Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
July 31, 2021, 02:45:26 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Harri, Once Removed
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, I Am Redeemed, Mutt, Turkish
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
84
Pages: 1 [2]  All   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Did anyone meet their "BPD" online? [Dating Stats included]  (Read 14011 times)
findingmyselfagain
******
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 940


« Reply #30 on: September 23, 2012, 08:25:49 PM »

Match.com. But I saw she was divorced with a 1 y/o. Has to be some serious baggage already but I had this strong feeling that "I really should give her a chance. She just needs someone who cares." I always told her she "looked sweet." I'm guessing what I really meant was that she looked vulnerable. I was primed to be a rescuer (didn't know it or anything about BPD at the time). The first time we talked I found out she was divorced TWO times at the age of 24 y/o. I should have moved at a snail's pace but I fell for the seduction.

Move sloowly... .online and in real life. Lesson learned.
Logged
Ex-Vamp-Slayer
***
Offline Offline

Posts: 219


« Reply #31 on: September 23, 2012, 10:31:17 PM »

Does it really matter where you meet someone? It is not about themit is about me.do I have healthy self esteem, boundaries? If the answer is no I will be attracted to a BPD anywhere. If the answer is yes, it doesn't matter where you meet. I put together a list of qualities I required in order to be in a relationship. I have looked at the list less frequently but I still review it. I have been dating her for 9 months and she exceeds the list.

We met on match.com, si I go back to my original statement. It is about my emotional health not where I met someone.
Logged
starkwell

*
Offline Offline

Posts: 20


« Reply #32 on: September 24, 2012, 01:46:32 PM »

Mine was met online... .No friends outside of her work.
Logged
duncanville1
****
Offline Offline

Posts: 324


« Reply #33 on: September 24, 2012, 09:01:53 PM »

Craigslist here... .
Logged
GreenMango
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 4328



« Reply #34 on: September 25, 2012, 01:06:05 AM »

Does it really matter where you meet someone? It is not about themit is about me.do I have healthy self esteem, boundaries? If the answer is no I will be attracted to a BPD anywhere. If the answer is yes, it doesn't matter where you meet. I put together a list of qualities I required in order to be in a relationship. I have looked at the list less frequently but I still review it. I have been dating her for 9 months and she exceeds the list.

We met on match.com, si I go back to my original statement. It is about my emotional health not where I met someone.

Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
Logged

darkstar
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 209



« Reply #35 on: September 25, 2012, 08:01:18 AM »

myspace, but it doesn't matter for me either. Our problem was the different language and complications. My ex typical BPD, liked and still likes to controll everything in her life not just me. The long distance was out of her control. I noticed it early but she could even met me in the grocery in my home town and I would have ignored all the red flags.

Logged
darkstar
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 209



« Reply #36 on: September 25, 2012, 08:01:54 AM »

deleted
Logged
Kizmet99

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 35



« Reply #37 on: September 25, 2012, 10:58:21 AM »

Yep met him on line and like most everyone else - Never again !

Logged
dancinginthelight
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 171



« Reply #38 on: September 29, 2012, 10:04:10 AM »

Met him on "Plentyoffish.com" way back in 2008.

I had used this site and met a couple of nightmares that did not go anywhere.

Then I spotted him, or rather, he began messaging me. He was very polite and sweet

and did not come across like the rest. We spoke on the phone for many months before we

eventually met in person. I wasnt looking for romance at the time but we became very close

and I fell in love.

Logged
vanilla_essence
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Single.
Posts: 332



« Reply #39 on: September 29, 2012, 11:51:33 AM »

We met on the internet too. Not a dating site, it was a music forum. I wasn't looking for anyone. I was in a relationship when we "connected".

She didn't have any real friends at the time. Only virtual ones. Through out the years she was with me she did manage to make friends and grew as a person in many ways. I can at least say that much.
Logged
Slowlybutsurely
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 339



« Reply #40 on: September 29, 2012, 12:07:47 PM »

Craigslist, and she had and still has a million friends.

And I've met of the most amazing people ever on Craisglist too. Most people meet their SOs online these days.

