can somebody tell me if this is another BPDgf

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hey, so I think most of you know my story about my relationship with my exBPDgf. Well I had moved on rather quickly and in about a months time since we broke up I started to get onto dating websites. I sent a couple girls messages asking for them too look my profile over and get back to me if they were interested. So this one girl sent me a message saying that she was very interested in getting to know me. So we talked for a little and she seems really into sex already after only two days of texting each other. I had told her that I have been hurt by my exBPDgf in the past and kinda gave her a hint of what BPD is. She told me she is sane as can be and that she is in the Air force. We had texted each other a lot the first day and then the second day we texted some but she seemed more distant or like she was busy. I was cool with giving her space. Today we texted a little more but it just seems like she is more into sex then getting to know each others favorites or about each other. So she told me today that she was in yoga class and I asked if it was baby yoga since she has a three month old baby. Her profile said she didn't have kids by the way but I'm fine with it. So she said yea its baby yoga and I said awwwh cute and asked for a pic. She didn't send any and just was real quite after that. So an hour after that I sent her a text and she said "I'm getting a car, hold on a damn second" . So my question is that a red flag, or what ? Thanks

[Broken25]

Hey, so I think most of you know my story about my relationship with my exBPDgf. Well I had moved on rather quickly and in about a months time since we broke up I started to get onto dating websites. I sent a couple girls messages asking for them too look my profile over and get back to me if they were interested. So this one girl sent me a message saying that she was very interested in getting to know me. So we talked for a little and she seems really into sex already after only two days of texting each other. I had told her that I have been hurt by my exBPDgf in the past and kinda gave her a hint of what BPD is. She told me she is sane as can be and that she is in the Air force. We had texted each other a lot the first day and then the second day we texted some but she seemed more distant or like she was busy. I was cool with giving her space. Today we texted a little more but it just seems like she is more into sex then getting to know each others favorites or about each other. So she told me today that she was in yoga class and I asked if it was baby yoga since she has a three month old baby. Her profile said she didn't have kids by the way but I'm fine with it. So she said yea its baby yoga and I said awwwh cute and asked for a pic. She didn't send any and just was real quite after that. So an hour after that I sent her a text and she said "I'm getting a car, hold on a damn second" . So my question is that a red flag, or what ? Thanks

[spark2]

I would say - welcome to the wild world of dating. Don't assume everyone is a BPD.

Also I don't use dating sites. As a college student who once used them I only ever had sex hookups send me messages. Usually girls looking to cheat on their boyfriend with me.

[bunnyrabit]

Nah man, she sounds like real marriage material 

Seriously though, it sounds like you're way over-analyzing everything and you're getting attached somehow way too soon ( like getting worried when she doesn't answer straight away ). Just let it go already, hook up with some more women so you can compare and don't rush anything. In time it'll be clear enough which are the sane and insane ones.

[goinbonkers]

she is BPD only if she fits at least five out of the nine criteria for BPD.  otherwise, its just the rigors of normal dating (i.e. trying to find a diamond in the rough).

[Clearmind]

B25, can I ask you your question right back? Lets look at the behaviors not the label.

So my question is that a red flag, or what ?

By that, you are referring to this comment: ["So an hour after that I sent her a text and she said "I'm getting a car, hold on a damn second"]

Negating the car texting incident - what other red flags do you see about this girl?

Do you believe that if someone is talking to you like this after 2 days of texting that they will treat you any better in 6 months. Are you wanting sex or a relationship?

[oletimefeelin]

I'd say delete your profile and focus on moving on for real.

[goinbonkers]

B25, can I ask you your question right back? Lets look at the behaviors not the label.

So my question is that a red flag, or what ?

By that, you are referring to this comment: ["So an hour after that I sent her a text and she said "I'm getting a car, hold on a damn second"]

Negating the car texting incident - what other red flags do you see about this girl?

Do you believe that if someone is talking to you like this after 2 days of texting that they will treat you any better in 6 months. Are you wanting sex or a relationship?

try not to be so hard on the guy.  

sex tends to boggle our minds (and with little to no effort even).

our other brain tells us to ignore any and all red flags.

