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Author Topic: How Can They Not Know They're Crazy  (Read 7065 times)
JonnyJon42
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« Reply #60 on: January 23, 2012, 02:59:38 PM »

oh ya i know the guilt pool as i call it was over flowing and the new toy or toys where not draining it fast enough and now that she sent that txt she can feel like oh i tried and feel better about her self cause if she really wanted to talk should would of tried again the next day havent heared anything since so ya all about her and now that feels good again can get back in bed with the new toy for guilt free fun... .sick. If i wanted to talk to someone and didnt get though the 1st time i would try later so again thats how i know its all smoke and mirrors.
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« Reply #61 on: January 23, 2012, 06:32:32 PM »

You would try later because you really wanted to get through to that PERSON. Like you have said, it's a toy thing for her. It doesn't matter who fills the void, someone has to. My ex told me that if I did not comply with what she wanted and talk to her the way she like to be spoken to, she would replace me. Her words were, "someone will have me, I'm not that bad."
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JonnyJon42
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« Reply #62 on: January 23, 2012, 06:38:53 PM »

mine would never say that casue why tell them they are going to be replaced when you can do it and not tell them and maybe have both toys 2 is better then 1 after all Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #63 on: January 23, 2012, 06:41:12 PM »

Both are crazy and underhanded.
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JonnyJon42
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« Reply #64 on: January 23, 2012, 07:15:13 PM »

yep sure is its the really sad part of it all is if i JUST wanted sex she might be ok with that and come back just for sex which is i think really sad. I can have sex with you but cant love you Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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avoidatallcost
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« Reply #65 on: January 23, 2012, 07:18:23 PM »

I think BP's love to put a spin on our reality: as people who have been abused and traumatized, they can't deal with the reality of their behaviors. On some level I think they realize how hurtful they are, yet it is too painful for them to accept this major flaw in themselves. So our disordered abusers spin our reality to make theirs less painful.  One of the most common defense mechanisms they use is of course projection, where they accuse us of having a characteristic of themselves that they find just too painful to accept. And the most frequently projected characteristic is mental illness. After all, how can us nons not be crazy and still act the way we do in our relationships with the BP?  Another common defense mechanism my BP ex used was blame shifting. "It's your fault this happened because you're not stable enough, or you're just not good for me, or bla bla bla" you get the idea.

During my BPD relationship, after a while it became hard for me to distinguish what was real from what was being projected and what was being distorted. I began to doubt my reality and question whether I was the crazy one, or whether my disordered BP ex gf was really right about what she told me.

The truth is, THEY'RE NOT RIGHT. But I think they feel better when they can get us to carry the burden of their illness and their behavior.

What's more, I have found that BP's hide their problems very effectively. People with BPD all have serious problems in coping with life. They may appear strong and stoic on the outside, but on the inside they're hypersensitive.  They have had to maintain an aura of strength on the outside in order to survive all of the abuse they suffered by repressing it.  This is because their feelings of hurt are just too overwhelming to face.  Thus, they live in constant emotional turmoil. They seek to present a very together appearance, hiding their disease from most people. It is only when we get into a close and private relationship with someone with BPD that the abusive behavior comes out. And because their lives are wracked with emotional turmoil, there is a lot of pent-up emotion that can be focused on us. Yet those around us don't see it, causing us further confusion.  

Often, it even caused us to question our own sanity.
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JonnyJon42
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« Reply #66 on: January 23, 2012, 07:25:38 PM »

Mine would project cheating would act like im hiding things when im not i learned later that about 90% of the time what they are saying your doing is most likely what they been doing and the guilt pool is filling and they have no idea how to handle it so they throw it at you and hope it sticks some how.
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avoidatallcost
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« Reply #67 on: January 23, 2012, 07:42:58 PM »

Oh yes I totally agree the best was when my BP ex accused me of wanting to leave her for someone else.  I remember she told me this in her car, and I demanded that she let me out.  She said, "so you can go to your other girlfriend?"  We ended up making up and trying to have a normal night together.  A few days later, she stopped taking my calls and started seeing another guy.   

