiency. They adapt to the World in a self centered locus of control (internally directed) which is the genesis of narcissistic directive. Borderlines do not develop this. Borderlines are outwardly directed for clues to survival as they develop, due to mistrust issues that occur during the first stage of psychosocial development and failures of autonomy in the second stage.
As Borderlines develop, their brains learn to *expect* drama, and they eagerly scan faces for clues of trust vs. mistrust, especially concerning threat fear (which freezes them.) Since this developmental arrest sets the tone for stage two, Autonomy vs. Shame & Doubt (Toddlers, 18 mo. to 3 years) - the concept of *free will* is disrupted and autonomy stilted due to mistrust. Shame and doubt are what's left to absorb intrapsychically and the mal-adaptions begin to pile up as the child continues to grow and develop.
Psychosocial Crisis of the second stage: "If caregivers encourage self-sufficient behavior, toddlers develop a sense of autonomy- a sense of being able to handle many problems on their own. But if caregivers demand too much too soon, refuse to let children perform tasks of which they are capable, or ridicule early attempts at self-sufficiency, children may instead develop shame and doubt about their ability to handle problems."
So Borderlines are not successful in determining free will and autonomy. They seek to attach to others from a one-down, less than identity that results in strategy. That strategy is fusion to others, in order to be protected like a child. Because the protectors are limiting the child's development, the child has no choice but to split their identity into part time selves. This is the crux of the (developmental arrest.) One split child is angry (control issues, failure to break free with threat of annihilation) and the other is a lost, helpless, fearful and abandoned child who doesn't dare explore options. Options are not allowed.
The following stages of Erickson's development now snowball into maladaptive coping mechanisms- with a personality called the "detached protector" disassociating the memories during development in order to survive. this "detached protector" can be robotic and zombie like. Meanwhile, the split part time selves swing back and forth toward reward and away in anger (withdrawing) by going nowhere except in drama feelings. These feelings add to their shame and doubt as they hear the intrapsychic "punitive parent" berating and mocking them internally as the scapegoat they think they are. All distortions are externally directed in projective identification because of it.
Remember, Borderline is a persecution complex and it involves distorted perceptions. It is not done on purpose and should not be taken personally. No one is above the disordered thought. It's not your fault that this happened. It is a disorder. Thinking that you are attacked personally means that you feel threatened, but feelings are not facts.
For more information on the Eight Stages:
www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erikson%27s_stages_of_psychosocial_development
