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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: The whirlpool is trying to suck me back in  (Read 617 times)
Washisheart
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: single
Posts: 200



« on: January 02, 2013, 11:55:54 AM »

I knew it would come eventually.

So the chic lied about being pregnant to get him... .  DUH!

I asked him what goes through his head when he hurriedly packs all his stuff & runs. He couldn't/wouldn't answer. He said something is wrong with him, and I agreed and told him he needs help. He agreed.

I was trying to stay NC but his work number kept coming up (which he never calls me from) & I am his emergency contact so of course the "what if" came to mind. I hung up on him when he asked how we are doing (dont pretend you care). Well God never seems to get tired of playing this atari called my life, and I had a flat tire. So of course he comes running to my rescue & puts my donut on for me.

He asked what would it take for me to trust him again. (nothing)  He wants me to move to GA with him (so you can leave me in another state?). Lets elope, lets run away and get married (no). What size ring do you wear? (REALLY?)

So as of right now (for the next hour? day? week?) he is moving to GA on his own. I told him he can't run from his issues, they will only follow him.

He hugged me, I kept my arms by my side. He tried to kiss me, I backed away from him. I acted about as excited to see him as going to the dentist to get a filing.

I told him I can't keep putting myself or my daughter through this. Thanked him for changing my tire & drove off.

So now I am waiting for him to propose in front of all my friends like he said he is going to... .  UGH!
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kl315
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 143



« Reply #1 on: January 02, 2013, 12:11:46 PM »

I don't know if you've seen the movie Working Girl (an old one, for sure), but there is a scene where Tess's (Melanie Griffith) boyfriend Mick proposes in front of all their friends while they are clearly broken up:

Mick: Tess, will you marry me?

Tess: Maybe.

Doesn't completely humiliate him but doesn't give in either. You are very strong. I don't think I could resist my dBPDbf if we broke up, epecially if I were to physically see him. The fact that he is moving to GA (where I live, yikes!) will probably only serve to strengthen your resolve. I commend you on actually being able to enforce what is best for you and your daughter.

If he were to commit to treatment, what effect would that have on you?
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Washisheart
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: single
Posts: 200



« Reply #2 on: January 02, 2013, 12:34:11 PM »

He asked me to reschedule his mental health eval (he left the day of his original appointment). He told me he needs me to help him through it. I know he does, and I know I am the only thing "real" in his life.

But oh well, he's moving to GA.
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Washisheart
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: single
Posts: 200



« Reply #3 on: January 02, 2013, 12:35:46 PM »

Kl,

I have been through this with this man soo many times. I dont know if it's strength more than being tired of it.
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