Such a sick disorder.
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JonnyJon42
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« Reply #68 on: January 23, 2012, 08:02:50 PM »

Yep sounds like mine

I just cant get over the fact she is acting like im stopping us from talking when she has been ignoring me for months its nuts which is why again i gave up trying to talk to her.
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avoidatallcost
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« Reply #69 on: January 23, 2012, 08:06:14 PM »

Jonny,

How exactly is she acting like you are the one who is trying to stop you guys from talking? 

But this sounds very much like classic BPD behavior, mainly because it makes absolutely no sense!
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bpdlover
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« Reply #70 on: January 23, 2012, 08:13:08 PM »

I was told that if we ever broke up, she would have to see me on the side. I don't think she has ever felt connected to anyone. Yes, her behaviour to us is repugnant but she is in total pain. I'm sure she blames me for leaving despite the fact that she left me. I can relate to that JonnyJon. From my point of view, I don't understand how a Mother who loves their child, doesn't want a good Father to have a relationship with his son.
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JonnyJon42
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« Reply #71 on: January 23, 2012, 09:03:44 PM »

By sending me a txt that said if we cant talk that its ok and she dont hold it against me. I tried to txt her a week ago got nothing like i said she has been ignoring me for 2 months then sends me that! Its nuts i never told her we cant talk anymore she got that from me saying on here that im changing my number so she saw that got in to flight or fight and sent that txt makes no sense cause once again i would still talk to her but she is Ignoring me im not ignoring her.
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avoidatallcost
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« Reply #72 on: January 23, 2012, 09:14:19 PM »

hahaha Jonny don't let that behavior bother you it's BPD standard operating procedure!  I just love it when my BP ex calls or texts me and when I respond all I hear back is crickets Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

You know when the fog clears and you're not so much in love with them anymore, their childish little games appear so sad and pathetic.  They'll never learn... these BP's will just keep playing their games on unsuspecting nice guys/girls over and over again, constantly pushing away the people that care for them and forever condemning them to the state they fear the most: loneliness.  
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JonnyJon42
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« Reply #73 on: January 23, 2012, 09:18:47 PM »

I know but its been 7 years off and on and still playing these dumb woe is me games. Its bull casue she has nothing to be sad over EVERYTHING that has happen has been her doing. No reason to be sad when your free to sleep around and drink and maybe get back into drugs NO REASON why cause this is all the things YOU wanted and push so hard to have happen.
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« Reply #74 on: January 24, 2012, 12:59:00 AM »

I agree with everybody here. These people are crazy like hell! They desire intimate or close relationship but yet when it gets too close, they will suddenly push you away and then turn around blame you for abandoning them. They will paint you blacker than the blackest black and proceed to dump you like a used diaper. You won't even know what had hit you. While you are languishing in excruciating pain, they just go on their own merry ways, as though nothing terrible has happened. The encounter of pwBPD is worse than encounter of the 10th kind!
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bpdlover
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« Reply #75 on: January 24, 2012, 01:02:20 AM »

So true! I've been almost two years out and although I have made sense of what happened, I still cannot believe that she pretended to be in a serious relationship. I would not wish the experience on anyone. Especially if it results in a child.
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JonnyJon42
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« Reply #76 on: January 24, 2012, 01:23:28 AM »

Everything they do is pretend Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

Im sure mine is has a new boyfriend and he thinks its all great but in her mind its fine until he fails her which he will do cause no one can live up to the nutty standers if its not already started  and she will ether try to find another toy ( and keep the boyfriend and just lie) or try to engage me ( and lie to me and the new guy) or leave him for another guy all together maybe all 3 Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).

Its funny everyone is like you never know what they will do but be around enough and you can start to guess and be right 75% of the time Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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avoidatallcost
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« Reply #77 on: January 24, 2012, 08:12:16 AM »

I wonder how long it will be before the insanity of our BP exes comes out in their new relationships... my ex BP gf used to work in 6 to 8 week cycles.  I mean she was pretty much crazy all the time, but she could go on for as long as 6 weeks of acting reasonably normal.  She jotted all of her thoughts down in her diary, so I wonder if she ever noticed her own cycles.

