someone there you didn't realize

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So a lot has happened with me these last couple days. A lot of pain but the good kind that I am using to find new life and create ppositive energy.

The title of my post may be misleading but let me explain. I know I find comfort in knowing thatothers have gone through similar situations and truly understand me. I find some peace in that alone. Apart from that I think it is funny how life has a way of intervening at our most needed times.

I have been friends with a girl names Krista since 7th grade and we have always been in and out of each others lives not in a bad way just living and life getting in the way. There was a time in my life where I chose to cut her out due to her decision to keep returning to people romantically and I couldn't understand why. Well long story short we ended up reconnecting and fast forward to my recent relationship with my exBPDgf.

My Ex was always jealous of Krista and like most have experienced I told my ex I would cut ties with her though I didn't understand why. I did not and secretly communicated with her throughout the relationship. It may have been "wrong" but I refused yo give her up again as she was a positive platonic friend in my life.

My ex and I Break up about a month and a half ago at first being mutual but then turning ugly over the last couple days. Raging, seeing someone else, etc. Now Krista and I have talked to each other before and even about things that just recently occured with me. But I just got done talking to her about the most recent events and I now understand her on such a deeper level now and why she stuck around her relationships and tormented herself. I now understand her on a level I could not have comprehended before my relationship and all that time in my life before my relationship where I was not authentic to myself.

Come to find our we both have had very similar problems and I suspect she has dated men het most recent specifically with BPD. Her and I both have co dependcy issued which we both realize and are addressing .Apart from all of that though it is nice to truly fully understand someone to their core who truly gets what has transpired. Our lives and paths may not have always been on the same track but we both feel as though now we were always there for a reason. Whatever this friendship is or was will continue to grow into something beautiful full of empathy and love in a supportive and caring way.

We are both on q path of enlightenment and positively fixing ourselves and it may be a long hard road. But being able to travel that road with someone who will truly walk next to you is an indescribable feeling. I also have everyone I have come in contact with here as you all have me.

[mnwushu89]

So a lot has happened with me these last couple days. A lot of pain but the good kind that I am using to find new life and create ppositive energy.

The title of my post may be misleading but let me explain. I know I find comfort in knowing thatothers have gone through similar situations and truly understand me. I find some peace in that alone. Apart from that I think it is funny how life has a way of intervening at our most needed times.

I have been friends with a girl names Krista since 7th grade and we have always been in and out of each others lives not in a bad way just living and life getting in the way. There was a time in my life where I chose to cut her out due to her decision to keep returning to people romantically and I couldn't understand why. Well long story short we ended up reconnecting and fast forward to my recent relationship with my exBPDgf.

My Ex was always jealous of Krista and like most have experienced I told my ex I would cut ties with her though I didn't understand why. I did not and secretly communicated with her throughout the relationship. It may have been "wrong" but I refused yo give her up again as she was a positive platonic friend in my life.

My ex and I Break up about a month and a half ago at first being mutual but then turning ugly over the last couple days. Raging, seeing someone else, etc. Now Krista and I have talked to each other before and even about things that just recently occured with me. But I just got done talking to her about the most recent events and I now understand her on such a deeper level now and why she stuck around her relationships and tormented herself. I now understand her on a level I could not have comprehended before my relationship and all that time in my life before my relationship where I was not authentic to myself.

Come to find our we both have had very similar problems and I suspect she has dated men het most recent specifically with BPD. Her and I both have co dependcy issued which we both realize and are addressing .Apart from all of that though it is nice to truly fully understand someone to their core who truly gets what has transpired. Our lives and paths may not have always been on the same track but we both feel as though now we were always there for a reason. Whatever this friendship is or was will continue to grow into something beautiful full of empathy and love in a supportive and caring way.

We are both on q path of enlightenment and positively fixing ourselves and it may be a long hard road. But being able to travel that road with someone who will truly walk next to you is an indescribable feeling. I also have everyone I have come in contact with here as you all have me.

[Whatwasthat]

Hi mnwushu

You're absolutely right about how important it is to find stories and experiences on these boards that mirror our own and help us understand what we've been through. That's certainly helped me tremendously in my own path - I wouldn't feel nearly as positive and relatively strong as I do without that. After a short but very painful relationship in 2011 with a man who had  (at the least) NPD/BPD traits it made me feel less alone, less confused, less doubting of my own sanity and more ready to move forwards.


And what can also be frustrating is that many 'real life' friends really don't get the completely confusing and contradictory whirlwind we get caught up in when we have these relationsips. So I was really grateful for the very small number of 'real life' friends who could relate a little to what I went through - they helped me tremendously. For that reason I think it's really good that your old friend Krista says she is able to understand your experiences and so can make you feel less alone with them.


What I would say though is - perhaps be a little cautious about how far you take the relationship with her for a while. Things are still very, very raw with you and it's usually not a good idea to fall into a new romantic relationship at this point in the healing journey. But sometimes it seems like the best thing to do - even though it probably isn't! I suspect that you can be a much greater support to each other if you keep things between you platonic - at least for the time being.

My relationship made me feel like I'd been caught up in some kind of emotional tornado - even though it was so short - and it really took me quite a long time to feel that my feet were firmly back on the ground again. Everyone says it here - taking care of and protecting yourself are the best ways to move forward - as well as trying to understand what happened and what made you stay - if you were in the relationship for any length of time. But don't expect the process to be quick - or for it to move in a nice, easy upward curve. There will be setbacks along the way.

I'm sure your friend can help you with this.

Wishing you well WWT.

[mnwushu89]

Thank you for your kind words and input. Without a doubt and absolutely I know my mind, heart, and emotions are nowhere near ready to jump in a romantic relationship. I know she is not looking for one either as she has jumped from one to the next since she was 17. We both know we are not ready and who knoww what feelings are there or what the future may tell. We both simply agree that we understand each other on a deeper level and agree that life put us together as friends and had the instances occurr for a reason.

Apart from support on here and what limited support I can get from people in my life I'm just trying to stay busy doing things I enjoy again. I have also reached out to begin therapy for myself to deal with my own issues. The therapist I sought out are a specialized clinic for nons who have been affected by BPD. Time and a positive path will be all I neeed.

P.S. sorry for the typos. That's what I get for using my phone

[Whatwasthat]

I'm so pleased you've found a specialist T mnwushu. That will doubtless help a great deal.

And don't worry about the typos - if I was using a phone keypad I don't think I'd manage to write anything that made sense at all - I find them almost impossible!

I had some T sessions over a period of about six months - not as much as I'd have liked - but the therapist was great - and took me on a journey from feeling incredibly disorientated, shocked, depressed and confused to a much stronger place.

While he wasn't a PD specialist he seemed to be experienced and good enough to be able to help me understand that I had been through something which was abusive and fuelled by extreme narcissism. I just couldn't get my head around how something so short could be so completely painful. He helped me see why that might be. I knew I brought my own vulnerabilities to the situation and it was through the  T sessions that I began to separate out what had happened and why. I began to understand that I could let go a little of the haunting idea that somehow - by doing something 'wrong' - I had lost what could have been an amazing relationship. It allowed me to relax. And honestly - at first it's just so nice to have someone who will listen and make you feel understood.

I'm very excited for you that you're starting the T! Do report back to us about progress!

WWT