How Long Have You Been NO CONTACT/ESTRANGED?

[Human]

6 years VLC: only email or letters but no calls or visits.

This will continue until and unless she chooses treatment and makes significant progress with it, which will most likely never happen.

I now have a sense of peace, safety, and strength that I had been missing for my entire life.

[Rbrdkyst4]

It's been almost a year. EnDad and uBPDm are still clueless and continue to send e-mails, cards, and letters despite the black hole of not returning any communications. They even recently tried to bribe their way back into our life with a cheque for our wedding gift as our wedding was a year ago. Rage.

uBPDm is currently distracted by her first grandchild, which I empathize for the child and my brother and SIL over all the soon-to-be crazy attention

[anker]

i speak with my sister maybe every other month. i speak with my other sister on Facebook about as often. my mom... .  ii have  her hidden from my Facebook feed since she mostly puts up stuff that triggers me. i see my foo for a week or two every other year or so.

[anker]

this is the most contact I've had with them in twenty years or so.

[Rbrdkyst4]

Coming up to 1 year in a week. There's been some moments that have riled me up, but refusing to respond has made me feel stronger and more in control.

[linusham]

Just gone NC. I feel very upset and can't sleep, can't eat and am having bad dreams every night about my uBPDsis.

Also she is trying everything to break the NC. Latest was asking if we could celebrate her birthday together and then go back to NC. Of course being new at this I broke NC to say no and that opened the floodgates. I got told I was abusive and exhausting and that I'd ruined her life with my excessive demands - hiliarious as she's never done a thing for me.

At least for me, my mom, dad, husband etc all know she's totally crazy and so none of them listen to a stupid word out of her mouth.

But its really affected me and now every time I see her name in my inbox I literally get heart palpitations. I just hope it gets easier. I did a few months NC earlier this year and the anxiety didn't go as I thought it would. Its weird I've been nc for years in the past but it all feels so much more final now. I think I've got to the end of my tether and I know this and so its scary for me. I feel like there's no going back this time. And the guilt kills me because she is totally alone now except for mom with no one at all in her life. And she has no money and a really hard time and she's clearly feeling very bad but I just can't take anymore.

[Human]

Yes- exactly they don't change because change is very uncomfortable for them. After 30 years, when I visited as part of my own therapy - the bed in my room had the same linens I remembered! The same everything - very meticulously kept - but UNCHANGED - so eerie. And they say the same things too - over and over and over the same stories like a broken record. My mother cannot even acknowledge that I have been to college and I have a PhD! Nor can she acknowledge that I was in the Air Force for 10 years or that I have children or a job. It's like she is stuck in my childhood - it is just so bizarre - why was she never diagnosed with SOMETHING! I am angry at this - why does no one in the entire family hold her accountable?

... .  

Poor her with this ungrateful, crazy, drug addicted (I smoked pot once in high school), daughter. She is the biggest martyr on the planet.

... .  

How on earth did I ever survive with my sanity?

parent of BPD daughter -- Your post here gave me comfort in how familiar it is to me.

My room is kept just as I left it 21 years ago, with the same linens, the same stuffed animals displayed exactly so.

My uBPDm dwells on the same childhood memories of me, obsessively. As if she's only happy remembering a time when I was helplessly beholden to her, before I became the person I am.

I am also terribly, terribly, cruelly "ungrateful." She can't get away with adding "drug addicted" because I never even tried pot -- or a single cigarette, or sex before I graduated from college -- but similarly, she'd give you an earful about what a horrible child I was. I did come home TWO MINUTES late for curfew a couple of times. Oh god, you'd think I'd totaled the car and gotten pregnant, judging by uBPDm and enDad's overreaction.

Yes, I'm sure I was really "horrible"... .  whenever I wasn't studying or being valedictorian of my H.S. or volunteering for good causes. I am a deeply horrible person. Unforgivable, really.

[Texaussie]

One week today with uBPDm and enabling father.

[Lunira]

No contact with my mother for a year, followed by 11 years of LC.  But my mother didn't keep my room just as I'd left it, during that NC year she boxed stuff up and repurposed the room very quickly.  

And oh yes, that "most horrible person on the planet" crap.  Oh, that was hilariously funny.  All through high school, I made the honor roll every semester, had a great ACT score, didn't drink, didn't do drugs, never ran around with guys (didn't even have a boyfriend until I was in college, and even at that, I was in my early 20's before I became sexually active), did all the housework, etc. etc. and according to her, I was the worst person on earth.

Well, me and her father.  Mostly because we would call her on her BS rather than enabling/telling her what she wanted to hear, oh the horror.  

[Texaussie]

Hwc9... .  I know JUST how you feel.  I've finally gone NC, only 11 days ago.  Of course, in HER mind, she hasn't done one thing to cause it and she thinks *i'm* the crazy one for not allowing her to speak to me and treat me any way she feels the urge to dish out. 

If yours is the Mayor, mine's the CEO.   

[WrongWoman]

I went mostly NC with my mother when our first child was born.  He'll be 23 in June.  I haven't laid eyes on my mother since my grandmother's funeral in May of 1991, about a year later.  Thankfully, she was too enthralled with the new man in her life to bother me too much, although she did use the occasion to pilfer all of my ribbons and trophies from my childhood equestrienne days along with nearly all of my childhood photos (my grandmother had these and I stupidly hadn't bothered to take them at that point) and won't give any of it back.  There's nothing to be done about it now until she dies, assuming she hasn't made a big BBQ out of it all.  C'est la vie.