Hard to tell, but probably not.
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bpdlover
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« Reply #78 on: January 24, 2012, 08:18:32 AM »

I noticed her cycles were around 21 days. We managed to get the push/pull, come here, go away done and dusted inside the month. Which means there were break ups very regularly. Thinking back, I wish I had just walked away and stopped returning calls after the first or second one. I once told my ex she behaved strangely every 21 days. She seemed surprised that I had worked out her cycle, as she was previously explaining her craziness under a new heading. She had this or that or it was the medication etc. After so many ailments, I became confused about the three little letters I thought it might be. BPD.
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avoidatallcost
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« Reply #79 on: January 24, 2012, 08:26:41 AM »

She seemed surprised that I had worked out her cycle, as she was previously explaining her craziness under a new heading. She had this or that or it was the medication etc. After so many ailments, I became confused about the three little letters I thought it might be. BPD.

BPDlover, never accuse your BP of being crazy to their face!  I think this includes any type of "predictable" behavior which can be attributed to an identifiable group, such as BPD's.  This is not good for your health.  They will accuse you of being an armchair psychiatrist, and then they'll go on to list some of the more crazy things that you yourself have done.  Usually, these are things you did that were almost always a result of their insane provocations.

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bpdlover
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« Reply #80 on: January 24, 2012, 08:38:24 AM »

I never actually said to her that I thought she was crazy. She was the waif type list maker anyhow. Her Dad was caught up in some heavy slant on religion which basically denounces everything in the world so she came across as an extension of his narrow minded outlook. It was a little sad as she looked like she'd been a prisoner of their household for most of her childhood. I felt for her. I remember once texting her after the second break up. It was when she hung up on me because she didn't want to tell me she agreed to go out for a drink with another guy. Instead, I just got pushed away and she didn't take my call. I said that it was kinda psycho. Then when I talked to her, tried to illuminate the reality that you don't just agree to go out for a night with a guy if you are in a relationship. She laughed and said her ex told her she was psycho also. What followed was another discussion until the early hours of the morning where she reluctantly agree to stick with the relationship until she changed her mind that afternoon. Do I miss the fun we had? Um, no.
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JonnyJon42
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« Reply #81 on: January 24, 2012, 10:37:03 AM »

The last year i told her she was crazy all the time cause she is and needs to face this. Mine will leave me then jump in with someone else then MOST of the time i start to hear from her in a few weeks mostly useless crap at 1st lots of this is for the best and i did this for you crap ( she never does anything for me its always about her even when she makes it about me) what she is really saying is I DID THIS FOR ME this is the BEST FOR ME. Druing this time she will come and go ill get a txt maybe once every few weeks then poof gone. Then as time moves on i hear from her more and more and it becomes more i love you i miss you i know we should be together but we cant or maybe when i get to a better place we can be together Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) again code for i dont like this new toy anymore i want you back BUT i dont want to get rid of the new toy and so we start lieing before we even get back together. After a time of doing this crap she then trys to come back. Then things are great for a time ( mostly i think because getting back with her is so much drama cause i have to play white knight and get rid of all these now bad toys) and like a father getting rid of a bad boyfriend i do it then when things slow down its back to drama ville and she leaves again to repeat.

Remember no matter how much they say they are gone and not coming back it means nothing like a child saying ill never eat candy again Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).
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avoidatallcost
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« Reply #82 on: January 24, 2012, 10:47:39 AM »

Jonny stop letting her back into your life!  I have this problem too, my BP ex tries to re-engage with me all the time and her excuses for contacting me are always so professional.  It's such a subtle ho0vering attempt it barely floats in under my radar... I love how they do this to keep us attached when (and not if) things go wrong with the new guy/girl.  Such sick ppl... how can they not know this is crazy behavior!  Do they think it's normal to constantly switch back and forth between the new guy and the old bf?  Like what the heck!  How can they see it as normal that they triangulate so many people!  My BP used to tell me how her bf's would complain that she only used them for rides, or dinner, or company when she was lonely etc