So, there you go.  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
Logged
sirensong65
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 197



« Reply #41 on: December 27, 2013, 05:36:07 PM »

Plenty of Fish and only one friend if you can call him that.  I refer to him and the enabler/accomplice. 
Logged
Waifed
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1026



« Reply #42 on: December 27, 2013, 05:55:35 PM »

Another onliner here. But you can know someone in real time as friends for years, without ever suspecting that they'll only get the crazies when they are intimate with you. I am a personal eye witness to this.

Me too. Worked with her for 3 years prior to dating. I would have never guessed in a million years.
Logged
Iwalk-Heruns
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 261


« Reply #43 on: December 27, 2013, 10:31:37 PM »

"-Don't hop into bed with someone you dont' know well yet.

-Date someone casually for a good long time before you get into anything serious with them.

-Meet people's family and freinds and get some real background before you get into anything serious with them.

-Take your time and get to KNOW SOMEONE really WELL before you get into anything serious with them."


Thank you, MaybeSo.  Very good points! 

I do not have a good track record in following these suggestions, but I plan to follow through with them in my future.

I always relied on this one as being a good gage. Boy was I wrong. They think he is the second coming. He makes very sure to keep a set of fans and enablers around. Even in the face of all his disastrous relationships they think he is the one who is always wronged. One of the siblings advice to him when his relationship gets close to exploding is " just take a xanex and go online! " nice advice thanks!
Logged
Unique135

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 35


« Reply #44 on: June 26, 2014, 10:03:31 PM »

I met my BPD exbf on a dating website and ive read it littered with them. im curious to know if others met their BPD on a dating website?

I met mine online as well.  In fact, he has been on different dating sites for over 10 years, going from one girl to another.  After we would have an argument, he would run back to the dating site trying to find another girl.
Logged
Pablo333

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Friend
Posts: 20


« Reply #45 on: March 18, 2016, 03:10:40 AM »

I knew mine for 4 years first and we were good friends during that time.  

It's a disorder of intimacy so once you are too close or reality of commitment sets in the disorder is triggered.  But I think there are always warning flags regardless of whether its in person or online.

But it seems like online you need to be more careful.  People can pretend like they are or want a lot of things online without raising too many flags.

I've known mine for 2 years, and when things start to get close this was definitely the trigger, because it wasnt a hit fling build up its often a much slower process i feel if you are friends first
Logged
GreenEyedMonster
*****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 720



WWW
« Reply #46 on: March 18, 2016, 05:16:42 AM »

I met the ex I post about here in person.

However, just after my breakup with him, I met a "great" guy online, met him in person once, and he had every BPD  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post) right there on the first date.  I tested him a little bit to make sure I wasn't paranoid, then kicked him to the curb!

I have met other people on online dating sites before this, too, who seem disordered in hindsight.

My exBPD met his first girlfriend (ex fiancee) online and got engaged to her after 10 days of instant messaging!  Online was a great venue for him because he is very well-spoken in writing, and his selfishness and tendency to ditch people for important occasions were both hidden in that medium.  My relationship with him was somewhat shorter than that one because it probably took longer for the other woman to figure out what he was really like.  Then again, she was allegedly *diagnosed* Cluster B.
Logged
Frustratedbloke
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 141


« Reply #47 on: March 18, 2016, 10:43:32 AM »

Plenty of Fish here and she used it as a weapon, during the first devalue (I know, I will never have two devalue stages with anybody ever again... ) when I didn't do exactly as she wanted, she basically opened the site in front of me, literally looking for my replacement. It was actually psycho in retrospect and so demeaning.

I met her after a bad business failure, I told her at the end if I met her now I don't think she'd get a second date.
Logged
MapleBob
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 724



« Reply #48 on: March 18, 2016, 11:09:00 AM »

Met mine online, and she was in another country, so I honestly figured it was a no-go, and that we'd just be online pals. She came to visit me three weeks (!) later, threw pretty much all of her red flags at me on the first date, but she was so cute and sweet and vulnerable about doing it that I found it charming. Sigh.
Logged
paperlung
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 448


« Reply #49 on: March 18, 2016, 12:11:32 PM »

Yes, off POF. She's currently on there right now "Looking for a relationship". It's funny how many times she's been on there at this point.