[bunnyrabit]

otherwise, its just the rigors of normal dating (i.e. trying to find a diamond in the rough).

That's exactly what we're not supposed to be looking for anymore, we're looking for a sparkling, polished diamond. We're not professional diamond cutters, remember!

[Clearmind]

goinbonkers, part of our role needs to be assessed to move forward to more healthy relationships. This sort of inquiry is the reason why we are here.

[goinbonkers]

goinbonkers, part of our role needs to be assessed to move forward to more healthy relationships. This sort of inquiry is the reason why we are here.

i agree. 

i am sure he sees all the red flags quite clearly. 

its just (very) tough to do anything about it though.

[Clearmind]

Its for this reason - emotional inertia - that got me into a BPD relationship to begin with. Emotional responsibility, emotional maturity and better relationship skills need to be developed to know when to do something, know when to step back because a situation is not good for us. On the flip side is another unhealthy, dysfunctional and toxic relationship.

The choice will always be yours - either way!

[goinbonkers]

Its for this reason - emotional inertia - that got me into a BPD relationship to begin with. Emotional responsibility, emotional maturity and better relationship skills need to be developed to know when to do something, know when to step back because a situation is not good for us. On the flip side is another unhealthy, dysfunctional and toxic relationship.

The choice will always be yours - either way!

well i hope he chooses to do something about it sooner than later. 

i saw the red flags but opted to just change the color of the flags.  it didn't work. 

i am working on me now.

[Broken25]

Well I'm not sure she has BPD but it jus kinda struck me off guard when she said what she did.

[goinbonkers]

Well I'm not sure she has BPD but it jus kinda struck me off guard when she said what she did.

i feel she doesn't seem to be all that well my friend.  i'd suggest you move along before you get yourself in too deep.  with you texting her so often, she can clearly see the hook sinking in and it seems her true colors are emerging.  i'm just saying.  maybe get off the dating boards and work on yourself for a bit first.

[MaybeSo]

She has a three month old baby (barley time to heal from labor and delivery) and for most women this is naturally a very emotional time and the instinct is all about bonding with a newborn, not strangers, even beloved husbands often feel a bit left out, usually)... .and she has time to hook up and promote an interest is sex with strange men on the Internet?

Come on now... .who cares if she has BPD. I mean, huh? ? God, I must be getting old. Oh And she lied on the profile and said she has no kids? Come on!

[myself]

Broken25, what does this tell you about your own patterns?

[Slowlybutsurely]

Just two quick things.

My thought is the text you think is rude may have been her trying to be funny. I could see it that way.

Also, don't ask for someone's kid's pics till you know them a LONG time. I'd never give my kid's pic to someone who I didn't know inside and out. There are so many freaks out there... .

But the whole sex thing right away, and with a new baby... .yeah, I'd say that's a big red flag.

[Broken25]

Thing is though that she has sent me pics of her baby already. One with her and the baby, and one with her dog and baby. I can notice a few red flags already and something she told me last night made me question her. She said that she was sexualy molested her entire life by her older brother even. However she gets upset with me when I question her about how she does in relationships and she even said that I wasnt giving her a chance to prove that she has put all of her past behind her.

[Broken25]

Another thing she said was that she wants to have unprotected sex cause "it feels better"

[Slowlybutsurely]

Okay, so, yeah.  Better not to proceed with this one. Sheesh... .?

[2010]

You know the answer to this. It's not that difficult of a decision.

This woman is lactating with another man's child in her arms while she posts an electronic billboard for sexual partners.

In all likelihood her Husband is deployed overseas and has no idea that she is sleeping with other men.

What is your attraction to this? She is an easy target, as most mentally ill people are. Your attraction to playing with dysfunction and not understanding the consequences of being burned need to be addressed.  Time to turn away from drama and make room in your life for healthy relationships. 

[goinbonkers]

What is your attraction to this? She is an easy target, as most mentally ill people are. Your attraction to playing with dysfunction and not understanding the consequences of being burned need to be addressed.  Time to turn away from drama and make room in your life for healthy relationships. 

been there.  getting the easy one's just ain't worth it (in the long run).  please listen to 2010.