How could she not see the reality here? 
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JonnyJon42
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« Reply #83 on: January 24, 2012, 10:56:35 AM »

Im trying to keep strong its so f'ing hard when i wake up just mad out of my mind over all this. I think i get so mad cause i miss her and it makes me mad that im letting her win my missing her cause she has the power again. When im happy and things get norm i still find my self checking my phone for her not in a i wonder if she is coming back way in a i wonder if she txt like we are still together like instinct i dont even think about it just do it. Sometimes i just wish i could get a fix of her and it would be fine but its not i go though withdraw shortly after and want another.
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stonehead
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« Reply #84 on: January 24, 2012, 11:22:53 AM »

Yes, my upwBPD did the same thing. Once a while she would send a short but very nice email saying something like "I still love you". Then when I got all warmed up and replied, she would go silent again. I felt so sick of myself for being so stupid. She is really lower than the lowest life forms on earth and worse than scum inside a septic tank.
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avoidatallcost
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« Reply #85 on: January 24, 2012, 11:30:02 AM »

I can't help but feel bad for everyone on this forum.  We all seem like such caring, concerned human beings.  It really is such a shame that we all had to suffer at the hands of this emotionally destructive disorder.

I just wonder if I make as little sense to my BP ex as she does to me...
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Finished
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« Reply #86 on: January 24, 2012, 11:41:27 AM »

You know ... I've thought about this alot since you started this thread. My ex was dxBPD by 2 psychologists and a psychiatrist. When we broke up he said his dx was a mistake and he just had pstd.

Know why they don't know they are crazy?

THEY DO NOT WANT TO KNOW. It would be too much reality for them to deal with.

They are more comfortable with their chaos and misery and unhealthy patterns than they are with the alternative. Leaving their misery would be some twisted form of abandonment. Crazy can't abandon me either.
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« Reply #87 on: January 24, 2012, 11:41:52 AM »

I can't help but feel bad for everyone on this forum.  We all seem like such caring, concerned human beings.  It really is such a shame that we all had to suffer at the hands of this emotionally destructive disorder.

I just wonder if I make as little sense to my BP ex as she does to me...

I was thinking about that myself today. I think sadly, that's about the size of it. My ex was really together in some ways with periods of self-awareness. She wrote that somehow every relationship she had would turn brittle. Over time I have come to see that's true, for her. At the point where other people de-idealize each other and realize that everyone has flaws, she starts to triangulate and paint black. I watched her do it over and over with friends whose offenses were small... .or not even offenses.

It is truly sad. Without serious help I do not think she will ever have the relationship that she deserves, at least not beyond the idealization phase. Maybe, though, that phase is worth it to her... .I don't know.

I do know that I do not want that in my life any more. I have compassion for her sometimes (and anger and everything else). But I was wrong and serving my own wounds and blind spots to concentrate so much energy on her. It was arrogant to think it had to be me, or that it even could be me, that somehow my love was supernaturally powerful.

I have so many good, low-drama relationships and true friends and my issue was that I also wanted the highs and thought I was engaged in some kind of epic struggle for good in the lows, that I was growing as a person to work around her constant, terrible projection. (She used to project all her fears onto me, like she would want to lose weight and project that I wanted her to lose weight, when I didn't care unless she did.)

But I wasn't. I was getting caught up in it. I think she was unable to understand probably at least half of what I was trying to give her... .which probably means it had no value anyway. But other people do get it. ETA: Well rather, they don't need to get it... .we can enjoy things together and not be caught up in strange swamps of disaffection.
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JonnyJon42
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« Reply #88 on: January 24, 2012, 11:49:34 AM »

The sad part is all these BPD have me not trusting women at all
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« Reply #89 on: January 24, 2012, 11:54:17 AM »

The sad part is all these BPD have me not trusting women at all

I still have trust issues with my BPD wife after 23

Years of marriage.  It never ends.

Sir5r
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