All of her ex-boyfriends, before and after me, were discovered online.
Logged
Cryin Shame

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 7


« Reply #50 on: March 18, 2016, 02:15:02 PM »

My ex BPD Partner answered my personal ad in a Christian website in which I spoke of the role Jesus played in my life. He reeled me in by scamming me that we were soulmates and almost tore my relationship with God to pieces. He tried to manipulate me into having sex with strange men while he watched--who on earth reads a personal ad like mine in a Christian website and thinks to himself "now that's a hot babe who's into swinging!" ?
Logged
Mustang0916
Fewer than 3 Posts
*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up
Posts: 1


« Reply #51 on: November 13, 2019, 02:49:49 PM »

Met mine on Tinder. As soon as she was done with me she was back on Tinder the next day. She’s now in a “relationship” less than a month after we broke up. So much for her undying love for me. I did this search because I was curious. Figures on BPD percentage in the general population ranges to about 6% but I had this thought that their percentage in available people would be much higher because of their inability to sustain relationships so their percentage on online dating sites would be much higher than average.
Logged
BrokenSpokane
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 64


non-BPD was with BPD and healing


« Reply #52 on: November 17, 2019, 09:50:34 AM »

I met my exBPD on match.com. never again.
Logged
once removed
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
**
Online Online

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 11902



« Reply #53 on: November 17, 2019, 08:26:09 PM »

sort of.

we met through a mutual gal friend online, back in the day when aol instant messenger was huge.

i saw pictures of them together, and was really drawn to her. i knew i just had to talk to her.

we were friends for three years before we got together...mostly through AIM, but spoke on the phone and text.
Logged

     and I think it's gonna be all right; yeah; the worst is over now; the mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball…
hmf2234

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 38


« Reply #54 on: November 18, 2019, 07:54:16 AM »

oh yea... we met on tinder... I know, first red flag Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)!

Granted I wasn't using tinder to find meaningful romantic relationships, at the time. I was "enjoying the single life" and I was using tinder for what its mostly used for, the "casual interactions". Well after we met casually and had our "date", she made it very clear she wanted to be with me after I told her I wasn't interested in a relationship. Long story short, she eroded my resolve to stay single and eventually I caved in to the idea of a relationship... yes i know, another HUGE red flag.

She wanted me, she was very pushy, she got what she wanted, once it got old she discarded. The end.
Logged
confusedbybdp
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken Up
Posts: 75



« Reply #55 on: November 18, 2019, 08:24:28 AM »

 Welcome new member (click to insert in post)

I agree with all who have commented here.  I met my ex 4 years before we started dating and we saw each other only occasionally during that time when we "bumped into each other" in town.  I didn't know him well enough to see the red flags, like the condition he was living in, but it wasn't until we started a romantic relationship that his BPD fears and behaviors were "triggered."

The lack of friends (and perhaps family) should be a huge red flag for us.  My guess is that if we looked for this before we got involved with our pwBPD, it would have saved us a LOT of heartbreak.  I have said in other comments on this board that I am a bit of a loner.  I grew up overseas, and my friends are few and far between, and scattered around the States and abroad.  I was used to "saying goodbye" to dear frineds when we moved every few years, and this was in the days before Facebook, etc., and calling internationally was ridiculously expense, so it was easy to lose track of people.  BUT...even I have a close circle of friends, and some of those friends have miraculously lasted for decades.  And, though I don't see my family as often as I would like, I am close to them, and the relationships are good.  This was NOT the case with my ex - very early in the (romantic relationship), I learned that he was estranged from his family,  and he told me that he had no friends that he felt close enough to have lunch or go to the movies.  Also, very early on, I personally witnessed my ex giving random people the silent treatment, holding grudges against them, and deleting them as contacts on his phone.   Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post) Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2021?

Pages: 1 [2]  All   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2021 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
Andi1956
Anondad
Cnvi
doghouse
drained1996
EyesUp
Harri
JD2028
lovenature
Mac5
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
old97
P.F.Change
Skip
snowglobe
Swimmy55
Teno
Turkish
wendydarling

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!