She called me ... did not call back.

[sam-2012]

Hello to everyone and wish happy new year,

Well i can say that it was a bit hard these days and the new years eve (today).

I have blocked my exBPDgf number on my  phone but the last days i saw that

the application that blocks her calls was open( that means that she was calling).

It felt weird ... i got a bit upset, i know that she is in a bad situation(her mother died), i miss her,

but our r/s was so damaged by emotional/physical violence that i do not believe that it will be good for me and her to call to say how are you. At the same time i do not feel that i am enough detached so that i wont

be emotionally affected if i do that.  Till now i am glad that i did not call back and that i did not spoke to her. Feels weird though, i cannot say a simple "happy new year" to her. I missed her these days. I know though that NC is for my own and hers good. I say hers cause as the time passes i understand that i was something like a father to her and by being a father i enabled her to be sick and i was becoming sick too. Not good for me and her too. Sad but ... this is the truth.

[GreenMango]

It's a strange feeling when you know its not good for either of you.  Sometimes doing the right thing is really difficult.  Hang in there and have a happy new year.

[bpdspell]

Sam-2012,

Happy New Year!

Give yourself a pat on the back for maintaining No Contact. Nothing worth having is easy and that means NC as well. Our boundaries will be tested with our ex's particularly when we are giving them the message that we are no longer empowering them to wreck havoc in our lives. No Contact doesn't mean that you'll ever stop loving or caring about them. It means listening to that intuitive voice of self-protection and putting the focus of love and care back on ourselves for our own healing.

Having compassion is part of being a human being but we must understand that protecting ourselves is just as important as helping others.

Wishing you the best... .  

Spell

[FindingMe2011]

Hello to everyone and wish happy new year,

Well i can say that it was a bit hard these days and the new years eve (today).

I have blocked my exBPDgf number on my  phone but the last days i saw that

the application that blocks her calls was open( that means that she was calling).

It felt weird ... i got a bit upset, i know that she is in a bad situation(her mother died), i miss her,

but our r/s was so damaged by emotional/physical violence that i do not believe that it will be good for me and her to call to say how are you. At the same time i do not feel that i am enough detached so that i wont

be emotionally affected if i do that.  Till now i am glad that i did not call back and that i did not spoke to her. Feels weird though, i cannot say a simple "happy new year" to her. I missed her these days. I know though that NC is for my own and hers good. I say hers cause as the time passes i understand that i was something like a father to her and by being a father i enabled her to be sick and i was becoming sick too. Not good for me and her too. Sad but ... this is the truth.

   Congrats on putting yourself first. It does feel weird at first, but the more you do this, the easier it gets, and the more peaceful life becomes. I remember making this mistake. BPD saw it as a green light for the dynamics of the r/s to continue. So it was a lesson learned the hard way. Its probably safe to say, that her crisis has passed, and if you did speak, what came from her mouth, wouldnt make sense to you anyway. Sometimes the right thing to do, doesnt always appear this way. I wish you well in your recovery.  PEACE