Still love her :(

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

3 weeks post divorce. 

Finding myself missing her like crazy.  It's been almost 2 months of minimal to almost no contact.  Even the divorce signing involved no eye-contact. 

I thought I was past the hump after years of on and off separations. 

Got this strong urge to call her and ask her to meet me for lunch or dinner.  I just want to see her.  I just want to smell her.  I know this is an addiction, but I don't know how long more I can take this sh1t for.

She destroyed my life, but I still love her.  No I'm not imagining it.  I really do love her.  With all her f***ing flaws.  I'm an idiot.

[synthetic]

3 weeks post divorce. 

Finding myself missing her like crazy.  It's been almost 2 months of minimal to almost no contact.  Even the divorce signing involved no eye-contact. 

I thought I was past the hump after years of on and off separations. 

Got this strong urge to call her and ask her to meet me for lunch or dinner.  I just want to see her.  I just want to smell her.  I know this is an addiction, but I don't know how long more I can take this sh1t for.

She destroyed my life, but I still love her.  No I'm not imagining it.  I really do love her.  With all her f***ing flaws.  I'm an idiot.

[peas]

Synthetic, I think it's telling that you began your post with the length of time you have been out of your marriage.

Three weeks is in the early stages of healing from a loss, and that it was the first thing you mention tells me you understand this.

We all sound like broken records around here, but: Give. It. Time. I'm struggling three months out of a relationship and everyday is hard and there are relapses of anguish, but I get through it.

Take it easy on yourself. Draw on whatever support networks you have. Join conversations on these boards. Cry as many tears as you need to. 

[heartandwhole]

synthetic,

You are not an idiot, you are a caring human being who misses his ex wife.  Completely normal and legitimate feelings.  :)ivorce and separation hurt, and I don't think there is any way around the grieving.  

You know the road that acting on those feelings will take you on.    

A temporary fix is just that: temporary.  Is there one thing you can do just for yourself today to take your mind off of the relationship?

I know it hurts to feel this way.  Be kind to yourself.  We're here for you.

[Reg]

Hi synthetic,

There's nothing idiot in loving someone. 

Every breakup hurts, regardless if it is with someone with borderline or not.  So does a divorce.

I know it is hard but you have to believe in one person now, your very own self.  Yes you will recover, things will get better.  It takes time, but it will happen.

It is important now as Heartandwhole has said, to be kind to yourself.  See friends, get back in a almost forgotten hobby, get out of the house, it sounds like a cliché perhaps, but I can tell you from my own experience that it is such a healthy thing to do.   Also often important is that you can share the real story with a family member or friend. 

Hang in there, and yes remember, we are here for you in support !

Reg

[Clearmind]

As hard as it was for me to do I needed to really look at my definition of what love was/is.

2 years post break up my feelings about love are completely different to what I once thought! That's a great thing!

[thisyoungdad]

Thank you for posting such a raw and real part of you here. I am dreading signing the final papers sometime in October, despite then waiting until the end of March for it to become a dissolution that is essentially going to be "it". I am so afraid I will also go through another round of grief like you describe. We have been separated for a long time now, almost a year really and I have had a lot of ups and downs. Recently it has been okay because we have not seen attorneys for 2 months because of vacations etc. and so the emotions have been very quiet and so have things between us despite having a child requiring lots of contact between us. I will probably take the whole day off work instead of part of the day in fact... .it is tough to have emotions reawakened like that. You aren't alone and you aren't an idiot.

[babyducks]

There is such a real dichotomy in these type relationships.  We, both sides of the relationship, love so much and it causes such hurt.

Which makes no sense.  Love is suppose to equal good.  That's how we are trained to think right?  And yet for us here, it appears that Love equaled Hurt and Pain. 

My first thought when I read your post was 'of course you still love her'.   I still love my Ex and probably always will in some shape or form. 

However, I can't share my life with her any longer.   Its too damaging for us both.  Yes she has a serious mental disorder.  Yes I brought my own set of baggage to the relationship.    That doesn't automatically negate all the dreams, hopes and feelings we shared.

In some ways, I feel like my EX got the very best of me, and some of the worst.  And that was our r/s, the best of times and the worst of times.   To pretend otherwise is nonsensical and makes me a perennial victim.

What I can do now, is take that love and channel it into more positive avenues.   And know this is going to hurt for a long time.

babyducks

[love4meNOTu]

Oh I hear you... .

I'm two weeks out from my divorce and it hurts every single day.

The worst part is knowing the kind of person he is, he moves on very quickly. Probably already has another source of sex already procured and is planning on moving in with her shortly. I really have no idea, I'm just supposing that is what has already happened. It's the only way  he has of coping with loss.

It's very hard letting go of hope. Hope that they will change, stop abusing you, stop blaming you for everything wrong in the relationship. Can't believe how many times I asked God to help me, to help him... .when nothing would stop the rollercoaster ride of mental illness.

But then I force myself to remember what happened... .the insane jealousy, the crazy making behavior in front of my children, shaming me to everyone he knew, the complete and total lack of responsibility he has towards the pain he has caused. That was not the person I thought I knew. Not a person I could live with again. All we can do is hope that hey get help, and that they have a good life.

I've got to give this one to God... .there is nothing I can do.

Gotta take care of me and my kids.

love4

[Jbt857]

Yeah, it's difficult. I was doing pretty good after my ex moved out and kinda hit that missing him thing about a month ago. It was like slamming into a brick wall. I thought I was further forward than I was.

We split in February, he moved out 2 months later and I'm about 6 weeks out from our divorce being final. He's moved on to someone else already. I'm waaay away from that. I'm so terribly, terribly hurt by him and the things he has said and done, but yes, I still love him too.

We could wish our lives away for the 'best' them to come back in our lives, but it's a fairly tale. The reality wouldn't be that.

Still sucks, though.