13 days of silence - will she come back?

[Relentless]

There was another post here about this and it was locked due to 4 page limit. I really wish I could ask those members... . Lots of people had stories of them coming back many times, some after days, some after weeks, and some after months... . Did they ever think you did something really bad when they left any of those times? I'm not sure what's going to happen in my case, but mine left after a fight where I finally yelled back after being accused of taking lewd pics of her and sending them to someone (who the ef that someone is... . Your guess is as good as mine... . Cuz if I had any, I would never share them). Anyways, she searches my phone, no pics. Finds an email of a pic of a girl in a swimsuit... . It was innocent (was going to get that swimsuit for her), but in her mind she "found me out" and accused me of cheating to make it all worse.

I'm innocent in my heart... . Did I do something dumb? Or normal fighting back? Yes and yes.

So anyone have an ex come back after you were accused of something you didn't do? I started NC Monday... . I've been getting complete silent treatment since she left that night almost 3 weeks ago. We were friends for 13.5 years before dating, and have some mutual friends. I treated her amazingly and was praised by both her parents for how happy she was with me. The closer we got... . The more we fought (she fought really).

She's going away for 4 months for schooling later this month. I know there are to a of possibilities... . But my main question is a search for extreme cases where you thought they were t coming back and they did... . Or you knew they would even after something terrible (according to them). Thanks in as advance... Wish we could tag members so those in that other post would get notified.

Hope everyone is doing as well as you can.

[HealingSlowly]

Being split and there and not there will keep her/him there when he/she feels like it, of course. Their doubleness is crazy-making and we become double, never trusting ourselves or them. It is horrible and it does get worse, not better. Right after they have shown up again and been "normal" and we talked to them and thought maybe we were imagining things and this is workable, they disappear. And then show up again and never when or as expected. Nothing is normal, nothing is remotely predictable, because it is BPD and in time the craziness IS what is normal or only to be expected in this situation. It's still hard not to remember the good depending on the swing of any given day or during any given month, but all it takes is one more contact to see the difference again and on and on it goes. Vicious cycle. I've had no contact with my ex for almost two months but this is not long enough to rest easy it won't happen again. I did change my phone number but there's still email and a work connection so I am always on guard, especially about the work connection where there is some access to me (though not directly). BPDs will go to any length to make contact when they want something but it is never about anything but themselves and whatever is firing off or not in their brains at the moment. It is very sad and scary. Try to stop the splitting before it gets worse as it really does only get worse and not better and takes that much longer to start healing. Best wishes!  

[Gaslit]

Here's the thing about BPDs. They never really go away, and they never really come back to you.  

And if you allow them, i.e. if you keep participating, you will swing wildly back and forth between clinging and distancing behaviors for the rest of your Entire life. That's the best you can expect after the false honeymoon ends. And yours ended. They all end.

But don't worry. You won't be alone. There will plenty of others there with you, swinging back and forth with her.

Let her leave for 4 months. Do nothing. It may, in hindsight, be the smartest thing you ever did.

[Relentless]

Today I found out from her room mate that she said she was done with me, and that it was a situation she didn't want to be in... .

She said that I was a great bf, and I did a lot of great things... . but I wasn't the guy she thought I was... .

WTH! Ugh, it hurts. I then found out she's been telling all her friends to not talk to me and said that she is scared of me etc.

Do they ever come back around after hit like this? (not necessarily romantically... . but at all? Will she split me white again after a long time of realizing she is blowing some stupid ass thing way out of proportion?)

I'm actually mad right now! I've never been through this before... . even after her telling people this stuff... . is it possible to split me back to white ever? She admitted I was a great bf etc... .

[Dave44]

After my ex dumped me and cut me out of her life I have never heard a single word from her again... . ever. Not one peep... . no text, no email, notta, zilch... . nothing.

[Dave44]

Into month 9 now. Trust me, after what she did she aint coming back. I guarantee it.

[SWLSR]

Chances are at some point they will think about coming back.  Its all upnto logistics as to if theybdo.come back.  But for you its better if they dont.

[Relentless]

So regardless of how crazy the break up is (reality or in their mind) it is truly random to us whether they try to come back one day... . ? It seems that is going to be the case... . Either way I'm moving on with my life. It's hard. But I have to. I'd love for her to miss the friendship, and maybe come back... . Idk. Right now I'm in shock still. I'm hurt... . Sad... . Angry.

I didn't do anything... . Not innocently at least even if I did mess up.

Thx for talking with me guys. Good to get perspectives. I gave so much of me and my heart to her.

[Mark2430]

Mine came back after about 2 1/2 months, and said she had tried to email me a few weeks before that (I don't believe it) and that she stumbled upon all our old pics and realizes that she may never find anything close to what we had (again I don't believe it) my guess is if she is truly BPD once she gets dumped by the next guy she may or may not send out a feeler to see if you are still interested... . Of course I think this depends on the person, I think most BPDs do reach out to their exes I stayed firm no-contact and it got easier at about the 6 week mark, I thought about her less and less and could see her for what she really was... . Don't listen to their words focus on their actions, mine accused me of lying and cheating all the time... . I just told her she was being ridiculous and I would walk away, it gets better but my advice would be live your life  and work on  bettering yourself in some way shape or form,

[Moonie75]

Mine lining the neighbor up while she started her latest devaluation of me by accusing me (via projections) of everything she was up to. I was the one that was lining someone up according to her!

been there before & got sucked back in so knew the signs & I was right out the door. Within days she shagging the neighbor she was so adamant I was wrong about!

I don't think I'll be hearing any recycle babble from her again. There's no way back from that balls up! not even for a BPD.

And though that hurts more in some ways, it kind of seals the job for ever & that's going to be a huge help. Knowing she's not coming back to test however far I've got in my recovery.