Finality

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

stunning how many layers to grief there are.

how i wish i were to the last layer, but i fear there is no last layer.

she gave my ring to her niece.  this is a good thing.  she didnt sell it.  she didnt give it to someone unworthy.  she didnt jealously keep it or keep it out of spite.  she sought nothing for it.

she gave it to her beautiful niece who will be married, who has a beautiful relationship with her fiance.

and so i mourn, again, the loss of my marriage.

this time i mourn without anger.  just deep, profound sadness.

and hope for me wife, my love, my soon to be ex wife, my abuser, my lover, my life.

i mourn.

[morningagain]

stunning how many layers to grief there are.

how i wish i were to the last layer, but i fear there is no last layer.

she gave my ring to her niece.  this is a good thing.  she didnt sell it.  she didnt give it to someone unworthy.  she didnt jealously keep it or keep it out of spite.  she sought nothing for it.

she gave it to her beautiful niece who will be married, who has a beautiful relationship with her fiance.

and so i mourn, again, the loss of my marriage.

this time i mourn without anger.  just deep, profound sadness.

and hope for me wife, my love, my soon to be ex wife, my abuser, my lover, my life.

i mourn.

[Surnia]

Michael

 what can I say... .  words are kind of plain here.

Makes my cry your post. I feel you deep sadness and also the deep acceptance.

[myself]

Sorry Michael, I feel for you too. You're peeling through those layers and are getting there. Grieving is deep, and runs its own course. Maybe you can look at it as the ring, which now carried a certain amount of pain between you and your wife, will now be used in a more positive way? You seem to hint at that in your post, that you see that already. Send the ring your blessings and wish that couple well. Your ex and yourself, too.

[gina louise]

dear michael999,



You forget that although you are mourning... .  you still have a life.(and so does she)

She was not your life, she was a part of it-albeit a large one.

Do you really want someone who lies, cheats and tramples you? Do you miss that? is that what your life needs?

You have so many good qualities... .  and those remain with you!

I try to remind myself that whatever I gave(and gave and gave) to my H-my attention, energy and love, my compassion... .  those STILL LIVE IN ME. they are constantly renewed.

I am not depleted in any way because of giving. To him or anyone else.

so take heart, keep courage, have faith... .  keep moving forwards.

GL

[morningagain]

Hey G.L.

Mourning the death of hope.  Glimpses of who I believe she can be haunt me.  I mourn for her as well.  Believing she gave the ring as a kind act forces me to see past the disorder and her hurtful actions, and to see her not only as hurtful, but also as a hurt and fragile woman.

No, I cannot return to the relationship.  I do not trust her.  I cannot tolerate the abuse.

Too bad this is not a purely logical process - I suspect I might be dancing and singing if that were the case.  But maybe not - I still pity her.

So, I am sad.  This too shall pass.

Many Blessings,

Michael

[Slowlybutsurely]

Hi Michael,

   

Hugs to you.

I know how you feel, and it's hard. I've been trying in the past few days to take a more 'spiritual' view of all of this. I miss my ex very much, and it hurts to have NC with her. It's like a death. But it's necessary. I say little prayers when it feels awful. I'm not 'religious,' but it helps for me to try to see this from a larger perspective, and to forgive myself for anything I did, and hope that I had some kind of positive impact on her life. And I ask for healing, and I trust that in the the future, and in the present too, that I'll find ways to channel the love and compassion I had for her, but in more healthy ways. I never realized I was capable of so much love. Now I realize this, after the ex, and it's a gift, as they say. It hurts, but my hope is that I will become a better person for it, and that in the future, I will be that much better of a partner.

Trying to see this all in bigger and more positive perspective helps me a lot. It still hurts, but finding 'meaning' in it, past the pain, helps to ease the pain.

I hope you take good care of yourself.

 

[gina louise]

dear friends michael999 and slowlybutsurely,

 

I am mourning too. I mourn the loss of my hopes and dreams that died with the end of our r/s. They are often so hard to release... .  because hopes and dreams have no substance, except in the mind and heart.

I so don't want to let go, sometimes!

I want to grip tighter and make my HUSBAND see what he meant to me and how beloved he was.

He can't see it. He's built a wall between us. Impenetrable. Solid. Too tall to see over or hear past.

So I make peace with what I have done, who I have been, how it was... .  and move on.

I pray for him. For me. For us. For healing.

For growth. For Peace.

GL