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VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
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Author Topic: How do they react to your moving on?  (Read 1984 times)
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It's not too late to make better choices


« Reply #30 on: January 09, 2013, 01:28:11 PM »

I understand. I felt the same way. It helped to focus a bit on this disconnect between my heart and head. To force myself to use my brain to decide on my actions and just sit with my feelings instead of acting on them.

Note I said SEEMS like the issue... the content of it, is envy/jealousy of exwife. The issue is she is BPD and very disordered and has issues with being in r/s with everyone she has been with... .  and I suspect that is a lot of folks. Hard to care about someone like her and accept fully she needs to be out of your life. I don't think it will ever work... .  and I miss being with her ... .  during good times... don't miss being attacked, hurt, disrespected belittled, and manipulated.

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Mary Oliver:  Someone I loved gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift

SarahinMA
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« Reply #31 on: January 09, 2013, 02:41:28 PM »

I ran into my ex on the weekend.  You would think I had the BPD.  I just looked at her blankly and did not engage in any conversation.  On the inside I am concerned about reengaging, getting into an argument.  The non contact works for the best.  When contact is unavoidable , I just walk away refuse to engage in any conversation.

I think this has thrown her for a loop as she is used to me engaging in conversation, using my feelings to manipulate me.  Now I am dead man walking.  I just walk by her when I see her. It's tough, but I do have to admit it is better for me.  When I engage in conversation, I always end up upset.

I'm the same.  After he left me heartbroken- after some time had passed, I was able to try and chat with him.  It was always me he started conversation.  In one instance, he tried to walk right by me and I stopped him and said hello.  He looked shocked and awkward.  In another conversation, I told him I didn't hate him.  He looked confused by that too.  The last time I tried to initiate conversation it appeared he wanted nothing to do with me.  He had someone else.  He took her to the three places that we would go to the most.  Now, if I see him, I make no attempts.  It's so hard, but I don't know what else to do.  He always manipulated my words and my feelings as well- to make me look like the bad person. 
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HarmKrakow
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« Reply #32 on: January 09, 2013, 03:51:35 PM »

I ran into my ex on the weekend.  You would think I had the BPD.  I just looked at her blankly and did not engage in any conversation.  On the inside I am concerned about reengaging, getting into an argument.  The non contact works for the best.  When contact is unavoidable , I just walk away refuse to engage in any conversation.

I think this has thrown her for a loop as she is used to me engaging in conversation, using my feelings to manipulate me.  Now I am dead man walking.  I just walk by her when I see her. It's tough, but I do have to admit it is better for me.  When I engage in conversation, I always end up upset.

I'm the same.  After he left me heartbroken- after some time had passed, I was able to try and chat with him.  It was always me he started conversation.  In one instance, he tried to walk right by me and I stopped him and said hello.  He looked shocked and awkward.  In another conversation, I told him I didn't hate him.  He looked confused by that too.  The last time I tried to initiate conversation it appeared he wanted nothing to do with me.  He had someone else.  He took her to the three places that we would go to the most.  Now, if I see him, I make no attempts.  It's so hard, but I don't know what else to do.  He always manipulated my words and my feelings as well- to make me look like the bad person. 

The hating part is another thing. If one person gets dumped or about to be dumped by a pwBPD ... they expect you to hate you.

The moment you don't show that you hate them they are like 
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« Reply #33 on: January 11, 2013, 06:44:04 AM »

[/quote]
The hating part is another thing. If one person gets dumped or about to be dumped by a pwBPD ... they expect you to hate you.

The moment you don't show that you hate them they are like  [/quote]
Yes my exBPD  can't seem to handle it when I say I wish you well and take care it seems to cause even more anger... I am not sure I am capable of that much energy to hate anyhow!
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HarmKrakow
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« Reply #34 on: January 11, 2013, 07:31:47 AM »


The hating part is another thing. If one person gets dumped or about to be dumped by a pwBPD ... they expect you to hate you.

The moment you don't show that you hate them they are like  [/quote]
Yes my exBPD  can't seem to handle it when I say I wish you well and take care it seems to cause even more anger... I am not sure I am capable of that much energy to hate anyhow![/quote]
I think hatred is stupid anyway. She tells me very often, why don't you hate me for the way I treat you?
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